matron of honor backed out of reception toast last minute

posted 5 days ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
5240 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@lauren329:  I would take it as a lesson that people don’t change just for your wedding 

I’m sorry that you’re hurting. It’s hard when you realize the reality of someone you care about.

I would take this as a lesson of the one-sided friendship and start distancing yourself from her. It sounds like you were hoping she would be different for your wedding but she was just the same

Post # 4
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@lauren329:  You’re fortunate she didn’t give a speech since she was blackout drunk. Aside from her behavior on your wedding day, what kind of relationship do you have? She was the woman you chose to be your Maid/Matron of Honor so I assume she is someone very dear to you. What prompted her to get so drunk on your wedding day? Is something going on with her or is that normal behavior? 

Post # 5
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

Wow lol, I would not have wanted someone black out drunk giving a speech anyways. Does she normally have problems with alcohol? Im not sure how much a “handle” is but chugging whiskey during a daytime event doesnt seem great… 

Anyways, you asked what I’d do. I’d distance myself from her. No one is required to give a toast IMO, but that is literally just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not sure if her issues with alcohol are new, maybe she is hurting or going through something, but I’d be very upset with how she behaved. Maybe give yourself a few weeks to cool off and bring it up if you feel like it, but don’t give yourself any deadlines yet. 

Post # 6
Member
706 posts
Busy bee

I would handle it the same way I handle everything that happened in the past and which I can’t control.  By leaving it there.

If this friendship is no longer working for you, then begin to gravitate more towards the people who love you and deserve to be celebrated, and don’t let this take up any more of your head space.  Onwards and upwards!

Post # 7
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

She showed you how little you mean to her, weddings often bring out people’s true colours or make you see them clearly. You realise that the friendship is one sided so there’s no point continuing it. You don’t need to say anything to her, she already knows what she did. I would just distance myself from her and let the ‘friendship’ fade out.

Post # 8
Member
13989 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow. Is it possible she has a drinking problem or there is something else under the surface here? Is this normal behavior for her? 

I would be super upset too. Maybe give yourself some time to cool off and collect your thoughts, then think about whether or not this is a friendship you want to continue.

Post # 9
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@lauren329:  She was jealous.  Funny there always seem to be casualties when one gets engaged and married. I had a similar occurrence at a elaborate surprise birthday party fiance threw me.  My one friend who was a self-purported “ride or die” literally caused our friendship to die on sight as she refused to give a celebratory toast, came giftless and had an attitude.  Friens show you who they are in the height of your happiness or discontent.  Sounds like she really showed you that she didn’t value you as a friend given she failed to embrace your happiness.  I am so sorry about this. 

Post # 10
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@lauren329:  it sounds like she has a very serious drinking problem. Have you witnessed this sort of behavior in the past? I’m not excusing it at all, just trying to put it in context before I answer more.

A handle is 1.75 litres for those who don’t know. And yes, severe alcoholics can drink this much and not die.

Post # 11
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@katebluestone:  1.75 L?!?!?! Oh my gosh, that is more (much more!) than I was expecting. Here we have a mickey (375 mL) or a regular sized/26oz (750mL). I think those giant bottles are called Texas mickeys. One person finishing almost 2 L of whiskey is insanity. 

Post # 12
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

How awful. I would definitely distance myself from her.  

Post # 13
Member
7846 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is this typical behavior for her, specifically the drinking? Or do you think she may have been anxious about having to give a toast? This could, indeed, be last-straw behavior but it’s hard to know without more background. 

Post # 14
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would not be very bothered by backing out of giving the speech, especially since a lot of people have a lot of anxiety around public speaking, and I totally get that. I would be pretty upset if my maid of honour got blackout drunk though.

Post # 15
Member
593 posts
Busy bee

oh bee I get it. My lonnnngest friend had MONNTHS to write a nice little speech for me for my reception. She was the only one I asked to speak for me. Come the day of the wedding, she hadn’t written anything and totally flopped just barely making out a thanks for coming. I was humiliated.

I never confronted her about it. I expected it. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. I didn’t know how to approach it so I just didn’t say anything. I know she knew she messed it up.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors