Post # 1
I am so confused and torn on what to do! I just got married May 8 and my husband and I are already ready to have kids. We were together for 6 years before we got married and I am 28 and he’s 31. I know we want to have two kids and so we feel like we should probably get crackin! The only thing is I am the Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding on April 30th. I guess I just feel guilty about trying before her wedding?? She has definitely been hinting around that she really hopes that we hold off until after her wedding and that she hopes I’m not pregnant so we can party together at the bachelorette/showers/wedding. I recently got off birth control and I slipped up the other night and told her. She sounded worried and was asking me over and over again why I had gotten off the pill. I know how it is!! I just got married and I know how it is to want all your bridesmaids to be as into your wedding as you are! I totally get it. I didn’t however ask or expect any of my bridesmaids to plan their life around me. I had one bridesmaid ask/tell me that she was going to start trying for her second child and whether I still wanted her in the wedding.
Of course I said of course!! I told her to please do whatever she needed to do and that I would never expect her to plan her life and family around me. She did get pregnant and she still stood in the wedding and everything was wonderful! I guess I wouldn’t even be feeling this was at all if the soon to be bride wasn’t dropping so many hints and questioning me so much on us stopping the pill.
We have basically decided to hold off on trying until the beggining of Feburary. That way if we do get pregnant right away then I won’t be too big to stand in the wedding. We would start trying now if it weren’t for the wedding.
I guess I just wanted everyones thoughts on this. I just can’t help feeling a little guilty because I know how badly she wants me to be able to drink and hang out at all the festivities and I could potentially not be able to do that. I also feel bad not telling her that we are going to start trying before the wedding. Should I tell her??
Thanks in advance!:)
Post # 3
I honestly think its a bit much for her to expect you to hold off on getting pregnant just to be in her wedding.
Post # 4
If you were going to be possibly be 9 months pregnant and unable to attend her wedding after agreeing to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe I would be worried as the bride but I would never ask someone to plan their life around my wedding. If you are a few months pregnant, you won’t be able to drink but you will still be able to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and that should be what matters to her.
Post # 5
Ha ha, very funny. Well, I never did understand this. Why is it so important that you drink and booze it up with her? I guess it’s a bit better that she’s not tellinig you not to get pregnant because she doesn’t want a pregnant lady in her pictures. However, if you are ready, then you are ready. You can still hang out with her doing pre-wedding festivities but you don’t drink. Just my two cents.
Post # 6
Thanks everyone…I agree with all of you! I think I would feel better if I was just honest with her and told her we are definitely going to start trying in February. I’ve been trying to hide it from her so she won’t worry and in turn it’s been making me feel bad.
Post # 7
Personally, I think weddings are important, but if a couple wants to have a baby, that’s WAY WAY WAY more important. I have zero sympathy for brides who get upset because someone in their bridal party got pregnant. I do get a bit in a tizzy on this subject because I have endo and therefore, will more than likely have issues getting pregnant. So, if someone were to tell me to put my baby making plans on hold when I do have a fertility issue, I wouldn’t be too happy. lol I think that if you and your Darling Husband have decided that having children now is what you want, then you need to go for it. You may not get pregnant right away and therefore having a pregnancy conflict with the wedding may not be an issue….or, heaven forbid, maybe you have troubles getting pregnant and you need to know this ASAP so you can get on the right path to getting everything taken care of so you can have a baby!
Post # 8
I was in a similar situation, I knew my Maid/Matron of Honor was trying. I was a bit worried about dress shopping, but hey! It’s her life! I don’t expect anyone to stop living their lives until after my wedding.
Now, she never got pregnant and she might not be my Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, but that’s a different story…
What I’m saying is that us brides can get carried away with the wedding and often think that it is as important to other people as it is to us. But if she is truly your best friend, she will understand.
Post # 9
Start trying. I can’t stand when brides try to dictate how their bridal party lives their lives prior to the wedding. April is 6 months away. Assuming it takes you a couple of months to actually get pregnant, you’d only be about four months along (hardly showing.)
I say get crackin’ now. You don’t even need to tell her, it’s none of her business anyway (until you actually get pregnant.) Not sure why you’re reporting “accidents.” Again, not her business.
Post # 10
I was in your boat. I knew my sister would be getting married in May 2011, and that Darling Husband and I were not planning to wait after we got married in May 2010 to start trying to get pregnant. I didn’t completely plan around her, but I did plan TTC and potential due dates around her wedding, just so that I wouldn’t be 9 months pregnant and unable to attend. I should clarify, I live in NY and her wedding is FL. Darling Husband and I got lucky and are due in March, so we’ll have a 7 week old with us for her wedding! Thankfully my sister was very cool about the entire situation, and didn’t ask us to plan around her.
Ultimately, you need to do what is right for you and your husband. You are past the point where you would be 9 months and unable to travel/attend. Also it’ll likely take a few months to conceive, so you might only be a few months along by the time of her wedding. I don’t see why you couldn’t participate in the wedding events, even if you don’t drink. I did the same for my SIL who was married 2 weeks ago, and not drinking isn’t an issue.
If you decide to start trying, I’d talk to your friend first. Explain to her that you understand how important it is to her for you to be there and to be involved, but that you and your husband are ready to start trying now and don’t want to wait that long. If you’ve been healthy and your close family members have had healthy pregnancies (if there have been any), then it’s likely that you will have a healthy pregnancy as well, and will be able to participate in the wedding events and fulfill your Maid/Matron of Honor duties. She is clearly a close friend for you to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and I think respecting that friendship is important to keep it strong.
In my oppinion, weddings are abotu family and celebration, and a new pregnancy/baby just adds to the joy. I know it can complicate some things logistically, but not being able to drink or not looking identical to the other BMs in your dress while pregnant are not good reasons to hold off on expanding your family to be in a wedding.
Post # 11
@mrstilly Thank you so much for pointing out that a new pregnancy/baby will add to the celebration! I never though about it that way…I also agree with you. I feel like I just need to tell her and that not telling her is what is making me feel guilty.
Thanks for all the words of advice ladies. Ya’ll are the best!:)
Post # 12
even if you got pregnant today, you’ll only be 6 months along at her wedding. it’s not like you won’t be able to attend.
Post # 13
I agree that one shouldn’t plan one’s life around someone else’s wedding day, but waiting until the beginning of February doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. I wouldn’t be concerned at all about being able to drink and party, but I would be concerned about being able to travel and be up and about. I have several friends who had complications to their pregnancies and were put on bed rest for the last month or two of their pregnancy—so you wouldn’t want to not be able to attend her wedding at all if something unforeseen happened with the pregnancy. But if you are only a few months along, then I can’t think of anything that would prevent you from being there and supporting her on her wedding day. Good luck with TTC 🙂
Post # 14
You shouldn’t feel guilty at all and you don’t have to tell her that you’re trying if you don’t want to. And as everyone else said, it’s not like you would have to miss out on the wedding or other festivities (besides drinking) because you’d only be a few months along. Good luck!
Post # 15
Friends let friends live their own lives.
Post # 16
I say start trying! I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I had a pregnant bridesmaid, which was fine, and I was just in my friends’ wedding last weeking and I’m 19 weeks pregnant. I was a little disappointed my sister got pregnant right before my wedding but it was because she wasn’t able to participate in a lot of the wedding day activities and I missed her. But the baby is more important, and most people keep that into perspective.
This past weekend I was in a wedding, I can tell you I was totally exhausted by the end of the night, I didn’t feel like dancing, and I just wanted to go home and sleep. I stuck it out for my friend though, he was amazing through my wedding and I know he was disappointed I coudn’t party with everybody ( I was too!) but they had an amazing day and got over it. The wedding is over, and I still have my little bun in the oven and I couldn’t be happier and you will feel the same way.