Maybe You're Not Cute Enough?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

I don’t know anyone who’s picked bridesmaids because of their looks, maybe I’m super sheltered though?

i have 3 friends doing it for me who are all weird wondeful people and can’t wait 

Post # 32
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

It used to be custom to dress bridesmaids in hideous dresses to make the bride look better. So yeah, I wouldn’t put it past some brides to do really suspicious things to make themselves/their weddings look better.

Post # 33
Member
738 posts
Busy bee

I would hope I don’t know anyone that would pick bridesmaids or not pick bridesmaids for such shallow reasons!

I had two family members and my BFF.

My BFF didn’t have me as a bridesmaid or a reader. I was just a guest. Was I cross? No. Her wedding. Not being in it made no difference to the 24 years of great friendship. She had her sisters as bridesmaids and some more recent friends as readers, her mother was her witness. She chose people who were important to her but that didn’t mean I wasn’t also important to her. Her sisters were underage so I arranged her hen party with one of the readers. I supported her wedding by attending her wedding. That was my role.

My family member didn’t have me either. She chose friends. Was I cross? No. Her wedding. Etc.

I didn’t ask why I wasn’t chosen. Not my business. 

Had either of them said that I wasn’t chosen because I wasn’t tall enough or thin enough or had the wrong colour hair or anything frivolous, I would have told them they were being ridiculous. But I wouldn’t have ended my relationships with them

Post # 34
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I listen to a radio morning show in the twin cities and they sometimes do a bit called “how bad will they take it?” When a person calls someone over the radio to give them bad news, and the radio hosts help them talk through it. There was once a bride who called and complained that her bridesmaid was too fat and kept saying she would lose the weight before the wedding and never did, so she called her over the radio to kick her out of the wedding because she didn’t want a fat bridesmaid. I couldn’t believe it! What a horrible thing to do to a friend and then to humiliate her over the radio, I don’t understand how a person could think that was an appropriate thing to do. 

Post # 35
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Giblets :  yeah I hate the whole division between bridal party and “mere” guests. Some people take it very hard if they are not included in the wedding party. I had a maid of honor, that’s it, but I feel all my guests were important.

Post # 36
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

That’s horrible, but I think you are right. I kind of had a similar situation with my own wedding party. I have 4 bridesmaids and they’re all different shapes and sizes. What really irked me is one of my bridesmaids has struggled with an eating disorder, so she is very thin. Some people actually had the nerve to ask me if it didn’t bother me because “she might throw off the look of your pictures.” Are you effing serious?? NO it doesn’t bother me, first of all I would rather have people that are good to me than people who look good stand with me. Secondly, I’m the same person that gave a colour swatch to my bridesmaids and said “other than that, wear whatever makeup/shoes/ accessories/ hair you want”. 

Post # 37
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

this is totally true. i had a friend who wanted all bridesmaids to look slim, fair skin and blond/light brown hair for the photos. so they all looked the same. another time a bridesmaid got replaced by the bride, for me, theday before the wedding, because i seemed nicer and was better looking.

is it common? yes

does it matter to everyone? no.

is it OK for people to care about this? i think so. just as some want the perfect dress and perfect venue, the bridesmaids to them are another accessory. you should not be bothered about it. doesnt mean they dont like you. just means they wanted a particular look for the attendants. but they probably do still love you and want you to be there

for us, i guess i dont care. the people who i love, i want to be there as my attendants. i dont care how they look, as long as they dress nicely.

Post # 38
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

j_jaye :   Ummmm….. I mean this with all due respect but I hope this shallow woman is divorced now or at least unhappy in her marriage. Most importantly, I hope she is out of your life because this is one of the most repulsive things I have ever heard. 

 

edit: saw your response: GOOD. haha

Post # 39
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

victoriad :  Caring about the skill/style of the photographer is not the same thing as caring about what the people in some of the photos look like. Implying the two are related is just silly.

Post # 40
Hostess
3812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

palebluepetals :  I have seen that happen… a friend of a friend only hangs out with people who she considers thin and attractive because then “everyone will look good in pictures.”  Not even just her wedding, in everyday life.  Hence why she’s a friend of a friend!  My sister has funky hair and was co-MOH with my BFF.  I did have a drunk friend ask me at the wedding how I could “let her have her hair like that.”  Like I’d exclude my sister for funky hair??  It’s her personality, she’d look odd to me with her natural color now 😛

I did have a couple of friend come to me about not being BMs and feeling really hurt.  Truthfully, I am very close to them, but they’re part of a friend group that is VERY dramatic and I wanted to only include my more low-key close friends.  Our friendship survived, so I’m glad they didn’t come on the bee to rant about how not close we must be!

Post # 41
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I once read a thread on a message board (not on Weddingbee) about a bride who didn’t want to ask her Future Sister-In-Law to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man solely because the poor girl had lost her leg in an accident and wore an “ugly” prosthetic…and the bride wanted her girls in short dresses! 

I wish I was making that up!

Post # 42
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My bridesmaids and I are a bag of mixed nuts and I haven’t given the least bit of thought on how we will look in the photos together. My Maid/Matron of Honor was a bridesmaid at one of my other bridesmaid’s wedding, and the bride’s mom asked her to dye her pastel shaded hair to something more natural. The bride’s parents are divorced and were butting heads over who was having more suggestive input in the wedding planning so she didn’t stop her mom, at least my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t care.

I think when the bridesmaid is being courteous on her own accord, that’s a different story. Maid/Matron of Honor has a huge tattoo on her shoulder and she asked if I wanted it covered up. FI’s mom haaaaaaates tattoos (even mine, which are completely hidden unless I’m in a skimpy bikini) but it’s OUR wedding so she’ll just have to deal with it. 

Post # 43
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee

snowflake8 :  Actually, I was picked as a bridesmaid for my closest friend and with an outdoor summer wedding I was assuming short dresses. I’d been badly burned (hit by lightning) a few months prior to dress shopping and had to wear an ugly cover on my burns. I was so nervous about my leg covers ‘ruining’ her pictures- it was SUCH a relief when I saw that the dresses were long. 

I even said ‘oh thank heaven, I didn’t want my leg cover to ruin your photos!’ Her response was ‘you ruining them would have been you dying from the lightning and not being in them!’ 

Post # 44
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

My BMs were all gorgeous! Not cause I’m shallow but I’m actually the fat friend 🙂

If people base their decisions on looks they’re in for an unhappy life, cause looks fade but personality goes on forever, even after people have passed on!!

Post # 45
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

When my Future Sister-In-Law was married, she told her bridesmaids that they were not allowed to get pregnant because she didn’t want fat people in her wedding party who would ruin the wedding pictures. (Kind of funny now because she is one of my bridesmaids and will be 20ish weeks pregnant by the time my wedding comes around…)

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