Post # 1
<li style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px; border: 0px; list-style: none; float: left; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial initial;”>I’m just going to vent. I feel conflicted because I thought I was getting proposed to next week based on all the clues only to find out that my boyfriend is not proposing. However, I still have hope it may happen because all the signs are cliche signs that paint a picture for a proposal. My family even thought he would propose, but I know he would never do that unless talking to my dad. And I definitely don’t think he has talked to my dad, but my dad said he wouldn’t care if he asked permission because he approves of him. I feel like all my family and friends hyped me up and it’s for good reason, but then I’m like oh wait I don’t think he’s actually proposing. So anyways, here are the details…
My boyfriend knows his family and my family definitely want us married because we all love each other. We have been dating for 4 years, he has a full time job with a good salary and I’m in a doctorate program where I will graduate in 2 years….so it makes sense if he would propose now. However we are currently long distance and have been for about 6 months because his job is 3 hours away from the school I attend. We see each other at least once a month, and we have a plan to definitely get married after I graduate and move in together and buy a house and all that. We had rough patch at the start of being long distance since we used to only live 5 minutes apart all the time we have been dating, and I’m not sure if that threw him off.
Anyways, he’s been telling me he wants to treat me to a trip as my Christmas present and that he will pay for it all because he makes good money and wants to take time off to spend quality time with me for a week since we usually only see each other for 2-3 days at a time. Over Thanksgiving, his mom was asking me about wedding things and how she is so excited for us to get married. She even asked me what kind of rings I like and I showed her. She used to be a Zales manager so she knows her stuff. Then, a couple weeks later/about 2 weeks before Christmas, he told me he has a surprise gift for me that is really expensive and that I will never guess it and he hopes I like it. I immediately thought it was a proposal, but he shot it down and told me I’ll be disappointed because it’s definitely not that. Then leading up to Christmas and after Christmas, he kept talking about how he is so excited to give me this gift when we see each other. We didn’t get to spend Christmas together or New Years because the trip is next week so that will be our time together. Then he tells me the trip is a surprise too and that he is planning it all which is something that he never does. All my friends and family keep telling me they think it’s a proposal and even his siblings think it’s a proposal because he won’t twll them the surprise either. He keeps shooting down the idea that it’s a proposal when his siblings bring it up. I ask him if his parents know about this surprise and he said they’re the ones who helped pick it out. So everything basically sounds like it’s going to be a proposal and I tell him that and he says he is not ready for that at this point in time and wants it to be closer to when I graduate and when he has more school loans paid off and that makes sense and he completely sees why people would think it’s a proposal….but he said it’s 100% not that…I don’t know. I still feel like it might be, and I’m afraid I’ll be upset if it’s not but still want to enjoy our trip.
Oh and he also said that the trip will include a lot of snow and to bring winter gear like snow pants and I’m thinking it’s a ski trip because I have never been skiing, and he likes trying new things with me especially outdoors. So everything is cliche…surprise trip, surprise gift, it’s after New Years/holiday time, ski resort aka popular place for proposals…what do you all think?
Post # 2
I think it’s a possibility, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up and expect it. Then you may get upset and not enjoy the trip! I know it’s definitely hard waiting just try and focus on spending time together and if he doesn’t ok the trip maybe a few weeks after the trip just have a calm (not finger pointing or demanding) discussion about the timeline of your relationship so you know what to expect! Good luck!
Post # 3
Expectation is the mother of disappointment! Just don’t overthink. Go and enjoy yoursrlf!
Post # 4
Ummm……this is all one board. Just because you post in a different subsection doesn’t mean the same people won’t see it and comment on it.
Post # 5
Sorry. This is my first time using this site. pussinboots83 :
Post # 6
lunbee1227 : People weren’t trying to mean in that last thread. I think they were just being honest about you potentially setting yoirself up for disappointment.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have lots of time to get engaged. You are still finishing a master’s degree. Just enjoy each other! Life’s about the journey and all that jazz. You’re going on a romantic vacation at a ski lodge! That is so fun, just enjoy it for what it is. When you get close to graduation, revisit the engagement time line talks if he hasn’t proposed yet. Then you can enjoy being engaged with the headache of schooling behind you.
Post # 7
lunbee1227 : no need to apologize just wanted to make sure that you knew all new posts appear on a main feed for all of the wedding bee boards
Post # 8
Speaking from my own experience – I encourage you to not get your hopes up. Your story mimics what happened to me this past September. Sometimes our SO’s just like to spoil us! My advice is to not overthink it and enjoy your trip! 🙂
Post # 9
lunbee1227 : I just read the other post. Nobody was being mean or acting like you’re psycho. They were suggesting that you take your boyfriend at his word. That seems like sound advice. I know you really really want him to propose on this trip, and sure there is some small possibility that he is deliberately deceiving you and does plan to propose, but if you go in expecting that, you are likely to end up disappointed. We don’t want you to be disappointed, which is why everyone is advising you to dial back your expectations and believe what he is saying.
Post # 10
I think it is a good idea to take someone at their word when they say they aren’t ready for engagement or marriage, as a rule. It manages expectations. The last thing you want to do is “hear” something that isn’t said because it is what you want to hear or how you want to interpret something. Communication is important – that means not only expressing yourself, but correctly interpreting what your partner is saying/showing/demonstrating to you.
I agree that signs may indicate a proposal is in the works if you two have a healthy relationship and have talked about it at length in the past. It’s also equally possible that he wants to give you a special trip and gift jewelry, (but not necessarily an engagement ring) because there is now physical distance between you and he is trying to be extra sweet to make up for that distance.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Closing for duplicate post