Sorry those questions are completely useless and won’t tell you anything that actually matters. I seriously don’t see how the answers to those questions help you. You seem fixated on a guy’s past experience rather than trying to get to know them as a person.
Heres the thing, you can’t ask direct questions hoping to get an answer that give you an accurate indication of their thought process, personality or character. Even worse that you ask them over text because tone and body language make up majority of the message they send.
I think your strategy to avoid meeting people “unnecessarily “ is doing you a disservice. Some people are not great at engaging over text but great in person, and vice versa. People can lie in text and you can’t tell unless you heard them say it and saw their body language as they say it.
You SHOULD meet as many as you can in person. It could be just over a coffee or lunch, something short, see your initial dynamic and if there’s any attraction. Then proceed accordingly.
All I used to do online before meeting is to make sure we have something in common, conversation was flowing and isn’t going to be completely boring and I find them somewhat attractive (it’s hard to tell from just photos sometimes, and attractiveness is often mostly in a person’s mannerism).
have you thought about specific behaviour indicators that someone possess the qualities you want? What about red flags that they’re not right for you? For instance:
– someone who treats waiters rudely clearly isn’t kind
– someone who verbally talk about how honest / kind / loyal they are most likely are not (as people who actually are those things just think what they do is normal and not worth talking about much less trying to “sell it” as such)
– someone who are overly apologetic over something small indicates lack of confidence.
– someone who subtly manipulates you or the situation in their favour or make decisions for you without having asked your opinion is an early indicator of lack of respect / even potentially abusive controlling personality (like changing the plan last minute to “stop by their place to pick something up before dinner” and actually was just hoping it would lead to sex; ordering an ice cream for you without having asked what flavour you wanted)
– someone who talk about people around them (including their ex) unkindly or are regularly whinging about something or someone on a first date is a no brainer. Next!
– someone who didn’t disclose in their profile OR in our messages before we met that they were actually divorced would indicate some level of dishonesty (though I never specifically ask, it’s a clear option in your profile and most people would disclose it upon messaging at least as it is a material fact that people care about). Maybe if I asked in text he would’ve told me. But that’s not good enough. An honest person with nothing to hide should be volunteering information such as this, again it’s about manipulation. Manipulating facts in their favour. Sorry no thanks.
these are actual examples of behaviour I’ve seen on first few dates and needless to say I didn’t continue to see them. Mind you they all sounded nice in text. They all held bachelor degrees (sometimes higher) and worked professional jobs. They were all single (not divorced, or so I thought with that last example) and within my age range. So really, you don’t know until you meet them in person. One date tells you way more than anything you can get out of via text.
And you see, you get a lot more information when you don’t ask questions and just let them be who they are. And observe.
Of course, more straight forward questions can be asked after a number of dates such as family goals, once you’ve established a baseline for this person and can tell their “normal” from their “on guard / lying” tone / body language.