(Closed) Matron of Honor's husband is leaving her

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OMG I’m sorry, that totally sucks.  What a douche!!!!!  Who says that to their wife of 18 years and the mother of their children??  He needs a swift kick to the you know what, stat. 

Can you let her keep the title and ask one of your other BMs to plan the bachelorette party instead?  I’m sure if you explain the situation, everyone will be more than understanding. 

It really sucks b/c you technically lost your Maid/Matron of Honor.. I know she’s still happy for you, but I can totally see being uncomfortable and her probably being very depressed right now and thinking about her own failed marriage and not your upcoming one.  Sucks so bad, I can’t blame her, either. 

Sorry you both are going through this right now! 🙁

Post # 4
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ask her how she feels about planning your stuff. Then if she doesn’t feel so good about it, just keep her as the Maid/Matron of Honor, but delegate the planning to your other bridesmaids. It’s really awesome of you to think of her like this instead of being a bridezilla.

Post # 5
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MrsJenBee:  I agree.

I’m so sorry about what happened to your sister. I don’t understand men like that. 🙁

Post # 7
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would ask another bridesmaid to step up and do things like party planning and such. Your sister should remain Maid/Matron of Honor though.

Post # 8
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@vmec:  I agree

Post # 10
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i’m sorry this has happened to your sister but she’s better off being alone than with someone who doesn’t love her.

if she is not feeling up to it, there is no reason why you need to include her in all of the planning details.  of course keep her as moh but she can let you know if she wants to contribute more than on the day of the wedding.

i would have some of your party friends plan the bachelorette party.  perhaps you can mention this to your sister first to see how she feels about it so she is not offended.

you may be surprised, your sister may want to keep herself occupied with the planning.

Post # 12
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Odess:  Hrm, I don’t think he’ll show.  Even if his daughters are in the wedding. 

I hope this works out for you!

Post # 13
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I hope he doesn’t show up!! Though if you’ve known him so long, possibly just talk to him about it. You don’t have to be nasty or anything, ask if he plans on coming to see his daughters and, if he says yes, just say “Because [MOH] is really struggling with all this at the moment, I’d prefer it if you didn’t come while she was around in case there was a scene.” Then arrange for a time he can see his daughters before or after the ceremony and get some photos of them before the Maid/Matron of Honor turns up (she could be helping you get dressed, or posing with you for the photographer, etc.).

As for you MOH’s duties – ask her what she feels comfortable doing (she may not even feel up to being a bridesmaid, let alone a MOH! So just let her know she can decide to do whatever is best for her without any judgement or repercussions.

Depending on where you live, your 19 year old bridesmaids may not be able to drink/have a wild party anway, so what were you thinking of doing? A girls’ night in, bowling, laser tag? There’s no rule that says you can’t organise it yourself with the help of one or two of your more mature bridesmaids!

Good luck with it all, and I think you’re an amazing sister for being so considerate to your Maid/Matron of Honor during this.

Post # 14
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

What an asshat.

I second what the other PP said and ask another bridesmaid if they could plan, but still ask your sister to be the Maid/Matron of Honor if she’s comfortable. Just let her know that you’ll be there for her and also give her space when she needs it.

I mean, who the fuck does that to their wife and children.

Post # 15
4929 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Your neices could probably plan a lot more than you think, especially the 19-year-old and if they work together. 

What about your mom or MIL? They could help your neices plan things like the bachelorette party and bridal shower. I bet one of them wouldn’t mind. 

Post # 16
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am going through the same thing! My Maid/Matron of Honor has just announced that she will be getting a divorce because her husband has been cheating! I feel so terrible for the same reasons that you have stated. I don’t want to rub my marriage and love in her face. I also don’t want to take any official Maid/Matron of Honor duty away from her, since she was so over the moon excited to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I feel like taking doing that in my situation would make her feel useless, and unable to contribute to the celebration. I have been playing it by ear. I am hoping that if it begins to be too much for her, she will speak up and give the green light for another maid to step up and take care of buisness. I think as far as planning your bachelorette party, she should still do it. I mean that is really a great time to bond and have fun with just the girls. I am offering my Maid/Matron of Honor lots of support still, and we talk about everything she is going through, But when we are wedding planning, we are in wedding planning mode. In a way I think it’s taking her mind off of some of the thoughts that might be going through her head if she had more time on her hands.

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