(Closed) Maybe this is bitchy…but kind of disappointed!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Hostess
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@krstino1012:  Thanks for clarifying the situation. In law issues can be extremely hard to deal with. We choose our spouses, but we don’t get to choose their families.

I’d say as long as you’re cordial with her; put in your efforts and if they’re not being reciprocated or she’s rude to you; move on. Just put in enough efforts to get along during social family functions. We’re not required to be BFFs with our in laws. If that happens, its great! But if it doesn’t, no love is lost. I know a lot of wives that put up with in laws because they do it for their husbands’ sake!

Post # 18
Member
4856 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, IMO, you never know someone’s circumstances. I don’t think it’s fair to draw a line between what and when she bought you something and a percieved intention of not caring. 

Post # 19
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

people can be selfish 🙁 it sucks but it’s true, and it’s so hard to expect them not to be, especially when it’s someone you go out of your way to be selfless for

Post # 20
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I understand how you are hurt based off of the time, thought and effort you put into the baby shower gift but like pps mentioned, at least she went off your registry. If you are worried about being integrated into the family she’s given you a gift that you can use when you invite her family over for dinner! Wink

Also don’t forget that the wedding is coming up. Perhaps she and her husband have, or are planning a great wedding gift for you? (Don’t expect this of course, but keep it in mind.) Yes, your bridal shower is personal and all about you but the wedding is when you will “officially” join their family and often times the wedding gifts act as a way of welcoming you into their homes and hearts. 

Post # 21
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

no you’re not being unresonable, unless she got you a really thoughtful card? 

Post # 22
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@krstino1012:  I think you’re making an issue out of something that’s not an issue. If you are the dramatic type and like to feel hurt or offended, that’s your prerogative, although it doesn’t bode well for harmonious relationships with the in-laws. If you’re not like that, please take a step back and re-think this. She bought you something from your registry, so obviously it’s something you hoped people would buy. I’m baffled by the “so impersonal” comment. Registrys are by their very nature a bit impersonal, but it makes things easier on your guests and ensures that you’ll get things you really want or need. If you’d rather everyone selects a carefully chosen something-or-other that you might not want or need, don’t set up a registry. And what is wrong with buying it the night before? I usually buy shower gifts on my way to the shower unless it’s something super-heavy that’s better delivered straight to their home. I sure hope nobody has been scrutinizing their gift reciepts and being upset about it! … Why were you looking at the receipt, unless you were planning to return the item? I’m really confused about why it’s upsetting that she bought it the night before. Also, it was VERY sweet for you to make a diaper baby and go above and beyond for her shower, but it’s not reasonable to expect everyone to reciprocate that. Some people just aren’t like that, plus add in a newborn…. You mention that you tried to put as much into her gift as you would have for your own sister — maybe she did too! Maybe that’s exactly what she would have bought/done for her own sister. There really honestly is no reason to be upset about this. If this is the worst issue you have with your in-laws, thank your lucky stars!!

Post # 23
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@krstino1012:  Well, in light of this post, I guess it’s fair that you thought she purposely slighted you as there’s likely some truth to it. However, I would just chalk this up as a learning experience and probably wouldn’t try as hard next time so you aren’t disappointed again when she doesn’t reciprocate in kind. I would just be cordial with her and call it a day. In the end, the only people that matter are you and your Fiance, and your offspring, if you have any.

Post # 24
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I get it.  The gifting situation with my sil is fairly laughable as well. Christmas they pretty much demanded that us and her parents to halfers on a dslr camera (and dh agreed so he’s just as much to “blame”) and then got him a used copy of the hunger games and gave me Avon samples (she’s a rep).  Sometimes you just have to sigh and move on. 

Post # 25
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Eh… She just had a baby, and she bought you something off your registry so I’m not sure what there is to complain about.

Post # 26
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sounds like you just don’t like her in general, so you now don’t like a perfectly nice gift. 

Post # 27
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be disappointed too if I were in your shoes, OP.  Sounds like you really put in a lot of extra effort for her shower gift, and she just got you something pretty inpersonal for your shower gift.

 

It’s okay to have feelings about stuff, people.  I think the OP was just trying to vent out some minor frustrations here.  She doesn’t strike me as the vindictive venty poster type.  (You all know that type…the type who is unreasonable and unwilling to see things from other perspectives.)  I think she is simply a bit disappointd….and really, wouldn’t you gals be if this happened to you?  

Post # 28
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I feel like when we go out of our way to be nice to somebody or do something really nice for them, it hurts even more when they don’t come close to returning the favor when its their time to do so. Maybe we build up our expectations of what they “should” do for us because we were so great to them and it sometimes ends up being just a huge let down. I’m currently experiencing this with my Maid/Matron of Honor after I was a kick ass Maid/Matron of Honor for her. I guess the moral of the story is “gifts are just gifts” and expectations can lead to let downs. We just have to get over it.

 

@krstino1012:  

Post # 29
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Running out to the store the night before with a new born is about on par with building you a crib from scratch without a new born.  Smile

Kids are hard.  Shopping with kids is hard.  Shopping for something on a registry with a crying baby is damn near impossible.  I’d give her a break as this is probably the best she could do given the circumstances.

Post # 30
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

OP…I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’m sure your shower wasn’t thrown together at the last minute, so she had plenty of time pre-baby to shop for you and at least put forth some effort. Even so…she just had a baby, not a terminal illness, so even that isn’t much of an excuse. She’s more than likely just a thoughtless person, and unfortunately, now you know.

 

Post # 31
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@MrsWBS:  This.  And when you consistently go out of your way for others who don’t do the same for you, then you learn fast to let things be and not do any more than you have to.

OP, it’s totally understandable how you’re feeling, it’s natural to be upset and let down when you’ve put in so much effort and don’t get the same in return.  But you’re letting these other in-law issues with her influence what you think of her gift.  It’s too hard living life tit for that.  Hope you can get over this!

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