Me and my ex broke up and he slept with someone else.

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3346 posts
Sugar bee

You need serious counseling and some time alone. Your decisions with men are so bad they could get you killed. Absolutely everything is wrong here, but dysfunction is probably something that feels normal to you. 

You’re not in love with this guy, you’re in love with the idea of what you’d like him to be. Big difference. The reality is that he’s more disgusting than something you’d find on the bottom of your shoe. 

Focus on  getting an education. You need this badly. At your age you should be worried about how you’re going to do on the Microbiology final, not some dangerous douch nozzle.

Post # 17
Member
6044 posts
Bee Keeper

If you are even thinking about going back to a man who physically abused you then you need counseling, Bee. You were strong enough to leave him. Be strong enough to block him and cut him out of your life entirely. You are better than this. You deserve better than him. 

Post # 18
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

Bee, you’re extremely vulnerable right now. If a grown man has been dating you since you were 15, you were taken advantage of. It sounds to me like you have little to no parential guidance in your life if that was allowed to go on for 5 years…jumping to conclusions, I assume the reason you want(ed) to take him back is because he’s the only stability you’ve ever known, not because there’s a single lick of good in him or because of true love. You’re only 20, give yourself time to heal from that abuse. Find yourself before you start dating again, as I’m sure you haven’t had much chance to do that if you’ve been controlled by that asshat since you were a teen.  Give other good, kind men a fair chance. 

I don’t know you, and I don’t know what your life is/was like, but again…the fact that there were evidently no parents involved with their teen daughter dating a man 13 years older than her raises so many concerns for me.  I’m sorry if it’s too bold of me to assume, but has there been abuse in your past, before? It’s possible you may have a warped sense of relationships if some form of abuse is all you’ve known, which is why being with tht man felt so “right” to you. Regardless, being with an abuser is NEVER right, and you’re worth so much more. I’m so proud of you for walking away the first time…just remember the feelings that drove you to do that, and let it be a reminder of why he isn’t ever worth your time. I would also suggest looking into getting support/therapy for abuse victims, if you can…

Post # 19
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

A child predator who beats you and cheats on you. Hmm. You could seriously pick almost ANYONE off the street and they would be an upgrade. Please value yourself- you are worth more than this crap.

Post # 20
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Do not go back down this rabbit hole.  He seemed different because he was turning on the charm trying to woo his next victim.  He’s coming back to you know because he realize how much work it will be to manipulate someone else.  

Run please run

Post # 21
Member
2526 posts
Sugar bee

As long as you get a medical exam immediately, and learn that you are disease free, consider yourself BLESSED.

While getting your exam, ASK for a list of trained, professional counselors and make an appointment with the soonest source available.

THEN, ask your counselor for recommendations for educational/vocational assessment and begin dreaming about who you are, who you WANT to be, and how to get there.

FINALLY, give yourself a huge pat on the back for taking care of yourself and escaping all that was keeping you from becoming the woman you really are.

 

Post # 22
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

Stay away. It’s not a healthy relationship. Cut contact and move forward without him. You will be happy you did once this is all behind you.

Post # 23
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I’m so confused on how you are so heartbroken he slept with 3 people after you broke up when you say you broke up because he was cheating?? It some how hurts you more that he slept with people when he was single then when you two were together?

Post # 24
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It sounds like you already went back to this guy who was beating you and cheating. You’re 20, why would you be interested in someone who’s 13 years older than you and dated you at 15? That’s statutory rape if you had sex. You also mention he hasn’t given you reason to be jealous, but he has – he’s cheated on you.

Post # 25
Member
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

bunnkiwi7117 :  

OP’s pain does not have to make sense to you.

OP,

It feels like an addiction because it is.  Traumatic bonds are harder to break than healthy ones.  Google Stockholm Syndrome.

The only fix is to go cold turkey, just as the other Bees are telling you—No Contact.  None.  Zero.  Zip. Nada.  Not even a text to tell him to stop contacting you. You full on ghost him.  When you feel the urge to give in and contact him, post here instead.  We’ll talk you through it.

Post # 26
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

anwtzzyka :  there’s no hope for this relationship. He physically assaults you, and emotionally abuses you. You are in an abusive relationship. You are an abuse victim. Say that out loud. “I am an abuse victim”. I highly recommend seeking counseling at a woman’s shelter or support group. Physical abuse often escalates. If he beats you, he is capable of killing you.

The last thing you need to do is date right now. You need to be single and seek help.

What if he got you pregnant? Would you want a child being born into an abusive situation, seeing you abused, or being abused themselves? Break the cycle sweetie. Please get yourself some help.

Post # 27
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

sassy411 :  I did not mean my comment in a rude way. 

Post # 29
Member
6652 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

anwtzzyka :  This man beat you.

This man beat you.

This man beat you.

Repeat that to yourself as many times as you need until you realize what an absolute piece of human garbage he is. Of course it’s been hard to move on. He programmed you that way over 5 years! And it’s only been a little over a month. This stuff takes time Bee. 

Leave this piece of shit behind in the dust. Your life can only get better with him out of the picture. 

Post # 30
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

Men like that treat every woman they date like shit. Just wait. 

Please don’t waste your time on this POS. Find you a man that treats you well and makes you feel good about yourself!

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