Me and my girlfriend broke up for this reason. Was I or was she wrong?

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You have exhausted me and and I don’t even know you. Don’t you have some video games to play or something? 

Post # 32
Member
2798 posts
Sugar bee

Dude, you really need therapy. This is 100% your fault. Not only are you obsessed, but you blame her for her very normal and natural reaction to your awful treatment of her. Get a grip.

Post # 33
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Short answer: you were wrong. Please leave her alone.

 

Long answer: You are very young, and clearly very insecure. You need to take the time to yourself to mature and work on your personal issues – it’s perfectly normal for your girlfriend, who has her own life, to not be answering your texts instantly at any time of day. You need to treat her like an independent person, with her own life, her own priorities, and her own stuff going on, and not a human security blanket to make you feel better when you’re feeling down. The only person who can make you feel confident is YOU. If you continually rely on outside validation, you will always be clinging to people and obsessing over people in an unhealthy way that will drive them away.

Even coming here, the way that you are getting very defensive when people are trying to give you good advice, it’s a glimpse into what your girlfriend must have dealt with on a regular basis, and it would be tiresome to anyone. Please, I implore you to take time as a single person, maybe go see a therapist, and work on why you feel so insecure and why it overpowers your relationship with other people. Until you can be a happy, healthy individual, you cannot be in a happy, healthy relationship.

I know it’s hard to be young. I remember how hard it was for me, and how even small things felt massive. I am wishing you strength to move on from your breakup, and the self-reflection necessary to learn and grow from this experience.

Post # 34
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

shawn8223 : Sometimes we’d argue and she’d apologize for raising her voice at me. Then she’d say she’d stop but once I start to accuse her again she starts yelling again.

Yeah, no shit man. Read the words you are writing. She would apologize for raising her voice in an argument that you started. She said she’d stop – but you continued to argue and accuse her of things she DID NOT DO and she would start yelling again? OF COURSE SHE STARTED YELLING AGAIN BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING AN ASSHOLE TO HER AND SHE IS SICK OF IT.

I tried to be nice about this kid, but you keep defending your actions and trying to spin her into the bad guy and SHE IS NOT. Leave her alone. Move on with your life. Maybe get some therapy to get to the root of your insecurities because I can guarantee that all your relationships are going to end this same way until you get that under control. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is so insecure that not replying to a text ASAP makes them start flinging accusations of cheating or not caring. 

Breakups suck, they do, so I get that you’re upset. But this one is on you man and the only thing you can do now is accept that your actions got you to this point, and work on your self confidence.

Post # 35
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

Are we being trolled? 

If not, dude you are scary. You are obsessive, accusatory, and manipulative.  You dont need a girlfriend, you need a therapist.

Honestly, you sound like a future abuser.  

Monitoring her behavior and where she is all the time

Angry when she isnt keeping you informed

Fighting and manipulating her and trying to make her feel bad for you just so you can talk to her.

Love bombing and then fighting, then breaking up and getting back together

Have you ever hit her or shoved her? Because if you wanted to when you were angry then you definitely need a therapist. 

 

If she were my daughter you showed up at my house after a break up you would be in jail for harassment. You are 19 and she is still a minor. This momma would have met you at the door and told you where to get off.

 

Post # 36
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

This post is suspect especially when OP has not acknowledged any responses regarding his jerk boy behavior and just keeps saying more stupid shit.

Bees I think we’ve been had! But I’ve missed these types of posters….things have been boring lately.

Post # 37
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

shawn8223 :  You need to work on yourself and your own insecurities before you’ll be able to participate in a healthy relationship. Yes, you are wrong. Just because you have personal issues, does not mean your partner should have to deal with constant berating, arguing, accusations, and overly clingy tendencies. I would suggest personal reflection and counseling to address and move past your insecurities and trust issues. 

Post # 39
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

shawn8223 :  Being insecure is not a reason to be a jerk. You don’t get to say, “But I feel insecure therefore I’m justified in doing and saying whatever I want!” SERIOUSLY, you are 19 years old, you are a grown man, stop acting like a little baby throwing a tantrum. If you feel insecure it’s YOUR PROBLEM TO SOLVE. Not insist that everyone just alter their lives so you feel better. You were controlling and abusive and this girl is well rid of you. Not to mention that behavior like this is so unattractive. People like confidence and no one likes to be told what to do or argued with all the time. You will never find a good partner unless you go see a therapist and change your ways. 

Post # 40
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

shawn8223 :  OK I think you honestly are just too young to understand how relationships work or even what is normal. 

1) She doesn’t owe you all of her time. She doens’t owe you an explaination of how she spends her time when you two aren’t hanging out. She doesn’t have to reply to all your texts. She is allowed to want to watch a movie and relax and hang with her family or even by herself without wanting to talk to you during the movie. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, it means she is an independent person. YOU SHOULD BE TOO. 

2) A relationship is two independent people who have their own full lives going on that are separate from each other. She has her friends and activities she likes doing, she gets her free time to do things alone that she likes to do. SO do you. A healthy relationship is when both people have their own lives but choose to spend time together when it works to do that. 

3) She is watching a movie because that is what she wanted to do. Why are you harassing her on the phone and via text message instead of also finding things to do on your own to keep yourself entertained? If you two did not have plans to hang out that night, that means you go find something to do, and go live your own life and leave her alone. It doesn’t mean you get bored and think you have the right to text her and call her and bug her instead of finding yourself something to do. Get a hobby, hangout with friends. A girlfriend is not supposed to be a source of entertainment for you. A relationship is not supposed to solve your insecurity or any other issues you have. 

4) Stay broken up. Bulid your own life that you enjoy and are proud of. Be independent, get a hobby, work on college. Figure out ways to build your self esteem on your own. Then, once you are 100% happy on your own, and love yourself, THEN your ready to be in a relationship with someone else. 

Post # 41
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

1. Why are you posting this on a wedding forum? Like, how did you even find this board? Makes me suspect that you’re spamming your obsessive nonsense on every advice board you can find on the internet… 

2. You sound utterly exhausting and I’m shocked she put up with this for almost 2 years. 

Get help kid, and don’t date anyone for a very long time. 

Post # 42
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

sboom :  I had the exact same thoughts about how he found/decided to post on this board (I have the question about a few passed posts I’ve read).

Though, in a way, I’m glad he posted here and not Reddit.

Post # 43
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Wow…you sound so much like my ex (that I put up with for a year and 8 months) that I dumped my senior year of high school. Completely exhausting! Super obsessive, controlling, manipulative, etc. Only after I told him I wanted a break for a week to think about the relationship, he told me that he would go to counseling so he could be better for *me*. I told him he needs to go to counseling to be better for himself/be a better person in general. He would constantly text me/call me, etc and would freak out if I didn’t respond (even when I was hanging out with my friends and/or family). I feel bad for that poor girl. Do her a favor and never contact her again and get your butt into counseling ASAP! Also, don’t date until you do. 

Post # 44
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

shawn8223 :  Are you wrong? Yes. She’s tired of being controlled, and sick of explaining herself to you. I don’t care how young you are. Controlling behavior is not something you’ll simply grow out of. You need to figure out the foundation for your insecurities before you latch on to another girl. Fortunately your girlfriend figured you out, and frankly, her behavior says she wants you to leave her alone.

Leave her be. She’s too young for you anyway. 

Post # 45
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

shawn8223 :  What brought you to this wedding website to post?

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