(Closed) Matron of Honor in April but want to start trying now!!

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I honestly think its a bit much for her to expect you to hold off on getting pregnant just to be in her wedding.

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If you were going to be possibly be 9 months pregnant and unable to attend her wedding after agreeing to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe I would be worried as the bride but I would never ask someone to plan their life around my wedding. If you are a few months pregnant, you won’t be able to drink but you will still be able to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and that should be what matters to her.

Post # 5
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Ha ha, very funny. Well, I never did understand this. Why is it so important that you drink and booze it up with her? I guess it’s a bit better that she’s not tellinig you not to get pregnant because she doesn’t want a pregnant lady in her pictures. However, if you are ready, then you are ready. You can still hang out with her doing pre-wedding festivities but you don’t drink. Just my two cents.

Post # 7
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Personally, I think weddings are important, but if a couple wants to have a baby, that’s WAY WAY WAY more important.  I have zero sympathy for brides who get upset because someone in their bridal party got pregnant.  I do get a bit in a tizzy on this subject because I have endo and therefore, will more than likely have issues getting pregnant.  So, if someone were to tell me to put my baby making plans on hold when I do have a fertility issue, I wouldn’t be too happy. lol  I think that if you and your Darling Husband have decided that having children now is what you want, then you need to go for it.  You may not get pregnant right away and therefore having a pregnancy conflict with the wedding may not be an issue….or, heaven forbid, maybe you have troubles getting pregnant and you need to know this ASAP so you can get on the right path to getting everything taken care of so you can have a baby! 

Post # 8
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was in a similar situation, I knew my Maid/Matron of Honor was trying.  I was a bit worried about dress shopping, but hey! It’s her life!  I don’t expect anyone to stop living their lives until after my wedding.

Now, she never got pregnant and she might not be my Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, but that’s a different story…

What I’m saying is that us brides can get carried away with the wedding and often think that it is as important to other people as it is to us. But if she is truly your best friend, she will understand.

Post # 9
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Start trying.  I can’t stand when brides try to dictate how their bridal party lives their lives prior to the wedding.  April is 6 months away.  Assuming it takes you a couple of months to actually get pregnant, you’d only be about four months along (hardly showing.)  

I say get crackin’ now.  You don’t even need to tell her, it’s none of her business anyway (until you actually get pregnant.)  Not sure why you’re reporting “accidents.” Again, not her business.

Post # 10
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was in your boat. I knew my sister would be getting married in May 2011, and that Darling Husband and I were not planning to wait after we got married in May 2010 to start trying to get pregnant. I didn’t completely plan around her, but I did plan TTC and potential due dates around her wedding, just so that I wouldn’t be 9 months pregnant and unable to attend. I should clarify, I live in NY and her wedding is FL. Darling Husband and I got lucky and are due in March, so we’ll have a 7 week old with us for her wedding! Thankfully my sister was very cool about the entire situation, and didn’t ask us to plan around her.

Ultimately, you need to do what is right for you and your husband. You are past the point where you would be 9 months and unable to travel/attend. Also it’ll likely take a few months to conceive, so you might only be a few months along by the time of her wedding. I don’t see why you couldn’t participate in the wedding events, even if you don’t drink. I did the same for my SIL who was married 2 weeks ago, and not drinking isn’t an issue.

If you decide to start trying, I’d talk to your friend first. Explain to her that you understand how important it is to her for you to be there and to be involved, but that you and your husband are ready to start trying now and don’t want to wait that long. If you’ve been healthy and your close family members have had healthy pregnancies (if there have been any), then it’s likely that you will have a healthy pregnancy as well, and will be able to participate in the wedding events and fulfill your Maid/Matron of Honor duties. She is clearly a close friend for you to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and I think respecting that friendship is important to keep it strong.

In my oppinion, weddings are abotu family and celebration, and a new pregnancy/baby just adds to the joy. I know it can complicate some things logistically, but not being able to drink or not looking identical to the other BMs in your dress while pregnant are not good reasons to hold off on expanding your family to be in a wedding.

Post # 12
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

even if you got pregnant today, you’ll only be 6 months along at her wedding. it’s not like you won’t be able to attend.

Post # 13
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I agree that one shouldn’t plan one’s life around someone else’s wedding day, but waiting until the beginning of February doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. I wouldn’t be concerned at all about being able to drink and party, but I would be concerned about being able to travel and be up and about. I have several friends who had complications to their pregnancies and were put on bed rest for the last month or two of their pregnancy—so you wouldn’t want to not be able to attend her wedding at all if something unforeseen happened with the pregnancy. But if you are only a few months along, then I can’t think of anything that would prevent you from being there and supporting her on her wedding day. Good luck with TTC 🙂

Post # 14
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You shouldn’t feel guilty at all and you don’t have to tell her that you’re trying if you don’t want to.  And as everyone else said, it’s not like you would have to miss out on the wedding or other festivities (besides drinking) because you’d only be a few months along.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Friends let friends live their own lives.

Post # 16
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I say start trying! I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I had a pregnant bridesmaid, which was fine, and I was just in my friends’ wedding last weeking and I’m 19 weeks pregnant. I was a little disappointed my sister got pregnant right before my wedding but it was because she wasn’t able to participate in a lot of the wedding day activities and I missed her. But the baby is more important, and most people keep that into perspective.

This past weekend I was in a wedding, I can tell you I was totally exhausted  by the end of the night, I didn’t feel like dancing, and I just wanted to go home and sleep. I stuck it out for my friend though, he was amazing through my wedding and I know he was disappointed I coudn’t party with everybody ( I was too!) but they had an amazing day and got  over it. The wedding is over, and I still have my little bun in the oven and I couldn’t be happier and you will feel the same way.

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