Post # 1
Sorry this is long but I don’t know what to do.
Names have been changed
Ex’s brother: Dave
Daves wife: sally
Back story: my SO (bob) before me dated a girl (sue) for about 8 months while dating her he grew with the family and became a part of that. His ex’s brother (dave) is one of his best friends and Daves wife (Sally ) is also bobs bestfriend.
Well when we got together (we’ve been together for a year and a half) bob hungout with Dave and Sally alot and has known them for about 3 years. They are apart of his everyday life. They are some of his closest friends and I have to be around them. The problem is Sally is very rude to me any time we come around them. I have tried to kill her with kindness, be nice and try to be friends, I’ve went out of way, and anything I do isn’t good enough. Sally hates me. We go around them every few weeks or so and I dread it everytime It’s an awkward situation anyway because it is bobs exes family. I understand they are great friends but it’s a weird situation to be put it. I came into this relationship knowing this previous so there’s nothing I can do about that and it’s definitely not my place to tell my SO (bob) that I don’t want him to be friends with them anymore. Thankfully sue (ex) isn’t ever around. But this whole scenario is uncomfortable.
I want to be friends with Sally but when I sat her down and confronted her she said that she just doesn’t like girls and that for bobs sake we will be civil and nothing more.
Bob wants me to come around alot, he wants all of us to be great friends. Dave loves me but his wife doesn’t and I’m just not sure what to do about it. I know for sure I don’t have to be friends with Sally or even really like her I just have to be civil but how do I make this situation less awkward? Or easier to handle? And if this were you, what would you do?
Plus help bees!
Thank you and if anything is confusing ask and I’ll answer asap!
This topic was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by bnm97.
Post # 2
Sorry, Bee. Sally has laid it all out. She will never be friends with you – don’t take it personally. She either really does not like girls (WTF) or is so aligned with the ex that she can’t deal with you. Either way, Dave is a dude and not petty like his wife, so you will always be welcome by him. You aren’t going to be able to change who Sally is as a person. Your options are to not hang out with them ever, or just be polite when you are around her. It doesn’t have to be awkward unless you make it awkward in your head.
Post # 3
Bob wants nothing more than for us to be those “couple friends” and as of right now it’s more of they are friends and I tolerate sally. So is about to propose and I feel like this will just escalated.
Post # 4
bnm97: Sweet Bob. Guys don’t get it when girls are mean. If I were you, I’d just talk to him so that he knows that you are trying but Sally has straight up said you won’t be friends. If it escalates, Bob should be on your side. But don’t let it interfere with getting engaged, which is awesome!
Post # 5
So what do you do when you go catch up with them? Do Bob and Dave go off and leave the 2 of you to deal with each other? Or do you have meals and do activities together? If he wants you to be “couple friends” then the 4 of you should be hanging out together. Be friends with Dave, and be civil to Sally. If you get left with her, take a book or something to do, and explain to the men you will never be friends, and don’t want to make small talk for the sake of making small talk. Let Sally do her own thing, as it sounds like you go around to theirs more than they go to yours.
Post # 6
You can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you. Tell Bob that you had a conversation with Sally and Sally made it clear she’s not interested. Like PP have said, don’t let that interfere with your potential engagement! If Sally has a problem, then she has a problem, not you. If she behaves rudely towards you, then respond just like you would to anyone else that’s rude to you.
Post # 7
If I were in your position, I would attempt to form a closer bond with Dave. Then there will be an ‘us three, plus Sally’ situation, and she will have to decide to either;
A. Become an active member of the group and recognise your position within the group, forcing her to treat you better.
B. Sit on the sidelines like a sourpuss.
C. Remove herself from the group.
Post # 8
She isn’t your bestfriend, first off. Second, why try to force someone to like you? She already said no thanks.
Tell your SO you do not feel comfortable socializing with them. This all sounds like petty high school drama. Sadly, no matter how old we get we never really leave the petty high school drama
Post # 9
britishbee: I really like that idea
Post # 10
Just some more info we are all early 20s. 21-24
Post # 11
Under those circumstances, I would refuse to hang out with the two of them together. Let your SO hang out with his best friend without you. Your time is precious, why would you want to spend it catering to a woman who can’t even pretend to tolerate you?
Post # 12
Time to tell Bob to get the eff over his fantasy of the four of you being butt buddies, and for you to ignore Sue and have a good time hanging out with Bob and Dave, if that’s what you want to do. I can’t stand girls who say crap like “I don’t like other girls”.
Post # 13
bnm97: I would pour my energy into my friendship with her husband. 🙂 it will either make her or break her.
You either want her to admit it to your fiance so you can stop hanging out or her husband’s well being is the way to her heart and it will make her see you in a different light but don’t try too hard. Be indifferent to her. Next time bring him a video game or….bag of chips or something that you know he likes and say “on our way over I saw this and thought you’d like it!” or be really interested in his stories, ask him about his works etc.
Put your energy into that relationship. She will either come around or in jealous rage do something to make your SO stop the visits with both of them.
Post # 14
Did you let your SO know what she said to you?
Post # 15
Bob needs to talk with her and deal with this. It doesn’t matter if she wants to be friends or not She is being immature and rude, and that is just not called for, nor is it really acceptable to adults to act that way. Does she behave that way at work with women, because she hates all women?? I doubt it, or she would get fired. He needs to step up and confront his friend for her sh*tty behaviour, and she needs to grow up and act like a functioning adult that is polite to other humans, simply because it is the right thing to do. No one is saying to be friends, but going around just being a jerk is ridiculous behaviour for an adult.