- 6 years ago
I know this broad subject has been posted in various forms about a bajillion times here, but I couldn’t find anything quite the same as what I’m going through at the moment.
Backstory: We’ve had the “I proclaim my everlasting love for you and want to die in your arms etc etc etc” talks — which he started, btw — and he has made very crystal clear his intentions to marry me. And his plan to do the down on one knee dance soon. As in, within a few months from now.
Therefore, being the resourceful control freak that I am, I start looking at rings LIKE MAD, doing CRAP TONS of resarch on everything engagement ring related, because this is what I do with pretty much everything in my life. Research it like it’s a cure for cancer I’m after. He knows I do this. At the same time, I’m factoring the cost into our budget, which is maintained on an Excel spreadsheet down to the penny. I know the price range that will be comfortable, and I restrict my search to this very specific range. As an aside, we make pretty good money.
After all this effort on my part over the past month, I narrowed down the style, stone and metal. We got my finger sized at a jewelers the other day while at the mall — at his suggestion, mind you. I sent him an email with four somewhat similar rings that I like above all a couple weeks ago. Then today, I find someone on eBay selling a ring that is AWESOME, bigger, more intricate, and CHEAPER than the ones I had found! I’m like, SCORE!
I send him an email with the info.
“Can you believe this ring is $X?! And nobody has bid on it yet!”
“I can believe it, for $X smackaroos.”
What? So I reply, somewhat jokingly, “LOL, so you think $X is too expensive for something like that, huh?”
Insert sound of my brain exploding.
What do I say to this? What do I even do? I am conflicted because:
I am definitely NOT materialistic. I buy clothes at Goodwill and thrift stores because I think used/vintage stuff is awesome. I proudly wear cheap plastic, rhinestone and shell jewelry. I like gifts I can eat or practical things like kitchen utensils or books. I garden, do canning, sew clothes. The less money I spend on something THE BETTER. He is the same way. We’re perfect for each other.
On the flip side…this engagement ring is going to be something I fully intend to wear until the coroner pries it off my cold dead 90 year old finger. I want it to be something I actually like. And I am very particular in my taste. My taste may be funky or whatever, but it’s damn specific. I feel it is an investment and heirloom piece, and spending $X is well worth it.
So being upset at him saying, “What you like is too expensive” makes me feel at once offended and shallow. I KNOW we can afford it, or any of the other rings I like. So why does he think it’s too expensive?! But should I really be offended if he wants to spend less?