(Closed) Maxed out and bridesmaid now wants guest – advice please!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
340 posts
Helper bee

She is your bridesmaid. She has don’t so much for you. I would allow her to bring someone. Let her have the best, most memorable time she can have. You might feel bad and you don’t want to do that at your wedding and you don’t want to see her upset either. Being single at a wedding isn’t easy for any woman, especially a bridesmaid.

Post # 4
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s just one extra person.  She’s important enough to you to be your bridesmaid.  I’d let her bring a guest.

Programs don’t matter, don’t worry about the seating chart.  It’s one extra chair.   

Post # 5
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AlmostMrsGreer:  If you have finalized everything and adding one more person would cause a lot of stress, than NO.

She missed the deadline. After that, there is NOTHING you can do. If she had come to you beforehand, yes sure!

But now, you are 22 days out and everything is done. All RSVPs have been turned in and I’m sorry, she waited too long.

Good luck

Post # 6
6544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m a huge proponant of +1, everyone on my guest list who was single got one regardless of if they were dating. However, the deadline has passed, and you even called to confirm with her and she told you no. At this point I would say, “At this point all of our final headcounts needed for ordering food/supplies have already been made and it’s too late to change that. I wish you would have told me back when I first asked, because unfortunatly it’s just too late.”

Post # 7
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Why don’t you have him come after dinner? Obviously they’d be sitting apart anyway during dinner if he came, so what’s the point of that? But he could come for dancing and then seats don’t matter. 

Post # 8
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

yeah, i agree that she should absolutely get a plus one whether she’s dating someone or not because shes in the bridal party, but 1.) the dealine passed 2.) she verbally confirmed she is not bringing anyone 3.) youve already given the caterer final numbers.

unfortunately, it’s too late.

Post # 9
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

She DID get a +1 and she said she wasn’t taking advantage of it. It’s her mistake. If you truly cannot make space, then she will understand.

Post # 10
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Pinkmoon:  I like this idea.  You confirmed she didn’t have a guest and now she has one.  If you absolutely cannot add one person tell her but I would let her know that if he wanted to come after dinner and dance/party/keep her company then he could.  Honestly, you will probably have a few no shows and he can take one of those seats.  We had 60 guests RSVP but only 50 showed.

Post # 11
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My assumption would be that she is asking to bring a guest because she wants to spend time with that person. If that’s not a possibility, then I would have no problem saying no to the person.

Bottomline: You are not the one being rude by telling her no to the guest– she is the one being rude by even asking. 

Post # 13
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m okay with this either way. Usually I saw yes all bridal party members must be allowed to bring a +1 – but you gave her ample opportunity to get her guest in order and unfortunately for her she didn’t.

If you can easily stick someone else in I’d do it for her, otherwise I honestly don’t see anything wrong with you not allowing it.  

Post # 14
11 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Maid/Matron of Honor did the same thing to me last week. Rsvp’d for 1 then changed her mind 2 weeks before the wedding, knowing we’re already 13 over. I was annoyed, especially because I absolutely can’t stand the new guy she’s dating. Ultimately though, I gave in…she is my Maid/Matron of Honor after all and has been so supportive throughout this whole wedding process. 

I say let her have the +1. Tell her he’ll have to eat standing up. Just kidding, don’t do that! And don’t worry about where to seat him. He’s a last minute addition and most guests get up and mingle after they eat as well.

Post # 15
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, your RSVP date was too early.  It should be just one to two weeks before the date of the event.  Yours appears to have been almost 5 weeks early, which in reality is too early for guests to have to confirm.

This is also your bridesmaid, and you did invite her with a guest.  I do think that you should honour her request to bring a date. 

I find it hard to believe that your caterer has locked you into the # you have given this far out.  I suspect they will want a final # 1-2 weeks before the date.  You also hopefully printed more then the exact # of programs you need, in case of damage or loss.

Overall, I think this sitution is a direct result of your overly early RSVP date, so I think you should accept her request.

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