(Closed) Maybe moving in with his parents — Good or bad decision?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If you have a great relationship with them, it might work. But I would definitley have the four of you sit down and hash everything out. What their expectations are, what your expectations are. How long you plan to live there. Any chores they expect of you. Whether or not you will have pets. Privacy issues. And what happens if something doesn’t go according to plan (new jobs, they decide to buy an RV and sell their home, you get pregnant, someone gets seriously ill, etc.). And I wouldn’t end the conversation until you have talked about everything. And then, I would get it all in writing. Not to say things will go bad between all of you or that you don’t trust them and they don’t trust you. Just because when things are in writing, people tend to adhere to them more. I think if you all put an effort in to the process and expectations are clearly spelled out from the beginning, it could be a good thing.

I’m sure a lot of people won’t agree with me but it sounds like you all have a sound relationship and it could work. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, what an interesting proposition! It’s so sweet that they offered to let you stay with them and how great that you’ll have a (mostly) private space for yourselves. I agree that you need to talk over things like expenses, time limits, boundaries… but I’m sure you’ve thought about that already. If you’re comfortable and they’re comfortable, I don’t see why you wouldn’t do it, as long as you made it clear to everyone that it’s just temporary.

Post # 5
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow…That’s a lot to take in!

I have never lived with in-laws or my parents (with him).  My initial reaction is that if you have your own apartment/space it seems logical (financially and logistically) and would work out well.  I would try to set some boundaries early on (between you and FI) about how much time you will spend at the main house, etc. and perhaps he would be willing to communicate those to your in-laws.  If it were me, I would go for it!

Post # 6
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We currently live in FI’s parents basement, so we can save up for the wedding and our hopefully-sooner-rather-than-later house purchase. We do *not* have a self-contained apartment and share the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room, and that is our biggest issue (due to the lack of privacy). But it has also been nice developing a stronger relationship with the in-laws.

One of the other biggest draw backs – if family is visiting the in-laws for the weekend, they’re pretty much visiting us too, and we can’t just "go home" when we’re familied-out. KWIM?!

But if you already get along, and will have your own contained apartment there’s no reason it shouldn’t work out! As long as you set your boundaries, ie. don’t just leave the connecting door always "open", you should be fine! If you’re planning to only be there a short time until you find your place, go for it!  

Post # 7
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think it sounds great to move into the in-law suite in his parents’ house. You will set your own rhythm once you do get there as far as what’s acceptable for visiting, eating together, dropping by unexpectedly. Just live out your expectations and his parents will get the idea. Or discuss it formally if you think they’d be open to that.

Don’t get in bad habits. Like, don’t eat dinner with them every night (even if they invite you) if you don’t want to. If they come over uninvited, tell them you’re busy and to stop by another time. Or, preempt uninvited visits by asking them over for a preordained time and event. I think this situation could work out great with some good boundary management skills. And if you hate it, it wouldn’t be too hard to move, would it?

Post # 10
Member
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I did this, actually. Fiance bought a house before we were engaged, but we were dating. He moved in with his mom and mom’s partner, and when my lease was up, so did I for a few months prior to buying the house. At first- no problem. But if we had left later than we did… their relationship might not have been repairable. I think a short time is good, you will have fights but you can FIX the hurts. (Well if you Future Mother-In-Law is anything like MINE- in your business all the timmmmme… then you’ll have fights) I think anything more than a few months will be miserable for everyone.

 

Then again, I don’t know your in-laws, so it could be fine! I would really just say go with your gut.

Post # 12
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that IF it is for a short period of time then it is okay. But make sure it IS a short period of time. Knowing someone and seeing them for a couple hours is one thing. LIVING with someone is a completely different story.Have you guys ever "lived" together before even if it’s like a vacation home for a week?

The other thing is -you don’t have to tell us- you should settle up the money issue. Will you be paying rent? Or at least paying for the utilities you will be using like electricity, gas, water, etc? That is utilities you will be using so I think if thye are not asking for rent you should at least offer to pay for that. Because someone’s got to pay for it.

Whenever the FI’s brother comes home to visit he stays with his folks. We have gone on vacations together before where it’s a vacation home so pretty much like we all live together. I LOVE his parents a lot and love his brothers like my own siblings (well almost) but I would never want to live with them. On my side there was a brief year when I was home that both my brothers & SILs, me and my mom and the new grandkids all lived in one house, even though it was a 2 famly home. There were definite strains. It’s all well and good to get things "laid out". Who’s doing chores, etc and all that. But when it comes to the day to day it’s different than laying it out on an excel spreadsheet. Now both brothers live seperately and the relationship is I think for the better. But there is definite strain between my mom who still lives with my older brother and his family.

So, my recommendation is do it for a SHORT while and don’t get comfortable in the you can live at nana’s apartment and save money. Just my opinion based on my experiences and countless other "living" with family and inlaw stories I have heard.

Post # 14
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Since you have your own space, I could totally see it working out. It would certainly help y’all along as a couple, in terms of money, etc. so I think it would be worth trying at least.

Good Luck! 

Post # 15
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

With my future in-laws, I think this arrangement would be stellar…  but they are phenomenal about boundaries.  And I think boundaries are the crux of making this kind of relationship work.  If you feel any dread in the pit of your gut, then listen to that feeling… but it sounds like kind of a win-win situation for all involved if you can handle it!

Post # 16
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have been living with my fiance and his parents for almost a year now. When I moved in we werent even engaged yet. We met at college and he graduated in the spring of 08. I am not done with school yet but he got a job close to his home, about 2 hours away from where we went to school. I transferred to a branch of our same school about 20 minutes from his parents house so we are just living with them and saving all of my FI’s money! I kind of get sick of the lack of privacy sometimes but in the end, it is definitely worth putting up with it- we are saving  A LOT of money.

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