Post # 1
IM soo tired with how things are going in my life. Its so depressing. I just would love to elope with my Fiance if I could. my mom is So traditional! She wants to always feel that Imjust like every other girl.. but Im not, my circumstances are just SO different.
ever since me and my Fiance got engaged weve been discussing our biggest concern.. WHERE is the weedding gonna be?! Im ALL the way in a diff country now, and hes in NY. he has over 300+ family members, and I have about 30– Plus ofcourse my friends and what not. he said it would be wiser to do it in the states and I support that idea, but my parents think its stupid cuz were a 7+ family, that would cost tickets, and other expenses, so its like so much money just to fly out there- thast minus wedding expenses, and other living expenses till wedding day. my Fiance then said to forget having a wedding all together becuase its not so fair for his fam, and for us to throw a small party at my place or a restaurant for my family and friends– and we can do the same when we gt to NY- throw a small party for fam and friends there. I thought it was a great idea but my mom will FLIP. she will throw the biggest fit ever – and how I never make her happy and she will despise and look down on me. What saddens me more, is that where we live now,we barely know people, were not even tht close to our family members ( like cuzins and stuff) we have a bond but watever. and my friends and I dont really talk to much now cuz theyve started families and movedf on with thier lives, so we talk everyonce in a while. Its just we dont really have many people here. and I dont no what to do!
if it was up to me, I don want a wedding!!!!! but I just want to make my MOM happpyy.. so she wont look down on me and think that Im adding to her miserable life.
what would you guys do?
Post # 3
this is about you and your fiance only, NOT your mom.
do what you want! what is she going to do, cut you out of the family? she’ll get over it eventually.
honestly, I loved my wedding, but the whole time I wish I had just announced our elopement and had just a party later on. planning a wedding was SO hard and SO expensive– and my situation was way easier than yours!
Post # 4
I know im so annoyeddd! And hes really working so hrd to try to make enough money.. For him to fly out his family here, would cost a big amount, and for him to have a weddin in NY would cost about 10 grand on its own. thats a Wedding THERE- not here ..so so MUCH finances for a stupid party that we both dont care on havinggg…
Post # 5
It breaks my heart to hear you talk of your mother looking down on you. No mother should make her daughter feel that way, and I’m sorry that you’re in this position. Just something to think about – perhaps she would show you more respect if you simply did what you as an adult think is best for you. SHe won’t like it, and the respect will be slow coming, no doubt, but if she doesn’t show you respect already and you’re trying to please her, I just don’t see how any good could come of that.
The other bees are perfectly right – this is between you and Fiance, you’re going to be a wife. You are a grown woman now
(I know that’s easier to say, I do know, but I think it helps to hear it from others)
Post # 6
Continue to be so strong, talk to your Fiance and do what’s best for the both of you. Don’t put yourself in debt or anything over this, though! When it comes down to it, no matter how silly and selfish it sounds, this is your marriage and your wedding. My sympathies and good luck wishes go out to you. 🙂
Post # 7
It’s not your responsibility to make your mother happy. Sounds like she’s one of those people who’s determined to be miserable no matter what you do.
Getting married is a deeply personal milestone in your life and you need to celebrate it how you want. If she makes a fuss, explain to her that for this one day in your life it’s going to be about you and your Fiance, not her, and if she can’t just be happy for you then she needs to be quiet.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
You know, this is your wedding, and you’re the one who has to live with the memories. Do what makes you and your Fiance happy. In the long run, I don’t think your mom will care as much, but you will.
I wanted to run off and elope, but I ultimately decided to have a wedding because so many people wanted me to. In a lot of ways, I’m happy with my decision, but then there are some people who were pushing so hard for the wedding who just don’t seem to really care about it at all now. Some days, I wonder why I’m doing this at all.
If you do have a wedding, do it because it’s right for you and your Fiance. Even if that means doing the small informal party. That’s what I keep reminding myself. Our wedding is still very non-traditional and very much what we envisioned, so when I start thinking about why I did this in the first place, I remind myself that I’m doing something that still makes me happy and embodies the type of wedding celebration that I wanted.
Post # 9
If your mom has already made you feel this way, I can tell you one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt:
Having a wedding won’t appease her. Someone like that CANNOT WILL NOT be appeased. She will find other things to make you feel bad about. I don’t know why some people are like that, but they are. Trying to please her will only make you frustrated and angry, and it won’t win you the approval you seek.
Post # 10
I would just do what makes you and your fiance’ happy. Why? Because something tells me that if it isn’t one thing, it will be another. What I mean is, if you don’t get the dresses she wants, she will make you feel guilty about that. If you pick a venue that she doesn’t approve of, she will be unhappy. Thus making you unhappy. If you don’t pick the menu she likes, or the wedding party she deems appropriate, she will call you an ungrateful daughter…and so on. She sounds like she will just put you on a constant guilt trip. Nip that in the bud. Either stand up for yourself now, or spend the rest of your life (not just wedding, life) appeasing her. Kids, family visits, etc…it will never stop!
Post # 12
Even if you decide to have a wedding to make your mom happy…she will never be happy because she will fight you on every part of the wedding. Want a short dress? “How could you do this to me?”, want to have a pink dress? “What will people think?”. You really have to put on your big girl britches and stand up for what you believe in and what you want.
Good luck and I know whatever you decide will be the right decision for YOU!
Post # 13
@al1988: Do whats best for you and your Fiance…..Not everyone else