Post # 1
How would you all handle your matron of honor backing out right before the reception from making a toast? And saying it will be fine, ” the best man will make a speech and that will be it”. And she did not help me with anything all day. I did not see her most of the day because she was finishing off a handle of whiskey. She was black out drunk by the time of the reception. She could not even bustle my dress or get out full sentences. I am not high maintenance and do not ask much from her but I have been there for her thru a lot. And I just wanted her to be there for me for one day and she wasn’t. She was not very enthusiastic thru the whole wedding process. How would you all handle this? I am so upset with her. But I do not even know if it is worth telling her. Kind of showed me a lot about how our friendship is very one sided.
Post # 2
I would take it as a lesson that people don’t change just for your wedding
I’m sorry that you’re hurting. It’s hard when you realize the reality of someone you care about.
I would take this as a lesson of the one-sided friendship and start distancing yourself from her. It sounds like you were hoping she would be different for your wedding but she was just the same
Post # 3
Thank you! That was very helpful.
Post # 4
You’re fortunate she didn’t give a speech since she was blackout drunk. Aside from her behavior on your wedding day, what kind of relationship do you have? She was the woman you chose to be your Maid/Matron of Honor so I assume she is someone very dear to you. What prompted her to get so drunk on your wedding day? Is something going on with her or is that normal behavior?
Post # 5
Wow lol, I would not have wanted someone black out drunk giving a speech anyways. Does she normally have problems with alcohol? Im not sure how much a “handle” is but chugging whiskey during a daytime event doesnt seem great…
Anyways, you asked what I’d do. I’d distance myself from her. No one is required to give a toast IMO, but that is literally just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not sure if her issues with alcohol are new, maybe she is hurting or going through something, but I’d be very upset with how she behaved. Maybe give yourself a few weeks to cool off and bring it up if you feel like it, but don’t give yourself any deadlines yet.
Post # 6
I would handle it the same way I handle everything that happened in the past and which I can’t control. By leaving it there.
If this friendship is no longer working for you, then begin to gravitate more towards the people who love you and deserve to be celebrated, and don’t let this take up any more of your head space. Onwards and upwards!
Post # 7
She showed you how little you mean to her, weddings often bring out people’s true colours or make you see them clearly. You realise that the friendship is one sided so there’s no point continuing it. You don’t need to say anything to her, she already knows what she did. I would just distance myself from her and let the ‘friendship’ fade out.
Post # 8
Wow. Is it possible she has a drinking problem or there is something else under the surface here? Is this normal behavior for her?
I would be super upset too. Maybe give yourself some time to cool off and collect your thoughts, then think about whether or not this is a friendship you want to continue.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA
She was jealous. Funny there always seem to be casualties when one gets engaged and married. I had a similar occurrence at a elaborate surprise birthday party fiance threw me. My one friend who was a self-purported “ride or die” literally caused our friendship to die on sight as she refused to give a celebratory toast, came giftless and had an attitude. Friens show you who they are in the height of your happiness or discontent. Sounds like she really showed you that she didn’t value you as a friend given she failed to embrace your happiness. I am so sorry about this.
Post # 10
it sounds like she has a very serious drinking problem. Have you witnessed this sort of behavior in the past? I’m not excusing it at all, just trying to put it in context before I answer more.
A handle is 1.75 litres for those who don’t know. And yes, severe alcoholics can drink this much and not die.
Post # 11
1.75 L?!?!?! Oh my gosh, that is more (much more!) than I was expecting. Here we have a mickey (375 mL) or a regular sized/26oz (750mL). I think those giant bottles are called Texas mickeys. One person finishing almost 2 L of whiskey is insanity.
Post # 12
How awful. I would definitely distance myself from her.
Post # 13
Is this typical behavior for her, specifically the drinking? Or do you think she may have been anxious about having to give a toast? This could, indeed, be last-straw behavior but it’s hard to know without more background.
Post # 14
I would not be very bothered by backing out of giving the speech, especially since a lot of people have a lot of anxiety around public speaking, and I totally get that. I would be pretty upset if my maid of honour got blackout drunk though.
Post # 15
oh bee I get it. My lonnnngest friend had MONNTHS to write a nice little speech for me for my reception. She was the only one I asked to speak for me. Come the day of the wedding, she hadn’t written anything and totally flopped just barely making out a thanks for coming. I was humiliated.
I never confronted her about it. I expected it. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. I didn’t know how to approach it so I just didn’t say anything. I know she knew she messed it up.