- 5 years ago
I’d like to keep this short, let’s see if it is possible.
I met my husband, and we were not long for dating. We married because we love eachother and will not have a future without eachother. My family accepted my short engagement, his, not so much. His sister was mean. Horrible. I would say a joke (yes, sometimes I have dry humor) and she would laugh and it would be good. Then days later she would suddenly hate me because I said the joke, when before it was okay. Something came up with my husbands brother and I, a little skiff, and she’s holding that against me also even though his brother and I get along really well.
Day of our wedding: I disliked one of his ex friends that was a bitch usually. I did not want her at my wedding. He agreed. His sister brought her anyways. My husband asks her to take the one I disliked home. She left, but came back with her after a while saying “I need her here” and didn’t give a care. At our wedding, she found out he decided to change his middle name to my maiden name, as a compromise to the last name situation. If he hadnt done that I would have asked him to simply take my last name. When she found out, during the wedding, she came up to my husband yelling and screaming that he cannot do that, and told him to fuck off in front of our small wedding party.
Weeks later, my husband went into the military and left for bootcamp. She said nothing to him before he left and they were on no speaking terms. I still wasnt her biggest fan obviously but didn’t want drama. A few weeks before he returned home I received a facebook message.
Her -May I take you to coffee this weekend?
(I was at work, didnt respond right away and didnt “look” at the message)
If not that’s fine. At least I’m trying. And I owe you a sincere apology among other things. Like the ticket I just paid for (my husband) today from the trip to Missoula. I am going to just add that to what he already owes me. No biggy.
If you don’t want to go at least let me know so my conscious is cleared knowing I at least tried to make right with the woman married to my brother. Because I will be making right with my brother and we will be a part of each other’s lives.
Me -I’m sorry… What ticket?
Her – A parking ticket apparently. Idk. It came in my name and I haven’t been to Missoula in ages. So I called and they asked if I knew a (my husband) and it was sent to me because I have an account with UofM and (your husband) car is registered at the same address. But I took care of it. It was only $25.
Me – It will take more than an apology, and I’m not ready to forgive you right now, even if I want to. You hurt and humiliated me. Him changing his middle name? that is between us. I’d love to be your sister but there needs to be lines drawn, and you have to understand that I am his wife. I dont want drama, but at the same time I’m not willing for you to walk all over me and act like that. There was no excuse. If you trying once to “make it right” is all it takes to clear your mind for doing that in front of everyone at our wedding, I think you need more time to think about it.
Her – I don’t need more time to think about anything. And I’m not going to beg at your feet for forgiveness. That middle name means something. That had nothing to do with you. It was extremely wrong of me but I’m not going to ask you a million times. I don’t come back to Montana very often and I’m not doing this for me. I am offering to take you out as a mature adult. Your clear denial of my invitation doesn’t make or break the fact that I am sorry. (Your husband) and I will make right. We are family and that’s what we do. I love him. He is my brother. Weather or not you’re ready to talk is up to you. I am not expecting your forgiveness.. I’d be pissed to. But given the circumstances of everything involved.. Making right would be in everyone’s best interest.. But mostly (your husbands).. Because no matter what shit him and I say.. We love each other at the end of the day.
Me -I never said beg at my feet? I’m just not ready to forgive the girl that insulted my husband and I, and thinks saying “sorry” once will make it okay. I’m thinking about myself right now, and all you can say is (your brother/my husband). It would be nice if you could consider the fact it isnt all about him at all.
You only get married once and you managed to cause that scene. You have yet to even say you were sorry about any of it, just saying you owe an apology. Instead of his middle name he could have been changing his last name, instead I took his. (My husband) isn’t home, and he won’t be for a while, when that time comes I’m sure I can talk to him about it then. I don’t want more of your drama, but I also don’t want you to act like you did at our wedding especially when I didnt want (the girl I dislike) there. Its disrespectful and rude.
Her – But I didn’t message you to argue. I messaged you to extend an invitation.. To buy you a coffee. There’s no harm in sipping coffee and listening. You don’t have to say anything and you can just get up and walk away after I’ve finished speaking. Or you can say no. Buy your own coffee . And not hear anything I have to say. I’ve got no arguments for you. Just appology.
Because I’d like to apologize in person. I’m not a huge fan of media apologies.
Me – Can I think about it for a few days?
And IF i decide to go this will not just you be talking at me. If i go i want to talk, and i hope you’ll understand where I’m coming from then. You’re right. Talking over facebook isn’t the place for this.
Her – That’s fine. I encourage you to talk. It would be really uncomfortable for me to be the only one talking. But I am only in town Friday- Sunday and I did move away full time. Sorry to put my time limitations on you. But if you choose to accept my invitation to talk.. Not just apologize, because you’re right.. I owe you more than just a “sorry..” Just let me know. Thank you.
Me – I will.
Me the next morning
I do want to go to coffee but this weekend I have to go get my sister from Ronan. I hope next time you are here we can get coffee though.
Her – I won’t be back for.. A while. But that’s ok, I understand.
Me- Thank you.
Her- No problem. But putting the things we were going to talk about in person aside.. I do need payed back by (my husband). I’m in a situation where I need that to fix things on my end as well
Small talk for about 4 messages. What irritated me in that conversation is that he wasnt even halfway through basic training yet and she honestly just wanted to see me to get what he owes her. I understand that. I took it out of our savings to get her repaid. I’m still hurt over her actions. My husband is very angry and hurt at her actions as well. He has been back for almost 2 months and she hasnt even tried talking to him. We have taken the path of no drama, which means we will not initiate any type of apology until she comes up with it first. When we choose to be around his mother we dont talk with her, or anything. Last time we were around her she came out of the house and yelled “Felicia” as an insult. came out a while later and said well I can see I am not welcome here.
The next day my husband was helping his mother put siding on the house and she comes in saying she is being alienated and that they need to warn her when my husband is going to be there. There are more things she has done, but I tried making this short
Advice… Welcome. Greatly.