- 5 years ago
Pam and I have been best friends for 12 years. We have had a wonderful friendship for the most part but last year things changed a little. I was thinking of taking a holiday with SO (now FI) and were trying to decide between England (8 hour plane ride) where Pam lives or taking a cruise. Pam encouraged me to come to England. Said I could stay with her and would have no worries and she’d ensure she took some time off to show us around, etc. It sounded great. SO had never been to England before so we decided to go there. Pam and I talked about the trip for months. We were so excited. I gave her my dates very early and she said all was good with work and taking time off. Great. 1 month before the trip, I sent her an email telling her tickets were booked and paid for and that I was super excited and couldn’t wait to see her, her hubby and her daughter (my godkid). Pam replied and said that she didn’t have any room for both me and SO to stay there and that I could stay there and she could ask a friend to host SO. She stated that though they have 2 bedrooms, she’s not ok with me and my SO sleeping in the same bed together because she’s a Christian. Newsflash, I’m a Christian too and sharing a room doesn’t equate to sex. Secondly, I could’ve slept in the room and SO could’ve slept in the living room on the air mattress I knew she had. However, I respected her view and said ok.
Let me just state that had this situ been reversed, I would have had a different stance and would have no prob with it, especially if I encouraged her to stay with me instead of going elsewhere. That said, I brushed it off and we made plans to stay with SO’s aunt. When I informed Pam of this she said that she would like to come for me from the aiport but that petrol is very expensive in the UK so she has to be smart about driving and wasting gas. I said ok. She also said that she’s busy with work so would have to see if she could sneak calls to me from time to time or if she can make time to see me at all. I said ok. The whole tone of the conversation was weird and was basically her telling me all the stuff she couldn’t do. She was very non-chalant in my opinion. I eventually called her out on it and she said, “Blame life, not me. I’m sorry for not making any real effort but life takes the joy and excitement out of you sometimes. Feel free to still come.” Her whole attitude sucked.
I was also upset because in 2008, I was living from pay check to pay check and had to take out a $3000 loan to be able to afford the plane fare and Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for her wedding. Hmmm.
But…I went to England and had a great time with SO. I enjoyed meeting his family! Pam eventually redeemed herself. She apologised for being weird. She came to see us, drove us places, organised a special dinner for us, drove us to airport to spend time with us before out plane back home left.
Fast forward one year:
Pam and I were having a convo about my SO one day. I was telling her that I have a feeling he is gonna propose soon cuz he was dropping lots of hints. She said to me, “I would be so happy for you if he does. I know you love him to death and he’s a great guy. I just hope that you guys end up picking a wedding month that’s cheap in terms of airfare for me to fly to the wedding. Certain months are better than the others obviously.” I didn’t comment. She then went on to talk about the fact that she knows I’m gonna make her and the girls wear a gorgoeus dress cuz I have great taste. Said she’s had ideas for a long time about what she’d want to say in a Maid/Matron of Honor speech for me. I suppose it was understood that she’d be my Maid/Matron of Honor…
SO proposed to me a month after Pam and I had the above convo. I made cute cards to ask my girls to be in the bridal party. Bees, please note that I also have a Maid/Matron of Honor who I’ve known since primary school. Anyways, when Pam got hers in the mail, she said “I’m so shocked. I never thought I’d be in the bridal party. I just figured I’d come as a guest and sit in the front. I’m honoured to be asked though. Of course!” Hmmm…
The meat of the matter:
I’ve been engaged for 4 months and Pam and I have only spoken 4 times. She is someone I never went more that one week without speaking to since high school. We’ve lived in different countries since that time but our friendship has always been constant. We’re even much closer than we were in high school.
After I asked the girls, I had a convo with Pam and my Maid/Matron of Honor about the way we would deal with stuff. This was vital as Pam lives in another country. The convo went well and I felt genuine happiness and willingness to help me / lend advice from Pam. After that convo, she never intiated any real contact with me. I was always the one who had to message her and her responses were usually short. In August, she messaged me to say thanks for the birthday gift I sent her.
Last month, I started the second year of my degree programme and life continued as usual for me. I heard nothing from Pam but all of my girls would msg me and I’d msg them. It was 50/50. We would talk about life and work and they would always offer to help me do stuff for the wedding. Always. However, Pam seemed to be M.I.A. Whenever, I’d log on to FB, I would see her in the chat list or I would see things on my newsfeed that she posted.
Two weeks ago, I decided to message her. I said, “We haven’t spoken in about 2 months. That’s not the norm. Is something wrong?” She said, ” No, I just figured you don’t want to talk to me with university and your engagement and all. I have chosen not to talk to you.” Bees, I was stunned! That’s so much BS. I told her it’s sad that she would think that given this is the second degree programme I’m in since we been friends. I also told her we’ve never gone more than a week without talking in the past – a past that consisted of 2 pregnancies, marriage and lots of university attendance on her end. I said I would never be so caught up that I don’t want to talk to her and it’s really hurtful she would say that. I also said I felt bad she deliberately chose not to speak to me. I told her this is an especially amazing time in my life and we’re supposed to be bestfriends, yet she’s chosen not to be around. She said, “Well I’m sorry you feel that way but I felt it was best I keep my distance to avoid having to walk on eggshells or get cussed by you. I’m at work though. God bless you. Bye.” OMG Bees, I was stunned again. I have never everrrrrrr cursed this girl in my life. Never. The only weird time we had in the friendship was when I mentioned to her how the stuff she said re: my trip had annoyed me. Like I told you guys, she ended up apologising and making up for it. Other than that, we were good before and after that. I’m absolutely stunned.
That was 2 weeks ago. I haven’t spoken to her since. She’a still all over Facebook and such. She’s not contacted me and I don’t intend to contact her. Friendship is not supposed to be one sided. I guess I said all of the above to get an opinion from you guys. What should I do if she never contacts me? As it stands, the dresses are all sorted and the girls will get them in Feb. She knows the date and time of our wedding so technically there’s nothing stopping her from attending. My wedding is in May. I’m not interested in her still standing by me given how she’s been ignoring me.