(Closed) May have cancelled wedding on misinformation

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My most sincere condolances to you and your family.  That must be so difficult to deal with right now.  It sounds like you did what you thought was best in light of such a difficult situation.  I don’t have any advice for you.  Just wanted to offer thoughts and prayers.  

Post # 4
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@sienna76:  Oh my…you must feel like you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster.  I’m sorry to hear that.  Hugs!

Post # 4
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The town family doctor may have been pressured by your Dad to give him a time frame. Patients often demand this information. It can be  an impossible question to answer but the doctor may have made his best guess under pressure from your Dad.

When a family member makes a decision to refuse treatment, they need our support, and the rest of the family needs support to deal with that decision.

My heart goes out to you and your Fiance.

Post # 5
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Unfortunately most doctors do not give a timeline because they really don’t know. My grandmother had cancer behind her eye for almost TEN YEARS. She was written up in medical journals around the world because it just randomly stopped spreading. Every year she was told “6 more months” or “maybe a year” and she just kept on trucking. My other grandmother was not given a time frame until the very end (and then it was, “you have maybe week, I’d come visit”). She lived another month after that.

Cancer is a horrible disease, but unfortunately no one, not even specialists, can predict how it will really effect someone.

I will keep your dad in my thoughts. I know what a hard time this might be for you and your family.

Post # 7
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How stressful for your entire family.  I am so sorry you are dealing with this. 

Post # 8
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

As someone who worked in Oncology for almost 4 years I can tell you, most Oncologist will not give a time frame. It is so unpredictable how it will grow and spread or respond to treatment. They will probably keep doing scans every so often to see how fast it is spreading or if he has new symptoms.

Regardless of what he decides he definately will still need your support. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!

Post # 9
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yikes.  I’m sorry you’re going through this (as I expressed on my thread).  I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.  This is a true emotional roller coaster as well.  I wish you and your family the best of luck.  Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.  (hugs)

Post # 10
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I just wanted to send some hugs your way. I think you and your Fiance made the best choice with the information you have. This way, you are able to focus on your father without having to wonder about wedding things. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers!

Post # 11
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sienna76:  A family doctor can’t give a time frame like that, he doesn’t have the expertise -your father should def get a 2nd opinion from another oncologist

Your father may have resigned himself to death and is reluctant to believe that there is hope–when there may be hope for him–I have seen this happen in my family

I have also seen my sister’s ex father in law diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told by experts that he had little to no chance of living, that he shouldnt’ bother with treatment—that was 6 years ago and he is still going strong-and teaching at NYU full time. He had chemo and some experimental surgery that wasn’t even covered by his insurance because they didn’t think he would live through it


My grandmother had CNS lymphoma in her brain, which as a 97% death rate, doctors told her it might not be worth it to do chemo because it was so advanced. She is just fine 10 years later, she actually gained weight on chemo–just felt a bit nauseous sometimes. Your father could always start chemo and see how he does on it before deciding

Maybe you could go with your father to the 2nd oncologist and ask for a frank descripton of what his situation is, you can’t force your father to do anything but if you tell him how important it is to you that he tries to fight for his life it may influence his decision

Post # 14
8670 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@sienna76:  I am really sorry to hear about your dad.

As someone who has battled cancer a few times (I just finished a round of chemo) I can tell you that it is such a tough decision whether to accept treatment or not. And since your dad has fought this battle previously and his cancer does sound quite serious and chemo may have been more of a time buying measure I am sure he considered all options before deciding not to seek treatment.

Honestly I have had this dicussion with my hubby about the what if’s and I have said that if it ever got to the stage where I had enough and didn’t have the fight in me anymore or that it was just a time buying measure that I would like his support to stop treatment and enjoy the time I had left without feeling like hell. And there have been times in the past where I feel like hell and have spent weeks in hospital hooked up to machines where I seriously contemplated that it was enough.

It is uniquely personal for each individual- some people have the strength to fight until their last breath even if it means living so drugged up that you can barely talk/walk/eat whilst some people choose to make the most of the time they have left clear headed. It is the individuals choice and I think it is their loved ones obligation to support it.

By all means be upset, feel angry because ultimately this disease is unfair but don’t get so overcome with those emotions that it takes over what is important here- your father and spending time making memories with him before he passes.

Post # 15
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry  =o(  These situations are frustrating for the patient and family.  In your position, all you can do is react to what you’ve been told… you’re kind of at the mercy of your dad’s decisions and the different doctors’ opinions.  It must feel like being on a rollercoaster.  I don’t even know what to say, but know that everyone here supports you and is wishing you well…

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