(Closed) Mean Girls situation

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee

summerwedding16:  all i can tell you bee, is that you’re the common denominator here. even if you don’t realize it, there must have been *something* you did that pissed them all off. i think you need to confront them about the situation. if they don’t stop acting this way, or don’t tell you what’s going on, then just don’t have them as bridemaids. if they’re not your friends, they shouldn’t be standing up next to you.

Post # 3
Hostess
3177 posts
Sugar bee

I feel like I need some more info. How much contact do you have with the girls, outside of wedding related stuff? How are your individual relationships with them? 

Post # 4
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

summerwedding16:  I hate to say it, but people move on with their lives. I am not in touch really with 3 of my bridesmaids. They were bridesmaids in my wedding for Christ’s sake! One completely went off the wall and ended up having an affair with a married man whose wife has been sick with cancer for years, she is too embarrassed to even face any of her friends, and the other two were sisters who don’t really reply much to me and who never reach out to me first. I honestly only included them in my wedding party because I had been friends with them for so long. I regret having them in my wedding party now, all three of them. If there’s one thing that life has taught me, people get busy and move on with their lives. At this point in time, I only really have time to interact on a daily basis with roughly 3-5 people at most. I get very burnt out easily, and I also get overwhelmed trying to keep up communication with a lot of people at once, especially since I am as busy as I am now. I understand other people are the exact same way I am, and once I realized that, I got my feelings hurt a lot less, and moved on with my life as well. That being said, if someone REALLY wants to have a relationship with you, they will initiate conversation, they will reach out, and they certainly won’t ignore you. Just try not to get too butthurt over this, and focus on your own happiness.

Post # 5
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

Now I don’t have too much experience with weddings but seems to me, it’s your wedding and if they’re being so petty and nasty, then the best thing to do is to cut them out of the wedding and uninvite them. The wedding is about you and your fiance. Not about anyone else, not even the bridal party.

Focus on what is important for you for this wedding and cut out any negative influences. Do you really want them standing beside you, spewing out their negative energies while you’re getting married?

Post # 6
Member
11654 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

What was the hair and make up meltdown about and what were your emails about? 

Post # 7
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Yea they are def mad at you for something. I would say pull aside the one that you are closest with and ask them to tell you what is up.

Post # 9
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yeah, I feel like we need more information here. There’s a reason they’re treating you this way.

Post # 10
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Kick them out! I my opinion. Why have jerks stand up with you when you are marrying your best friend? They obviously don’t even want to be a part of your life. You are going to have those pics forever. Do u want those 4 in the pics? Speaking from experience (1 Bridesmaid or Best Man is in all my pics and we don’t speak anymore) do not let them up there with you. 

Post # 12
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry you’re being ignored and isolated by your friends, bee, if you still consider them friends. I don’t think it has anything to do with feeling like you’re asking for too much. You’re coming at this from the wrong angle. I think they all, for whatever reason, probably felt like you isolated them to start, and they’re pushing back by doing the same to you. Instead of ‘confronting’ them, maybe start with an apology. After reading what you’ve said, you don’t think you’re in the wrong at all. And you probably aren’t, but it sounds like that’s what they’re expecting from you. I think they’re the type of people who are too proud and stubborn to reach out for a solution themselves. They’re waiting for your attention and affirmation. Apologize for not making your one friend Maid/Matron of Honor and let her talk. Do it one-on-one with each of them. Instead of saying ‘why are you treating me like this?’ say ‘I feel like I must’ve done something to make you all upset, and I want to make it right. Can you tell me what’s going on? I’m totally in the dark here’ Come to some common ground. It’ll soon become very clear whether they should be a part of your wedding or whether you need to re-assign these roles to people who’ve been supportive, not stress-provoking and immature.

 

*OH! I also wanted to add that recently, in the process of one of my good friend’s wedding, we all started feeling neglected for not including us in the planning process at all. Not asking us for input or even updating us about what had been booked, decided on, etc… It’s possible they’re feeling like you haven’t involved them enough. I can see this especially through the hair and makeup situation if you decided on things or made recommendations without bouncing ideas off them

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  calikat.
Post # 13
Member
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

summerwedding16:  

When I confronted her about that and wanted to tell her that I’d priceshopped quite a bit but if it were too expensive i’d be fine with them doing her own hair and makeup at the house the morning of so we could all hang out and not have to worry about going to another salon,

I know this is just one small example, but little things can add up. If your bridesmaids thought the salon you chose was too expensive, they are entitled to choose their own salon. You don’t get to tell them “Use the one I chose or do your own hair” In effect, that was what you said to them.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
11654 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

summerwedding16:  so you picked a hair and make up person/place and she felt it was too expensive, so you were charging them to do their hair and make up for your wedding? That’s really a bit off, I can understand why she wasn’t happy about that.

however, this whole way they are coping with their feelings is immature and only going to a bad place. the freezing you out and treating you like crap at your own wedding events while denying there is a problem is bullsh*t. They need to own their own decision to stay, not wage mean girl war while ruining your events.

I would apologize about the hair and make up cost imposition/unilateral decision and stop making unilateral decisions like that. then simply tell them the truth. “I was so looking forward to having you in my wedding, but I get the feeling you don’t want to be here.  If you don’t feel like you want to stand up for me, no hard feelings.” Wait for a reply. Hopefully they will either grow up or bow out.

If they stay but continue with the p/a games, time to cut them loose. 

Post # 15
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I didn’t ask my bridesmaids their opinion on the hair/makeup artist because guess what they aren’t paying for it and even if they were I wouldn’t have asked their opinion because its not their choice because its YOUR day. If you don’t like the way they are behaving then don’t have them in the wedding. It seems to me that you either pissed them off or they all have serious jealousy issues. I would just down right ask them if they even want to be in the wedding because they are acting like they don’t want to.

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