(Closed) Mature Content–Porn

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I had the same thing happen to me. I found his searches and confronted him on it.  I asked him basically am I not enough, etc.  This was about 3 months ago.

He travels for work during the week so I decided to start sending him risqué pictures of myself. Imatarted making light of the situation and told hiM to look at me not fake girls he’ll never get.

I haven’t checked his browsing history lately bc now I’d just rather not see what he’s looking at.  Don’t know if this helps but sometimes it’s better not to torture yourself. Guys are dumb 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. You are right, I am just going to say that guys look at porn. Hell, I look at porn. By myself! It’s really not a big deal. He still thinks you are sexy and desirable. Actually, I want my Fiance more after I watch porn, and I would guess that your man is the same way. Please don’t let this hang up mess with your relationship. If you make him feel embarrassed or ashamed about what he is doing, he won’t feel as if he can trust you with anything. I understand that it is difficult to understand, but keep telling yourself that his desire to watch porn has NOTHING to do with you. Even if it’s weird or non traditional porn. Many times, porn is just a way for for men to satisfy some of their desires that would get satisfied otherwise.It is perfectly harmless.

 

Godd luck with dealing with this!

Post # 5
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@jeanie3:  I personally don’t think that looking at porn is that big of a deal, unless it interferes with your sex life. You aren’t going to be turned on every time your partner is, nor is your partner going to be turned on every time you are. So there may be times where you or he will still need a sexual release, when the other isn’t willing/wanting/able to help out. So maybe his way of dealing with it is by looking at porn.

I would suggest having another talk with him to find out how often he looks at porn, how long he’s been doing it for, why he does it etc etc. If it’s something he’s always done, every so often, and he just does it when he can’t have you and you were happy with your sex life before, do things really need to change? Would it be possible for you to be “When I’m not around/available/in the mood, he looks at porn. We still have a satisfying sex life, so it’s not a big deal.”

If it’s more into the you don’t turn me on/we don’t have sex enough (on either your part or his part)/it’s an addiction and he does it all the time or whatever I would recommend couple’s therapy.

Post # 6
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I think it is perfectly fine/understandable to feel upset.  Each and every couple has their thoughts and feelings on the subject — Darling Husband and I do not feel comfortable with porn so we will send sexy pictures and stories about ourselves if we need to be close while we are apart…I would be upset if he looked at other sexy material.

I would talk to someone about it…that way you can figure out if your really want to let this go, or if you need to set your foot down about your needs and what you desire in your relationship.  I think both parties need to be consentual about porn in a relationshipl

Post # 7
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know you said you didn’t want to hear “guys just do that” but this is along those lines, but I’ll try to make it more informative than just a statement…

In studies when men view a conversation occuring between a man and a woman they think about a sexual event (not by reports, by brain scans). When women see it they think of it just as a conversation. Men are programmed to think about what they see as sexual-that is what I remember when i realize he looks up naked celebrities and stuff.

Looking at porn (espcially if it’s stuff different than you guys do together) may just be fufilling some sort of internal fantasy. He may not really ever do that in person- even if given the option! 

If he’s having sex with you and marrying you…he thinks you are sexy

Post # 9
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

A similar thing happened to me.  I had just gotten home and my husband had been home alone for a while.  I wanted to search something on google and grabbed his phone.  On it was picture of a girl spread eagle (disgusting and getting mad just writing this!!)  I asked him about it and he admitted casually (like it was no big deal!) that he had been horny earlier and had…ahem….pleasured himself to this picture.  I was sooooooooooo pissed!  I think he really thought I wouldn’t mind  it.  I am confident in our relationship and not a very jealous person at all so I think he thought I wouldn’t mind it.  I don’t know…..I would not have expected it from him at all.  He is the most sweet, considerate person who I thought would never do this.  I felt gross.  Its like he is objectifying women. I didn’t want him to see me naked after that.  I don’t really have any advice for you, but I do know that if my husband does it, probably a lot of them do.  I’m not saying its okay, just that they probably do.  I eventually just got over it.  Only after he apologized profusely and said he felt sick about it.  He promised he would never do that again, but I don’t know if I truly believe that.  He better be careful to cover his tracks though because I really think its better if I don’t know about it! 

 

Post # 10
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

As long as it doesn’t interfere with your sex life, I don’t consider porn a problem. Since finding out about seems to be disturbing you, have you thought about just asking him to make sure you don’t find it? Ask him to clear his search history and be discreet about watching it. This way, you won’t have to keep finding his porn. If you ask him to stop looking a porn, that’s very unlikely to happen and this will keep being an issue, but if you accept the fact that he’s going to watch it and let him know you don’t want to see it you may have better luck.

Post # 11
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I dont want to be harsh.. but personally I think you are making wayyy to much of a big deal over this. My fiance watches porn. Daily. I watch it, albiet not as much as he does but at least once a month. My Fiance watches things that I would never ever ever let him do to me and I watch things that he would never ever ever partake in… we all have our fantasies and thats all they are. I watch the things that secretly turn me on (but I would never do) and he does the same thing.

It has nothing to do with how he feels about you. All he is doing it getting out of his system something he knows he would never actually partake in and there is NOTHING to be ashamed about. Neither of you should feel any shame, hurt of embarrasment. Its normal and natural.

Maybe you could watch it together? Fiance and I do that sometimes and let me tell you, we have a LOT of fun when we do ;P

Post # 12
Member
46450 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am ambivalent about porn. I really don`t care if he looks at it, and we do occasionally watch together. The only thing about porn that bothers me is the exploitation of these women( yes and some men) who are in the business.

I do believe that just because a man watches porn, it is no reflection on you or your realtionship. Men are visual period. It has nothing to do with you or your availability. It could just be foreplay for him.

Post # 13
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I walked IN on my husband (then fiancee) watching porn…and not just watching…

It really really scarred me.  It was tough because my friends didn’t understand why I didn’t “offer a helping hand”.  But I just don’t like thinking about him thinking and fantasizing about other women.

I understand what you’re going through :/ But consider yourself lucky that you didn’t see the act in progress!

Post # 15
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m sorry 🙁 Unlike some PPs, I would pretty much freak if I found that on my browsing history. It would totally shake my self confidence and I couldn’t get it out of my head either. I haven’t ever caught Darling Husband with it, but we have had a conversation about me not being comfortable with it at all. We haven’t done this, but one compromise might be to make him a boudoir album. That way if he wants to get busy with himself, he can be checkin YOU out!

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