I know it’s a bit late to the party, but in case you’re still unsure what to do, I have always found writing a letter is a good way to approach difficult issues, not an email but a hand-written letter. Writing a letter has two main benefits:
1. You have a chance to work out exactly what you want to say and how to say it.
2. They have the opportunity and the space to think about what you said before responding.
If you do want to go ahead with the letter, there are a few things I’d recommend to make sure it is as effective as possible:
1. Try to keep the focus on their behaviour not on any traits this behaviour may or may not imply e.g. “You didn’t say goodbye to me after the bridal shower” instead of “You were rude to me at the bridal shower.”
2. Don’t try to make any assumptions about what they may be thinking or feeling. Even if you’re 100% correct, people don’t like to be told how they feel by others e.g. “You’re trying to punish me.”
3. State the facts of their behaviour and how you feel about it e.g. “When you didn’t say goodbye after the bridal shower, I felt upset/rejected/hurt.”
4. Don’t use “I feel” statements to talk about their motivations, traits e.g. “I feel you were being rude.”
5. Offer a couple of solutions and ways they can be achieved.
6. Try to phrase your solutions in terms of what you would like them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do e.g. “I would like you to tell me if I have done anything to upset or offend you” rather than “Please don’t ignore me when I ask you what’s wrong.”
7. In the letter, arrange a specific time to follow-up on what you said e.g. “If it’s okay, I would like to meet for coffee on Saturday morning to chat about this.”
8. End on a hopeful, conciliatory note.
I really wish you the best. This is an incredibly difficult situation.