(Closed) Maybe I'm old fashioned….

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I was never waiting. I was happily leading my life with my man beside me. We were together for 4 years before he proposed and I don’t feel like I spent 1 minute of that time ‘waiting’

All these ‘old fashioned’ posts are reeking of sexism. It makes women sound so weak, it’s quite sad to read. 

Post # 48
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@lillyhere:  No I wasn’t waiting for 7 years, but that wasn’t clear in your post. You just said “If you’ve been with him for 7 years, and nothing has happened,” which is different from waiting for 7 years. I agree that actively waiting for 7 years is a long time, and there really should be a discussion at that point. But people can happily be in relationships for that long without feeling the pressure to get engaged.

Post # 49
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

For some of us an education was more important than a ring and the subsequent party. Fiance and I knew we wanted to marry one another by year 2. We waited as a MUTUAL DECISION until he had finished his Ph.D. to get married. That put us at year 7. Why? Because for us education is the most important thing. Judge us all you will for not jumping into marriage and dealing with it on top of both writing dissertations, but for us it was the right decision.

Post # 50
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@tallierand:  I don’t think she’s referring to women who were either young, not ready or neither were. Just women who are being led on or dealing with a man who is dragging his feet if I’m reading it right.

She explained further in her follow up posts.

Post # 51
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@pineapplez17:  exactly.  Maybe that’s not what OP is talking about, but when she’s like “my dad proposed at 23 with nothing – why wouldn’t other men care enough about their women to do that?!”, it’s like, judgemental much?  Your dad doesn’t determine how everyone else’s relationships should work.

Post # 52
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@pineapplez17:  exactly. sorry for not clarifying. 

It’s fine to be in a relationship for 10+ years and be legally single, no judgment here. It’s just about communicating and seeing eye to eye. You can be with a man forever and NOT WAIT because you are happy to be together regardless of status. ya know>? 

What annoy me are the delusional dreamt-of-a-wedding-since-5-years-old type girls who really only want that ring, the wedding…and then forget reality. That’s what image I get in my head of all the ‘waiting/walk date’ girls. i know that’s not the whole population, but that’s the general theme of desperation/immaturity they exude. 

Post # 54
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It’s all good if it’s a mutual decision due to age, maturity, money, school, or other life circumstances. But I have known/heard of people who have children together, live together, she wants to get married, and he still hasn’t proposed. At that point I’m like, REALLY? What is wrong with men today? And why do women who want to be married agree to buy a house and have babies before they get the commitment that they want? Is it the best they think they can do?

I realize that marriage isn’t something that everyone wants.

Post # 55
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@badabing88:  +1

 

At some point you decide to either continue waiting until he’s ready (if he intends on ever being ready) or to break it off because your life goals don’t align. Men are also allowed to decide they’re not ready to get married. If he’s being deceptive then I suppose that’s one thing. But if he’s not ready, and the woman is… like I said, she can make the choice of waiting or leaving.

Post # 56
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

OP, I had never heard of “waiting” before I joined the bee, so I understand what your original post is saying. OP isn’t referring to women who just date men for years going along their merry ways living their lives but the women who are actively waiting for a proposal and I, too, wouldn’t “wait” years and years for that either. I had never really thought of marriage until I met my bf but once the decision was made that we would get married and a “timeline” was loosely established, I’ve begun to expect a proposal and I wouldn’t appreciate it being stretched out indefinitely.

 

Perhaps we shouldn’t count waiting from the first date, beginning of the relationship, first I love you etc but just from the time marriage discussions were begun and someone began to expect a proposal.

 

 

 

Post # 57
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@lillyhere:  lol I was a ‘walk date girl’ although my dream was to marry the man I fell for. Not so much planning a wedding. I would’ve been happy to take a trip to city hall as long as the commitment was shown.  But it wasn’t on his end. If it makes me desperate to want marriage and children so be it. Although I find that statement ironic as we’re posting on the wedding bee.

 

Post # 58
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@lillyhere:  Gotcha. I know at one point Fiance was feeling pressured because he knew I was ready and he wasn’t, so I told him that it was more important for me to be with him than to just get married, so I would wait (although we both want kids so he knew that the waiting couldn’t go on forever). He said it took the pressure off. I agree that there are people out there who have the endgoal of marriage, and the person is not the important part. It’s just really tricky when people make these broad generalizations about a group of people…because there are so many exceptions in every situation.

@lolot:  yes! like, what about the 23 y/os who care about their SO so much that they want to save up and be able to provide for them? Or be able to afford a wedding? Not everyone has parents that can pay. And yes, people can elope, but if a man knows his SO would like to celebrate their marriage with family and friends, is it so strange that he would want to give her that? Or…maybe he wants a wedding too!

Post # 59
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m another example of getting together aged 16… we’re 23 and so have been together almost 7.5 years. The situation is different to this idea of ‘sitting there waiting for the man’ because 1) we had to grow up! 2) we went to college then went to university, then I trained as a teacher. 3) this meant we had to wait until now to move in together, which was particularly important to him to happen pre-engagement. We have compromised.

So whilst I have felt ready to move on to the next step for the last 18 months or so, reality is we wanted to get ourselves established in jobs and in a house first, and feel like adults. Now those ‘conditions’ have been met, yeah I am waiting for him to get his arse in gear! Marriage is super important me and he realises that, but we will be together regardless.

Post # 60
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@VikingPrincess:  you could just take matters into your own hands and propose.

Post # 61
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@NickiBee:  i guess that’s prime example of why ultimatums don’t work. why would you put yourself through the pain of giving him a ‘chance’ to make it right by proposing? If you see no commitment, then leave. 

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