Post # 1
I have a serious question. My fiance’s family is very insistent that I put his sister-in-law in my bridal party. The problem is, that she has been rude to my family, rude to me, and never talks to me, even going so far as to not smile or give me a hug when I approached her to do the same. Recently it seems like she is givinig me the silent treatment because I haven’t put her in my wedding party.
Even before all of this happened, she never went out of her way to get to know me, or learn about myself.
To top it off, my fiance’s family members have been trying to manipulate him into getting me to add her, calling him up and alternately threatening him or playing the victim.
He has been supportive of me, however I don’t know what the right decision is.
I know all of the guidebooks and websites that you should add insistent in-laws to avoid future drama, but I have been so put off by this woman’s abject rudeness to my fiance, myself, and my family.
Please ladies give me some advice.
Post # 3
@SuzieJones: I don’t think you have to put her in the wedding party given her pattern of behavior, but I would also suggest trying to keep the bridal party small – you can use that as an excuse for not asking her to keep the peace, and maybe give her something to do on wedding day (read, usher, etc). Good luck!
Post # 4
No way I would invite her to be part of the wedding party.
If she were FI’s sister I might consider it, but I want people who loved and cared about me in my wedding party.
If your wedding really is January 2015, I wouldn’t be asking anyone for about 3 years, so for now, your excuse can be that you are not prepared to ask anyone yet.
Post # 5
Has your Fiance or his family given any reason why this is so important to them? It seems a bit odd, considering she is (assumedly) the wife of FIs brother.
I guess it just depends how you want to handle things – it is easier to hold your ground and possibly create drama, or avoid hurting people’s feelings and putting her in your Bridal Party.
Definitely a toughie… big hugs and good luck!
Post # 6
Only put people who YOU want in your bridal party. Your FH’s family will get over it eventually. I got a discreet request to put FBIL’s Girlfriend in the wedding party but I played the “keeping the wedding party small” card. This is true but I wouldn’t have put her in regardless – I hardly know her and she doesn’t even seem to like me!
Post # 7
Put his sister in law (so his brothers wife) in the wedding party?? That’s a stretch! Maaaybe if it was his own sister, and she was nice to you, I’d consider having her in the wedding party. But thats one degree too much for me for someone that isnt even truely close to me. Hold your ground.. no way.
Post # 8
Wait until 7-9 months before your wedding to choose. Hopefully by then things will have calmed down and you can ask her to be a usher or something not as involved.
Post # 9
Do they have kids? If so I would consider letting the child be in the wedding but NOT HER!!
Post # 10
@SuzieJones: Dont do it… The people that should be standing by you are the ones who support you… Not the ones people want to see in a pretty dress.
Post # 12
Thanks. That gives me something to think about now.
Thanks. My wedding isn’t really in 3 years, I just protect my privacy by not giving out all of my personal information to businesses.
The problem is, nearly ever adult in FI’s immediate family is in the wedding party (sister, brothers, and brother-in-law). The woman in question’s daughter is out flower girl. FI’s sister in law feels left out, but I have a sister in law that I am not putting in, and I have cousins who are not being in the bridal party, and none of them are making a stink about it.
Exactly, what Fiance admits started the drama is that he is close to his own brothers and brother in law are both groomsmen,, and he jumped the gun on making the sister-in-law’s daughter the flower girl, without contacting me about it first. With the husband as the best man, and the daughter as flower girl, she feels left out and his has been even meaner to me than she usually is.
Thank you. I’ll stick to that.
Ok, we have the kid as the flower girl and her husband as the best man, so she feels left out and has gotten crazier with us.
So smart. Very true.