Me and my boyfriend

posted 2 weeks ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
3759 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

marsh2001 :  I mean you do you, but what’s the point of getting engaged now if you plan to wait that long? At what point is it any different than dating? I don’t usually advocate for promise rings…but since you’re still so young, maybe consider that route? You at least won’t have everyone constantly asking about wedding plans when you’re nowhere close to getting married.

Post # 18
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

When I was 18 I thought I was in love, little did I know I had zero clue what love was at that age.

Please wait 

Post # 19
Member
6674 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

marsh2001 :  My apologies. As an ELL, your English is very good. Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing this without you telling us, and it saddens me that many native speakers are as bad or worse with grammar than those learning the language.

But this actually opens up a whole new avenue of discussion. Are you a recent immigrant? Are you living in the US? Is your boyfriend from your native country? What are the social mores surrounding marriage in your culture? Is early marriage common, or will you be facing disapproval from your family or his, or both? Is there a religious component to wanting to move to the next stage so quickly? 

Culture and family pressure can add a very different layer to this. Either way, if you are considering being engaged for six or seven years, I would suggest you wait. If you wait, then people will actually be excited about your upcoming marriage instead of losing all interest and wondering whether things went south after they hear nothing else about it for two, then three, then four, then five years and so on. After that long, the reaction when you finally get around to having a wedding will be, “Finally – we never thought the wedding would actually happen!”

Post # 20
Member
6530 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

marsh2001 :  So, basically, you’re saying that you are agreeing to tie yourself down to an in between stage of commitment (not married, not free to date, just “going steady” extra hard) during the years of the most growth and change of your young adulthood?

Do your thing, but I hope that if either of you realizes that you are growing apart and marriage isn’t really what you want anymore, you will be able to honestly say that.

Post # 22
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

marsh2001 :  I would advise against a long engagement. It’s better to just stay boyfriend/girlfriend and then make the engagement commitment when you are actually ready to get married. That way when you’re ready to get married the proposal will be exciting and mean something. If you need some kind of confirmation of commitment right in this moment shop for some matching promise rings or something.

Post # 23
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

What’s the benefit to you of getting married now?

Because I see a lot of negatives here with a teen marriage. 

You reduce your chances of a successful marriage. 

You reduce your chances of completing an education.

This reduces your lifetime earning potential, even if you do divorce down the line. Which means when you do split, you’ll be on the struggle bus hard for a long time most likely.

You reduce your chances of growing to your fullest potential by being able to focus on yourself, your goals and dreams, by tieing yourself to the wellbeing of another person before you have a chance to focus on your own.

Which also means you won’t meet your full potential as a partner to the person you love.

Don’t cut yourself off at the knees when you’ve still got so much room to grow.

 

Post # 24
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

You say yourself it’s a big mistake so why do it?

Post # 25
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

I think the smart thing to do is wait at least a few years. Getting engaged means being ready to actually set a date and get married, if you’re not it just doesn’t mean anything. 
My boyfriend and I have dated for almost 8 years, we’re 23 now and already bought a ring. We are still young, looking back taking this step at 19 would have just been a joke. I assure you waiting will make it so much more special and meaningful. 

Also something to consider is your financial situation, are you both ready to be living alone without the financial help of your families? If you are, why not try living together before engagement? 

Post # 26
Member
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

As someone married to the boyfriend I had at 18 I still think this is a terrible idea.  Way too young, there is a lot at risk if you get engaged now but you lose nothing by waiting another few years. 

Post # 27
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I was in a “serious” relationship at that age and my ex proposed to get married, not even get engaged. 😀 ahaha.

I’m not gonna write a lot, just don’t do it. Take marriage out of your mind and live life to its fullest. 

 

Post # 28
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

From someone who has a long engagement of two and a half years, I couldn’t imagine being engaged longer than that. The only reason I did is my fiance had to take about six months to move up to my town before we could start planning. And during the early time of my engagement, when I told them when it is, people would be all like “But that is so far away!” and stuff like that. 

I do wish that there was a step in between boyfriend/girlfriend and engagement, but there is not, but I am with the others and say just get a promise ring or something.

Post # 29
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

What’s the point in getting engaged and waiti 6 or 7 years? As another bee said, you won’t. You’ll want to get married sooner. So many people out there began dating at a young age, but don’t get married. Sure, my husband to be is my first and only boyfriend- does that mean I should have married him a year after we met at 19? No way. People are not the same at 19 as 25 or 35, etc. You honestly may spoil something that could last a lifetime by not giving your relationship the time to develop fully. You need to grow together and separately during these crucial years and there’s absolutely not need to be engaged or married. You may feel like you do, but you don’t know everything about each other (I don’t believe anyone ever does, but that’s another story) at this point because you don’t know everything about yourselves yet. 

Post # 30
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

marsh2001 :  hate to say this, but you will regret getting engaged so early. You are young and have no clue what the rest of your life is going to offer. You’re letting your young heart get the best of you. Good luck with your decision.

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