Post # 1
So when I got engaged I asked one of my friends to be my Matron of Honor. Since then she has been what you would call controlling and almost acts as if my wedding is her wedding (she got married in April 2013). She jokes around about me being a bad bride because I don’t keep her busy with projects. Mind you I have a Maid of Honor too and haven’t demanded either one to do anything as I really don’t have anything for them to do yet. Anyways the list goes on and on…. I’m gettting married on a small beach she want to be barefoot because thats what she wanted to do for her wedding and its just not my cup of tea. She wants me to wear my hair up…I want to wear my hair down…and she constantly hounds me with pictures of up-do’s. She lied about my other bridesmaids having an issue with how much hair and make-up will cost when in reality she’s the one who brought the subject up with the other girls in the first place…saying her husband wouldn’t go for how much hair and make up would cost. Then telling me that she would get her hair done but have the make-up artists who did the make-up at her wedding come and do her make-up the day of my wedding. She doesn’t want to stay at the hotel with the rest of us girls the night before the wedding so we can all be together and ride to the salon in the morning. Now for the past week it seems like she’s been avoiding me…hasn’t returned my text messages and silences my phone calls/doesn’t return my phone calls. Well I’ll take that back she finally did call me this morning and left a bs excuse saying that she was sorry that it took so long to get back to me but no real explanation of why she’s been MIA. At this point she’s the only one/thing that is stressing me out about my wedding. Help! Don’t know what to do!
Post # 2
jchristy0407: I can understand not wanting to pay for hair/make-up and not wanting to stay in the hotel the night before, but the rest of it sounds pretty unreasonable. If she really is stressing you out that much, maybe ask her to step down?
Post # 3
Thanks for the advice housebee!Thats what I’ve been debating over for a couple of days….its just so hard. And I hear you about the hair and make-up issuse as I gave them the option to only get thier hair done vs both or they also had the option to not do it at all. And the hotel I told her that she could stay in my room the night before the wedding so we could all be together as that is what two of my other bridesmaids are doing. I just might have to bite the bullet and ask her to step down.
Post # 4
If costs are an issue, why don’t you offer to pay for it or have them do their own? I would be upset if I had to choose one or both and not have the option of doing myself if I’m short on money.
Who cares if she stays at the hotel, as long as she shows up at the salon or even the wedding ready to go?
when is your wedding? I wouldn’t ask her to step down based on those demands. I would try and offer to help or let her do her own hair, makeup and just be at the wedding. I think you are asking too much if she and her husband don’t think they can afford it.
You asked her to stand by your side for a reason. What is most important – having your friend at your side or demanding she spend money on hair or makeup and a hotel room?
Post # 5
OK sharksgrl99 you didn’t really read through my post the hair and make-up issue is the fact that she made it seem like my other bridesmaids had a problem with how much everything cost and never once pulled me aside and was honest with me that she had a problem with how much it all cost. I could honestly care less if she didn’t want to get hair/make-up one done or if she needed help paying for anything….because I would help her out if that was the case. Its the fact that she lied about the situation and the hotel I told her as well as my other bridesmaids that she could stay with me in my hotel room the night before the wedding so she wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel room at all. And back to the hair and make up issue she wants to get her hair done and then have a random person at my wedding doing her make-up…. so she can afford to have a personal make-up artisit show up before my wedding do her make up while we are all taking pictures together…doesn’t really make any sense to me.
Post # 6
This mostly seems like much ado about nothing. If the worst she’s done is to offer to help any way she can and make a unsolicited suggestions about bare feet and updos, it doesn’t sound so bad. Just tell her those things have already been decided. If she just won’t let go of a topic tell her that you appreciate her input, but you have your own ideas and vision.
She may not have “lied” at all about the hair and makeup. It sounds to me as if she thought your demands were unreasonable and discussed the matter with the other bridesmaids. Even if they agreed with her, they may not admit it to you in order not to offend. The truth is that unless you are paying, you had no right to dictate either of those things. She did nothing wrong there.
As for affording to have the MUA there, maybe it’s someone that she knows that will charge her less. You don’t have to allow her to bring her own MUA to the location, though. She’d have to do it on her own time.
Ditto to sleeping in your room overnight. You can invite her, though I’d want to have some privacy and rest, but you can’t require or even expect it.
The most she sounds is slightly annoying and over eager. But from the way you describe her at least, I think it’s over the top to ask her to step down over any of these things. As for not getting back to you for a week, you have no clue what might have been going on in her life. She did apologize proactively, which is a big point in her favor.
Post # 7
jchristy0407: I think before you ask her to step down, there are other steps you can take.
For one, have a serious heart to heart with her before you destroy your friendship – because asking her to step down probably will.
Outline (strongly) your ideas about YOUR wedding and this is how it’s going to be, i.e: your hair, being barefoot etc.
As far as the hair and make up, let her bring her own make up arist if that’s what she would like – for HER hair, or suggest she do her own. As for the hotel, if she doesn’t want to stay with you, that’s not a maid-zilla, that’s up to her. But suggest staying with you and explain it’s so you can all ride the next morning.