(Closed) Massively regret asking friend to be a bridesmaid

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
20 posts

Lol what is wrong with you 

Get over yourself. I feel bad for your friend and also your fiance if he’s marrying someone with these shallow values. 

This isn’t the royal wedding and no one cares about your pictures. 

Post # 77
4905 posts
Honey bee

I’m still absolutely befuddled by the concept that pictures can be “ruined”, let alone ruined by someone not wearing a hair clip or wearing flats instead of heels.


Pictures document what is.  It documents the people we love enough to gather and all of their unique qualities that make them who they are.  Their quirks, their style, their features, their imperfections…its one glorious package and I love and accept my family and friends for who they are, not what they look like.  My pictures could never be “ruined” because they contain the people I love who show up for me and documents them in all of the things that make them them.  I honestly could not give a shit what anyone else puts on their body as long as they are happy and healthy and comfortable with it – it affects me and my pictures none.  I’m not out to create a work of fiction or put on a wedding play with characters.  If I were then I would just hire bridesmaids – I was just reading an article of a woman who has been hired as a bridesmaid 125 times, so they exist.   

Having a general theme or desired aesthetic is fine, but when you get to the point that you lose the forest for the trees and care more about the clothes on the people than than the people wearing them, stop pretending to be friends and just hire bridesmaids.

Post # 78
1191 posts
Bumble bee

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I’m not one to pile on an OP, so I don’t want to make you feel worse. I think the PPs in this thread have already done a fine job of that.

I’ll just say that if she truly suffers from all these issues, and is still willing to be your bridesmaid, it says a lot about her love for you.

Having asked her to be your bridesmaid, you need to woman up, rise above your concerns about how the photos will look and what she will eat, and welcome her into the bridal party. That is what a gracious person would do.

Decide for yourself what you can and can’t do to accommodate her, then communicate this to her. Let her worry about what she’ll eat on the day. If you get a lot of moaning and pushback from her, I think you need to be kind but firm. Ultimately, you both have a responsibility here. You have a responsibility to be a gracious and welcoming friend, and to accommodate her to the extent you are able, and she has a responsibility to manage her own issues and take care of any extraordinary needs she may have. At least try and make it work.

Then, if it seems as if there are no solutions which are going to allow her to participate, you can mutually agree to let her step down. But if she’s keen to make it work, at least let her try.

Post # 79
4684 posts
Honey bee

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@indigobee:  you don’t let a guest with a medical condition, let alone a cherished friend and bridesmaid, worry about what they are going to eat at your wedding. You host them properly and provide a meal they can eat. Caterers are used to doing this everyday. To do otherwise is just unthinkable.

Eta: I’m really losing respect for some of y’all in this thread.

Eta2: most IBS sufferers need simple meals that are super easy to provide (e.g. for my mom, it’s a simple grilled chicken and some potatoes or rice, or pasta). 

Post # 80
7964 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@zl27:  Yes, also questioning some folks.

I’ve been a bridesmaid many, many, many times and a Maid/Matron of Honor several times. I’ve also been married more than once. Aside from the dress–some matching, some not–nobody ever dictated my hair, makeup or shoes and I while I chose brand and color for dresses the first time I never required any of the others. These are supposed to be YOUR PEOPLE. The people who are there for you when life is hard. I don’t understand making their lives hard when you are celebrating. Forcing an updo or specific hairstyle on someone who doesn’t like updos or that style? Bridezilla. Forcing heels on someone who is really uncomfortable in heels? Bridezilla. Dictating makeup? Bridezilla.

I have pictures of my mother as a bridesmaid in the late 60s and 70s. They wore different colors of the same dress or different dresses–the idea of mismatched bridesmaids is not a new concept–and did not wear the same hairstyles or shoes or jewelry or…

Do you know what you remember long after you stop looking at those photos? How you and others felt on that day. Hint: you never feel bad about being a good friend/host. And when you do look at those photos you smile and laugh that Jane had pink hair and Sue just got that tattoo and check out Mary’s eyeliner. These are people. Celebrate their individuality or hire props.

Post # 81
81 posts
Worker bee

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@xiphosura:  This. I’m that friend who has anxiety and IBS. I sometimes have to sit out of social events because I’m anxious about potentially having a flare up in front of my friends or having a flare up and feeling like absolute shit. I’ve tried all of the medications out there and there isn’t a single one that works for me. I would jump for joy at the opportunity to stand next to my best friends at their wedding, despite my conditions because I love them. I would hope that none of them see me as a burden or an eyesore because of my conditions. 

Post # 82
721 posts
Busy bee

This thread is literally how the shallow bridezilla stereotype got started and continues. I am disgusted by some of the comments on here. Some of y’all have wxtremely fucked up priorities.

Post # 83
3 posts

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@charlottevkbuf27:  Just remove her. Sure, these strangers can dictate ‘how good of a friend you are’ but in the end – it’s her who knows your friendship; more than from a simple thread. So if she cuts you off after you remove her then good for her and good for you. You’ll get the wedding you envisioned and she will move on. No one deserves to be stressed on their wedding day. You do you boo x

Post # 84
39 posts

Why on earth is this thread still open? The OP is long gone.

Post # 85
1058 posts
Bumble bee

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@howtobelovely:  I’m guessing it’s because it hasn’t been flagged excessively—which I’m guessing is due to the majority of posters on the “defensive” in this case not resorting to excessive flagging as a way of dealing with hurt feelings. Which is progress!

I agree with you, though, OP is clearly not coming back. 

Post # 86
10429 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Closing as OP isn’t coming back

The topic ‘Massively regret asking friend to be a bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

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