(Closed) Materialism vs. Symbolism

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You said yourself you are a control freak, and this sounds way way way too controlling over the ring.  Give him a little space to do his own researching and shopping.  

Post # 4
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly guys have NO IDEA until they start ring shopping. I think my Darling Husband probably thought rings cost like $500 for a one carat. Let him do some shopping on his own so he can see what a great deal it is.

We are frugal people, but I put my foot down on being frugal with my ring.

Post # 5
38 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

One thing I noticed is that you did all the research on your own without talking to him about his expectations as well as yours. It sounds like you need to sit down and talk about it in person not through e-mails or texts.

You also need to explain to him the emotional value you are attching to the ring. How it isn’t just another practical gift. 

Try and find out what he was planning on spending. If he was just planning on running to the local chain store and picking up a lab-created gemstone for $100 while you want a more traditional ring, you really need to find a common ground. It sounds like there is a presidence set with regards to being thrifty. If an engagment ring is not something he thinks a lot of money (to him) should be spent on, then you need to try and find the middle ground.

Post # 6
14568 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are you my twin??   Wow.  I could have written most of this too.  Has your SO done reserach and gotten an idea of how much rings go for??  Am I correct in assuming you’re looking at dimaond rings?  If you are and have truely found a good deal, I would honestly continue to nudge him a little and encourage him to look around and see that this is a good deal.  Could he be trying to throw you off?  My husband use to roll his eyes at how expensive diamonds were and I was totally convinced he’d set the budget much lower than we could acutally afford and he ended up spending more than what I probably would have if I picked it out.  Dont feel offended or shallow.  Men have a different view on e-rings.  MY husband STILL thinks my ring was too expensive for what it is… and I cant honestly say I disagree, its just a little sparkly thing on my finger!!  But it’s what I wanted and my one crazy splurge that he wanted me to be happy with… we both know I’ll probably never get to spend this kind of money on a little decorative item again.

Post # 8
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Lt.Columbo:  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her looking for a ring she loves and researching it to find the best value for a style she likes.  If I hadn’t done a hell of a lot of research, I wouldn’t have known about different lab created stones, durability, what a reasonable price is, etc.  While some guys do research, most don’t know where to start.  If I’d left it entirely up to my guy, I’d probably end up with something more expensive and not to my style than the ring I currently want.


Just have a talk with him.  He probably has no concept of what this stuff actually costs. Perhaps show him statistics on the average cost of an ering?  And while the concept of an ering may be a materialistic one in general, this is a one-time thing.  Of all the things we buy on a daily basis, how many of them are we actually going to own for the rest of our lives?  

Post # 10
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe you should share your research with him and help him understand what a ring is REALLY goig to cost. Like PP some guys have no clue when it comes to $ of rings.

Post # 12
869 posts
Busy bee

Is it possible that he’s already purchased a ring, or at least put a deposit on one?  Maybe that’s why he’s reponding the way he is.  Also, since he’s already told you he’s planning on asking soon, maybe he wants to feel as though there is some element of surprise?  I know that before we got engaged, he asked if we could go look at rings, to see what I liked.  In the end, he chose something that was very similar, but didn’t choose one of the EXACT ones I’d tried on.  And, it is perfect.  I actually love that it was something he chose, I feel like it’s a bit more special that way.

Post # 13
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@abirdword:  It just seemed to be a little much, and she said she was a control freak, and it sounds like she is trying to control the situation. Some men don’t like to be emailed rings like “oh buy me this one,” but I don’t know her future Fiance.  I do know my H wanted to do the ring stuff himself and wanted it to be a surprise.

Post # 14
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@14KaratCake:  I think you should just ask him!  If you plan to be married, you should be able to be open and honest about these things.  If he previously agreed to whatever budget you had decided, then I don’t see any harm in saying “I’m a little confused, I thought we had agreed that X amount was our budget?”  It doesn’t have to be a negative confrontation, but explain it in a way that you’re confused.  I really think it will be ok!  🙂  I definitely feel you – you sound very similar to me!  I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn’t want anything else!  I gave my now fiance specifications and did not want him to deviate from those.  I’m sure he thought I was being controlling but he loves me and would give me whatever I want.  I’m sure your man feels the same way! 🙂 

Post # 15
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MalbecMe:  I was just going to say this!

My Fiance did the same thing.  He purchased my ring the DAY AFTER we went looking at rings-it was one I tried on, he made it seem like it was way out of budget- of course it was my favorite!  We went to other places and he was completely turned off.  He might have picked out a ring already.. Which would be very sweet of him. 

Post # 16
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

It’s odd that he approved the price range and then suddenly changed his mind… maybe his friends convinced him that is a lot to pay and now he’s having second thoughts about spending that much? Also, maybe he means it’s expensive, but he’ll still buy it? Maybe he’s trying to pull the wool over your eyes by telling you he won’t spend that much and then suprising you with it? idk.

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