(Closed) Maybe I'm old fashioned….

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@VikingPrincess:  Well you can have a baby/buy a house/live together without being married, people do it all the time.  Realistically, if you want these things in life, you can make them happen with or without a husband.  The only limitations we have are the ones we put on ourselves.

Post # 63
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@pineapplez17:  so I told him that it was more important for me to be with him than to just get married, so I would wait. He said it took the pressure off.

Exactly. I think you proved my point better than I could. 

Post # 65
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am in a 7-year-relationship. I’ll admit that I was ready 3 years ago, but I chose to stay. Choice is the key here.

I am waiting now, but I am waiting for a proposal that I *know* is coming. So, while it has been three years since I was ready to marry SO, it’s only been 3 months of waiting with a real expectation.

It depends on the man. Some want to be with the woman they are with for the rest of their lives, but they feel they can’t marry her until they have certain goals met – usually financial or career goals.

Others don’t want to marry the woman they are with ever.

It’s up to each waiting woman to objectively look at her SO to see which one of those he is and then choose what she wants. We do have the power of choice.

Post # 66
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Some people like me though do not want to have a child or live together without being married

@VikingPrincess:  Exactly, this is something that you want.  It doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen otherwise, but simply that you’re not letting it happen until the proper conditions are met.  There is nothing wrong with this, but you have to ask yourself if it’s worth the wait.  If it is, then waiting shouldn’t be a problem.

Post # 67
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@lillyhere:  I gave him a chance due to being one of those misled girls the OP is referring to. A few months prior to my walk he told without any prodding he was looking at rings. I didn’t see until later it was a veiled attempt to stall. Had he just been honest and said he had no intention of getting married to me I would’ve left asap. No walk date would’ve been needed. Soo I think in some cases if these guys had a pair and just been honest on what’s the hold up there would be a lot less walk dates.

It’s selfish and evil to waste someone’s time like that. Giving false hope.

Post # 68
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@NickiBee:  agreed. sorry he wasn’t what you had hoped. next time, you will learn to notice the red flags. 

Post # 69
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

This thread is interesting to me.  Kind of opening a can of worms. 

I will say that I think times have changed.  Men seem to think they can wait as long as possible without having to propose.  Most women still want the traditional proposal.  So this leads basically to a standoff for many couples.  The man thinks the status quo is completely fine, while the women is waiting for him to propose.  Most times, the man KNOWS the woman wants to get married.  And often times they have agreed they both want to get married.  But still, the woman waits.  And I think that completely sucks.  Many women wait years and years – I am not saying that they should do that, but many do.  The current era allows a man to get all the things that come with marriage without the actual ceremony – living together, a partner, sex, etc.  I can see why a man might not even bother with a proposal – why would he marry a woman if he’s already got everything that comes with marriage?  Why change anything?

So yes, I realize that it is more modern times, but I am traditional.  I want the man to step up, be a man, and do the honorable thing and propose to me. I want him to ask my dad’s permission.  I don’t want him to sit there and not make the next step with me because he’s already getting most of the marriage perks without having to commit.  Yes, equal rights and blah blah blah but marriage is something I see as very traditional.  Yes, you can decide together to get married, but the man needs to make the next step and propose.

In the case of me and my SO, he *knows* I want to marry him.  But he is still not 100% ready.  So there is NO WAY I am going to just propose to him.  I will wait until HE proposes to ME, because then when he does, I know for sure that he is 100% ready.  If I run out of patience waiting, I will leave.  But I would never propose.  It is not something I am comfortable with at all.  My opinion is the man should propose.

Post # 70
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not sure that I agree with everything the OP has said, but I don’t think it’s fair to jump all over her.  This is the *waiting* board, and we’ve all seen the posts by women who are being strung along.  There’s a difference between letting a relationship develop and being actively misled. 

Post # 72
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

@VikingPrincess:  Exactly!  This is how I took your original post.  Why would a man make a woman wait, knowing full well she wants to get married and he doesn’t?  Why would he lead her on?  It is completely disrespectful.  Just be honest.  If they don’t want to get married, they need to say so, and both parties can move on.  When a guy drags his feet, it is awful!

Post # 73
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Me and my Darling Husband dated for 6 years until we got engaged so we married at 7 years. but i was only 19 when i met him and didnt want to rush into marrying him. exp. since he was my first real boyfriend. Also my older sister and her Darling Husband waited 5-6 years till they got engaged because of school. so it seemed normal and like the smart thing to do to wait. I would say in reality i was actually only waiting for a year or two. it seemed like it might as well have been seven 😉 hehe. no it wasnt that bad. When i did have to wait it taught me patience (not that it was fun), and it made it a surprize. 

kandykane1

 I agree with you 100 % 😉 i had friends ask why i didnt ask. His mom actually proposed to his dad. Thats just not me and if it went down that way i just wouldnt feel comfortable the whole thing. Its not how i pictured it. Plus like you said He is more likly to be pressured into just saying yes.

 

Post # 74
Member
1223 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@VikingPrincess:  

I’m really confused as to who all these men and women you seem to be talking about. Most couples communicate about their goals and timelines. Hell, my Darling Husband wanted to get engaged/married years before I was ready- even though I loved him and we got married eventually.

Post # 75
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Honestly, I agree with you OP. It does depend on the situation but I see what you are getting at. I would direct it more towards any woman who has made it clear to her SO she wants to get married from the beginning but he just strings her along for years telling her he wants the same and everything she wants to hear. I really love my SO alot but I am 28 and have a life plan for myself, and I refuse to miss out on the opportunity to have children with the man I love because he waited til he was 40 to propose…and when people say “you dont need a man to have a baby” or “have a baby before you’re married since you know you want to be together forever anyway”- yes that’s true but some woman have diffrent morals and values and dont want to alter them which is completely understandable!

It’s not fair to any woman who wants marriage, period. It’s important to communicate with eachother about this subject in the beginning. I have been down this road, and I have been told maybe I need to look within myself to see what the problems were and that it was me that was making him want to not get married. After months of therapy and soul searching, I learned it wasnt me…it was my ex NEVER wanting to get married in the first place but giving me a false sense of hope because he didnt want to lose me. It’s not right to do that to someone.

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