(Closed) Maybe I’m too sensitive but…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i think because its your wedding and you are putting so much care and effort into every detail, you are bound to be more sensitive about everything. i know i am sometimes and people have not hesitated to tell me so!  i think you are correct in that it would have polite to have an explantion, but since they are out of state, she probably thinks no explanation was required.  i wouldn’t let this bother you for too long if possible.

Post # 4
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, I didn’t know you were suppsoed to write something on the RSVP until I started reading weddinbee. Maybe they will send a card or call you after all the wedding stuff has happened to congratulate you?

Post # 5
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you are being too sensitive. I would feel the same way! I haven’t sent out invitations yet but I would be hoping that the Nos call me up and say something personally. I’m so sad to predict who might not be able to come. I think it depends on the guest but definitely close friends or family you would want to hear from. 

Post # 6
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We didn’t have anyone call if they RSVPed no. Honestly, I was just glad that they sent the card back and I didn’t have to track them down like the 20 or so people who never RSVPed! 🙂

Post # 7
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree to some extent. If it’s a distant cousin or friend of the family that declines then I don’t think that an explanation is needed however, you mentioned it was a close family member. If your family is anything like mine (very small – 12 people) then I would expect an explanation if any of them couldn’t make it. 

Post # 8
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

To you, it’s The Most Important Day. To others, it’s another party. I think expecting an explanation is going to be a huge letdown. She lives out of state and has a small child – is an explanation really needed? I think it’s pretty obvious.

Post # 10
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, she doesn’t need to give an explanation.

Really, it is none of our business why she either can’t or chose not to come.

Post # 11
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@julies1949: Everyones family dynamic is different. The OP mentioned it was a close family member. If what I consider a “close family member” declines the invite, then I would like to know why. I have a small family which consists of my parents, 1 grandmother, 1 aunt and her family (husband and 3 kids), 1 great aunt and her husband and one second cousin and her husband (all of 12 people) and I consider them all “close family members”.

If any of these people couldn’t make it, they would never dream of declining without an explanation. Infact, I would know long before the invites even went out that they couldn’t make it. I don’t think it’s crazy to expect some sort of explanation from close family members. 

Post # 12
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I never really thought about this – until I started getting back “no” RSVPs in the mail! I always felt a little let down when I’d get a “no” without a little note or acknowledgment.  I’ve only had to decline one invite since our wedding, but I made sure to offer my best wishes on the card. 

I will say that towards the end of our RSVP deadline – I was actually happy to see ANY “no” replies, haha.

Post # 13
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@futuremrse: wow that IS odd! i would wan’t an explaination as well… just don’t let it get to you too bad =)

Post # 14
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t really feel the need to explain myself when I can’t make weddings/other events. I usually just send my regards and a gift.

Post # 15
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Out of 20 people who RSVPed “No”, six explained.  Out of those who haven’t RSVPed yet, I expect some to negative RSVPs with the (unexplained) reasons of “I didn’t feel like driving 30 miles” “I don’t want to go to a wedding after work on a Saturday” “I need to weed the garden, and Saturday is the only time I can” “No alcohol? Screw that!” “Can’t afford time off work, since I want leave to see my family/go to Cancun” “I have finals the week prior”  ANYTHING is a viable reason not to come.  And if they don’t feel like they can enjoy a wedding without drinking, or if they don’t want to drive 30 miles, or if they can’t afford airfare/hotel, they may not want to explain.  I’ve RSVPed no before because I couldn’t afford a wedding and another time because I simply didn’t want to spend my money flying out for a wedding.

Traveling with small children is a LOT of hassle, and some small children can’t tolerate a multi-day break in routine.  My MOH’s daughter is mildly allergic to basically everything – a few days off of her normal diet (all organic, all whole foods, no milk, no soy, no dyes, etc) sends her personality and overall health completely off kilter.  My best friend’s son is mildly autistic, and if he has too much gluten (as would be inevitable in multi-day travel) he turns sullen and irritable.  I have panic attacks/nervous breakdowns if I don’t have enough private time (I scared the crap out of my grandparents when we spent two weeks in an RV together.  I started bawling and trying to hide, and I didn’t know why.)

There could be a myriad of reasons she’s not coming.  She doesn’t have to justify any of them.  

Post # 16
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think it’s odd that she RSVPed “No” without calling to explain. It kind of defeats the purpose of the RSVP card, if you are expected to call as well. When I have RSVPed no, the bride or groom (depending on which one I knew) may call or text to find out what’s up, but I never initiated an explanation. I actually would be grateful that she actually sent the rsvp back and picked an option. Some people don’t bother to do either. 

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