(Closed) me and FI dont want a wedding, but my mom is in the way. Dont know what to do!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

this is about you and your fiance only, NOT your mom.  

do what you want! what is she going to do, cut you out of the family? she’ll get over it eventually. 

honestly, I loved my wedding, but the whole time I wish I had just announced our elopement and had just a party later on. planning a wedding was SO hard and SO  expensive– and my situation was way easier than yours!

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

It breaks my heart to hear you talk of your mother looking down on you. No mother should make her daughter feel that way, and I’m sorry that you’re in this position. Just something to think about – perhaps she would show you more respect if you simply did what you as an adult think is best for you. SHe won’t like it, and the respect will be slow coming, no doubt, but if she doesn’t show you respect already and you’re trying to please her, I just don’t see how any good could come of that.

The other bees are perfectly right – this is between you and Fiance, you’re going to be a wife. You are a grown woman now

(I know that’s easier to say, I do know, but I think it helps to hear it from others)

Post # 6
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Continue to be so strong, talk to your Fiance and do what’s best for the both of you. Don’t put yourself in debt or anything over this, though! When it comes down to it, no matter how silly and selfish it sounds, this is your marriage and your wedding. My sympathies and good luck wishes go out to you. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It’s not your responsibility to make your mother happy. Sounds like she’s one of those people who’s determined to be miserable no matter what you do.

Getting married is a deeply personal milestone in your life and you need to celebrate it how you want. If she makes a fuss, explain to her that for this one day in your life it’s going to be about you and your Fiance, not her, and if she can’t just be happy for you then she needs to be quiet.

Post # 8
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

You know, this is your wedding, and you’re the one who has to live with the memories. Do what makes you and your Fiance happy. In the long run, I don’t think your mom will care as much, but you will.

I wanted to run off and elope, but I ultimately decided to have a wedding because so many people wanted me to. In a lot of ways, I’m happy with my decision, but then there are some people who were pushing so hard for the wedding who just don’t seem to really care about it at all now. Some days, I wonder why I’m doing this at all.

If you do have a wedding, do it because it’s right for you and your Fiance. Even if that means doing the small informal party. That’s what I keep reminding myself. Our wedding is still very non-traditional and very much what we envisioned, so when I start thinking about why I did this in the first place, I remind myself that I’m doing something that still makes me happy and embodies the type of wedding celebration that I wanted. 

Post # 9
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If your mom has already made you feel this way, I can tell you one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt:

Having a wedding won’t appease her. Someone like that CANNOT WILL NOT be appeased. She will find other things to make you feel bad about. I don’t know why some people are like that, but they are.  Trying to please her will only make you frustrated and angry, and it won’t win you the approval you seek.

 

Post # 10
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just do what makes you and your fiance’ happy. Why? Because something tells me that if it isn’t one thing, it will be another. What I mean is, if you don’t get the dresses she wants, she will make you feel guilty about that. If you pick a venue that she doesn’t approve of, she will be unhappy. Thus making you unhappy. If you don’t pick the menu she likes, or the wedding party she deems appropriate, she will call you an ungrateful daughter…and so on. She sounds like she will just put you on a constant guilt trip. Nip that in the bud. Either stand up for yourself now, or spend the rest of your life (not just wedding, life) appeasing her. Kids, family visits, etc…it will never stop!

Post # 12
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Even if you decide to have a wedding to make your mom happy…she will never be happy because she will fight you on every part of the wedding.  Want a short dress? “How could you do this to me?”, want to have a pink dress?  “What will people think?”.  You really have to put on your big girl britches and stand up for what you believe in and what you want.

Good luck and I know whatever you decide will be the right decision for YOU!

Post # 13
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@al1988: Do whats best for you and your Fiance…..Not everyone else

 

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