Post # 1
The fiance of my sister’s ex has asked her to be matron of honor at their wedding and she has agreed. My sister and her ex divorced 10 years ago due to infidelity on his side (not with the fiance). Although the divorce was understandably a bitter one at the beginning, they worked at overcoming the situation for the sake of their special needs child. They have become really good friends and the fiance deeply cares for both my sister and their son. The problem is that our father has taken deep offense to my sister agreeing to be in the wedding reminding her of what the ex did to her, calling us (I’m going too) hurtful names and saying that when we fly there not to bother visiting him. I’m just stumped that he would take such a strong position especially when his divorce to our mom wasn’t any different than my sister’s and we eventually welcomed his new wife and my 2 half-siblings. Is the situation really that out of the ordinary? What am I missing?
Post # 2
I don’t think it is so crazy, especially since your sister and her ex are close now. It’s terrible that he cheated on her but I am glad they can come together for the best interest of their child. I feel like your dad is being a little extreme but at the same time… he’s just being a dad. Tough situation but I hope it all works out!
Post # 3
It’s not your dads place to tell your sister how she should feel about her ex or his fiancé. I think it’s inspiring that she was able to overcome their past for the sake of their child, good for her.
Post # 4
I imagine it is different watching your child go through a divorce compared to go through it. Your sister’s ex broke her heart, and your dad was powerless to fix it. He hasn’t forgiven your sister’s ex, and he is projecting that. It’s not okay that he called you names. I’m sure with some time away and and cooling off space he will be okay. In fact I’m sure it will lead to some healing for him.
Post # 5
longtobee : I agree that his reaction has more to do with dad than with the actual situation. I was leaning towards him never being able to fully forgive himself for what he did and doesn’t think the sisters ex should ever be forgive either. He’s mad at you two for being able to let it ago because deep down he might still be holding on. These situations stir up a lot of weird emotions in families.
Post # 6
I would be your father. I do not forgive. I hold grudges.
Post # 7
I think its wonderful they have that relationship and your father is totally out of order. He is of course entitled to his opinions but if he can’t share them calmly and without hurting his daughters, then he should just keep his mouth shut.
Post # 8
If they are fine with it and have come to a place of peace and loving friendliness, that is great. Your father sounds like a hypocrite and he should shut it.
yupmarried : but the father did the same thing! Also, the ex’s betrayal wasn’t directed at him. Making oneself the center of someone else’s pain is lunacy- especially if they have long since moved on.
Post # 9
I think it’s fine for your father to have lost respect for your sister’s ex. No one is asking him to attend or to have a relationship with the man. But he has no right to impose this sentiment on you or your sister. To refuse to see you when you are in town if you go or participate in the wedding is beyond controlling.
That said, I would likely not agree to be Maid/Matron of Honor at an ex H’s wedding no matter how fond I was of the fiancée. But that’s me.