(Closed) (Emotional) Me being happy = cranky & controlling mother.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow sweetie. 

Mum sure needs to cut the cord.

I am sure all of her resistance is just because she is aware that you are starting an exciting new part of your life, and she probably is just afraid that she is losing you. However, she needs to back off as this type of behaviour will push you away very quickly.

Has she always been a little over-involved? 

Post # 5
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know this can be hard (especially when she is quick to be grumpy), but have you sat her down and had a ‘woman to woman’ talk?

Perhaps start by focusing on all the things you are excited to involve her in (once you are engaged) like choosing your dress, and that you will need her help picking venues etc. This will make her aware that you have every intent of sharing this journey with her…

As for the other part, I would just ask her why she is being resistant to these things you are so excited about. What are her fears/ reservations. 

I wish you all the best, these situations are really hard when all you want is a hug and a “I am so excited for you” from your Mum.


Post # 6
567 posts
Busy bee

Yes, your mum needs to let you go a little.  “She says that my 30y.o brother still lives at home, why can’t I?” Hm, that’s not good.  It sounds like she is afraid of not being involved in your exciting new life.  Maybe have an honest conversation with her to assure he you are not abandoning her but that sometimes you will need to do stuff for yourself, especially once married?

My mum is going through the same thing with my younger brothers who are going off to uni.  It is hard on mums but they have to expect us to fly the nest at some point.

If she cannot see your reasoning, ask her how she’d feel if her parents had been the same way to her; she would have felt like you do now.  Emapthy works both ways.  You emapthise with her but she needs to do this for you too.

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