Post # 91
These are so helpful. You know what I’m realizing? I really don’t know how to date :/ From 18-28 I was with the same guy, then a year of therapy/not even LOOKING at a guy. I went on 13 dates before finding my last ex, and now here I am back at it again. I remember when I was ready to start dating after my ex fiance thinking, I don’t even know HOW to date.
The questions all of you are suggesting are immensely helpful, thank you.
Post # 92
- Wedding: August 2018 - Four Seasons Hotel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills
Oh, my husband dropped out of college as well because his family couldn’t afford to pay for him to finish, so he just started working instead (a degree was definitely one of the things on my list) and he’s now an exec at a large commercial real estate Fortune 500. Granted he got very lucky with past work experience and connections to get his foot in the door at this particular company but it shows that a degree is not everything, and with the right determination you can be just as successful without one.
Post # 93
You mentioned you participate in female-only Meetup groups – have you thought about joining a co-ed one? It could be anything: a hiking group, cycling, dog owners, film buffs, etc. I met my fiance through our hiking group which is through Meetup, and other people have met their spouses through that group as well. It’s a nice low pressure way to meet guys.
Agreed with what everyone else said – also, why not expand to guys up to 40, or 42? I think I went up to 40 when I was 29, and I remember thinking 40 seemed old, but I wanted more options. Now, I’m about to be 35 and guys in their late 40’s are attractive to me, so I feel like 10-12 years isn’t that much of a difference once you’re in your mid 30’s. I even know guys in their early 50’s who seem 10 years younger, but then they might not be in the same place with regards to having kids, etc. if that’s something you want.
Post # 94
I went to a couple of co-ed meetups a long time ago, for board games. Not to be mean but they were pretty geeky and not my type. Kind of awkward hitting on me and it completely turned me off. The hiking one sounds better, I know there’s different hiking groups here so I’ll see about joining one if it’s not too difficult haha.
I went on a date with a 40 year old yesterday (and a 34 year old – yes two dates in one day haha). I’m not trying to offend anyone but 40 still seems old to me, probably because I barely feel like I’m 30. I know age is just a number and all that…I guess 8 years isn’t a massive difference but all depends on personality, common interests etc I suppose. I decided I’d see him again next week so I’m trying!! haha 🙂
Post # 95
pinkglitter2017 : Listen, I totally get it. Dating is tough. Meeting someone who you are compatible with is tough. And it makes it even harder because we have this idea set in our heads of what direction our life is supposed to go in and how it’s supposed to look. Graduate, find a job, marriage, buy a house, get a dog, have kids, etc…
Therapy really helped me to sort through what I really wanted out of life and what society was telling me that I should want. And things worked out really well for me.
Oh and believe me, there are MANY men out there who wouldn’t give me the time of day when they found out I was divorced. I ended up adding it to my profile to help out everyone involved. So it’s not completely crazy for you to feel that way. And I see posts here all of the time where posters are insecure about exwives still being in the picture. If you know it’s not for you, then you should own that.
Post # 96
Hey Bee- so I didn’t read through the 7 pages so I’m sure most of this will be repeats. But here are my thoughts.
– Be less selective for first dates and VERY selective on 2nd dates. Go on first dates to places that are low commitment in terms of time and energy- think drinks or coffee- and if it is really terrible it’s only 30 min of your life. Honestly, I don’t think I would have “swipped right” on any of my exes if I had seen them on Tinder. And they are all decent people- just not my “one”.
– By the early or mid 30s you are into the first wave of divorcees. Often these are the divorces of guys who married their university sweethearts and made a big commitment when they were young that, after a decade and a lot of growth is no longer a great fit. Sure some of these guys are assholes, but lots aren’t and are looking to remarry with a much better idea of what they want. Your wedding will be special because of who you marry- not because it’s the first person you made a gift registry with.
– I get the university thing, but I’ve met a bunch of ignorant, overgrown, elderly frat boys with MBAs, and some really well read electricians who backpacked all over Europe in their 20s (and I’m in Canada).
– Try and have fun. I’m not sure where you are in Canada- but where I am 32 is YOUNG. Explore- make yourself into the most interesting, beautiful, and happy individual you can be. Then it will all be about fitting a guy into your life rather than filling a void.
But like, I’m single AF right now and 28 so this might all be bullshit. I am having a great time though 🙂
Post # 97
Love all the comments still coming in here!
@dsaasd – I’m in Montreal, and thanks for saying 32 is young haha.
It’s true, we have all these damn timelines that are drilled into our heads. After my 10 year relationship part of the therapy focused on these timelines. It also didn’t help that when I turned 30 my mom said to me: “When I was 30 I was married, had your sister….” Thanks mom.
I agree about loosening up a bit for first dates – you’re totally right. I had a very nice dinner date on Sunday with someone (that went on like almost 3 hours) but I knew within a short time I didn’t want to see him again. So maybe I’ll stick with coffee/drink dates first from now on lol. (And fun side note: When I very politely told him the next day he was a nice guy but I didn’t want to see him again he got SUPER angry and defensive…yikes…)
Whoever said dating was FUN was on something lol. Trying to keep a positive attitude about it.