I was online dating for 10 years and met most of my ex’s online before meeting fiancé at 30. So let me weigh in…
In terms of the online initial search criteria, I think most of your criteria is fine except being in a relationship for 4+ years. I think this criteria is just making plain wrong assumptions and it’s the exact opposite to what you actually want.
Think about it, you’re 32, you want to meet someone who knows what they want in life and in relationships, has a clear relationship goal (ie marriage and family) isn’t going to waste years of your life not committing.
These people are not going to stay in relationships for 4+ years and not having committed or left earlier because it’s a waste of time to them too. They didn’t stay for all the wrong reasons such as getting comfortable with a live in girlfriend while making no commitment, or not knowing what they want so they go back and forth and drag things on, they were perfectly happy being single or got out when they realised the relationship wasn’t working out. They DIDNT WASTE ANOTHER WOMAN’s PRECIOUS YOUTH! That’s a big tick from me if anything.
Other than writing people off within the first few months of dating, you really only need 1-2 years to know if you’re compatible and maybe want to spend the rest of your lives together. If not, move on.
The length of the relationship doesn’t say anything about whether they’re good at conflict resolution.
It’s actually one of my red flags if a man had been in a very long relationship (5+ years) and didn’t end up marrying the girl or even worse they got engaged and didn’t follow through. That points to potential commitment issues to me as well as indecisiveness / not knowing what they want, and I’d observe even more carefully their views and thoughts on marriage and family.
Another thing that I tended to see very often with these men is they liked to make assumptions about me (and women in general) based on their experience with their long term ex, in short, they had baggage’s. It was as good as divorced, despite the lack of a piece of paper.
Personally, my longest relationship before fiancé was 2.5 years and frankly, that was too long. I knew in hindsight I should’ve left after 1 – 1.5 years, it was clear we weren’t compatible.
Fiance’s longest relationship was 1 year before me. He was frankly the most refreshing man I’ve ever met in my 10 years of dating / relationships. He didn’t have any baggage whatsoever, can’t tell you how rare that was. His goal was family and marriage but wasn’t rushing to settle for just any woman / any relationship, he was perfectly happy being single and self sufficient, as was I. We both dated each other because we wanted to not because we NEEDED to (eg needed to be in relationships / couldn’t be alone, age considerations, need to settle down with whoever it might be etc).