- 5 years ago
- Wedding: City, State
It’s been many years now, but May 9th is the anniversary of the date I left my abuser. I bought myself a cute but tiny little place out in the high desert to use for healing, but it was very lonely at first.
We had a whirlwind romance– it was a mad attraction, full of fireworks. First red flag–he wanted to move the relationship along quickly.
The emotional abuse started on our wedding night. It was a shock, but I wrote it off to exhaustion. My parents were both terribly abusive, so being abused felt “normal” to me. Although I was becoming increasingly anxiuos & depressed. I started therapy with a very bad therapist.
One day, my yoga teacher offered a stress management class at the local community college & I signed up. We were to journal our stress & share in the class. As I read out loud the things my now ex h had said & done, I could see the looks of shock & horror on their faces. This wasn’t normal.
I signed up for a couple of discussion boards where they tried to shake me out of my denial.
Eventually, it sunk in & I got scared. I studied everything I could find about abuse–I needed to know if he was capable of killing me. The physical violence was still minimal, but he threatened to ‘bury me in the desert. Still alive’ & kept a loaded 357 magnum in the house.
Like many victims, I often found myself saying & doing things out of character for me–typical for victims & makes us erroneously believe we share some of the blame.
Eventually, I escaped, found a good therapist & went on anti deptressants. Once I was out, all I wanted to do was go back. I cried all day. Normal. Traumatic bonds are harder to break than healthy ones. Think Stockholm Syndrome. I read everything about abuse. I went to groups at the DV center. I was active on the boards. I was determined to become an expert in abuse–I already had my MSc in psych.
My therapist thinks I should be giving talks to abused women.
I met my now Dh in the midst of my monstrous divorce from my abuser. He was a perfect gentleman & more than willing to accept being friends only.
Time & knowledge worked their magic. Knowledge is power. I see so many wonderful women on this board suffering through abusive relationships. I want to reach out to you. Ask me anything about abuse.
Todsy I celebrate taking the first incredibly difficult & painful step toward recovering from all of the abuse in my life.