Post # 1
This is something I feel I can’t talk to my Bridesmaids about yet! So, I’m asking for your opinion. My Bridesmaids are throwing me a shower. I gave them a list of people who I would like to invite. I kept it small. I don’t like a huge crowd and I know that my BM’s have a limited budget. My soon to be mother in law called my maid of honor and told her to add a name to the guest list. To give you a little background, she also added people to our small private ceremony guest list a few months ago and then threw a fit when we told her that we would like to keep it as small and intimate as possible. Anyway, she has now added a name to the shower guest list. It’s not even someone that I know! It’s a woman that she worked with years ago! A total stranger! I want to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor to take this person off of the guest list! Am I wrong to do that? isn’t the bridal shower for the bride? Or are we suppose to invite friends of your future MIL?
Post # 3
Is the person your Future Mother-In-Law added invited to the wedding?
If not then I’d say it’s an easy removal b/c it’s bad etiquette to not invite those invited to pre-wedding parties/gatherings to the wedding.
Otherwise, I’m not real sure…. for ours we were just going to invite all the women that were invited to the wedding…
Post # 4
Is your Future Mother-In-Law paying anything toward the wedding? Typically if they are helping pay, they have a say.
In my area, it is typical for mothers and even grandmothers to invite their friends to wedding showers, but those women are also invited to the wedding. Since you’re having a smaller wedding, maybe this won’t apply to you but we gave both parents the ability to invite their close friends, neighbors, etc., even though we don’t know them (and we are paying for our wedding 100% by ourselves).
Post # 5
She isn’t invited to the wedding! And my Future Mother-In-Law is not helping at all! I wish she was since she keeps adding to the list of things that we need to buy! lol! I never thought of it in the way that my Mom might want to invite her close friends to celebrate her daughter being married. So maybe Future Mother-In-Law is feeling like sharing the special occasion with her closest peeps too. I hate being wrong! Thanks Ladies!
Post # 6
If this person is not invited to the wedding-Don’t have her invited to the shower. Yeah, I’d tell them not to invite her/take her off the list! Good Luck with your FMIL!
Post # 7
I’d say use the line of ettiquette and lean on that…
It’s typically really bad taste to invite someone to the wedding shower who isn’t invited to the wedding. It seems like the simplest line to put down.
Post # 8
Dont invite her.Make it simple.
Post # 9
I would say dont invite her. If you dont know her I am going to assume she is not invited to the wedding, and then you wouldnt want her at the shower bc everyone invited to the shower needes to be invited to the wedding, and I can make the assumption by you wanting an intamate ceremony you dont want to add this total stranger. I kow your trying to keep the peace and I think thats great. But you should have the wedding that you have invisioned so dont invite her or anyone else that you dont want to for that matter.
Post # 9
Really…what difference does it make? Maybe she just wants to show you off, or she’s attended showers for her friend’s girls before and would like her to be there. Will she know anyone else there (your FMIL)? I’m sure her friend already knows she won’t be invited to the wedding, so I really see it as no big deal. It isn’t like she’s added 40 people you don’t know.
I had a few friends as did my daughter’s Future Mother-In-Law, and they even told us they wouldn’t be able to make the wedding but wanted to attend the shower. They came and everybody had a great time.
Post # 10
She has only added one stranger to the shower guest list so far. But the wedding….she added about 80! Half of which were total strangers to her own son! Most of the people were her co-workers. She isn’t paying for anything. We sent the invitations out and stuck with our original guest list of parents, very close friends, grandparents and siblings. That’s it! Total of 30 guests. I’m frustrated with her. After I posted this question I thought to myself “You know the answer to this! Don’t invite her and don’t second guess yourself.” Thanks for the encouragement!!
Post # 11
I gave to say this sort of thing makes my blood boil on your behalf! You see soooo many posts regarding family members interfering with the guest list, and various other aspects of the wedding. If it was me I would tell her to GTF (politely, if she’s a nice woman!). It’s YOUR wedding and YOUR shower. I don’t even agree that rellies who are contributing money to your wedding should get a say in what goes on. You’re an adult – you’re your own person and anyone who gifts you money towards your day should have the good grace to let you do things exactly your own way. Maybe she totally means well and isn’t intentionally being cheeky, but I think you should kindly but firmly nip this sort of thing in the bud, because your gonna be married to her son for a long time. Start as you mean to go on, and best of British to you!!