Post # 46
- Wedding: June 2016 - Villa in Florence, Italy
In the short term- you could buy a suitcase lock
Post # 47
No. The fetus picture idea is mean and kind of twisted IMO.
talk to her.
Post # 48
Write her a letter. Put it in an envelope stamped confidential so she can’t resist. Do not seal the flap. Make a mark on the letter and remember which side you placed it in the envelope by making a corresponding mark on the inside of the envelope on the side the letter’s mark is facing. Put it in between two pieces of clothing and remember how you placed it. The letter should read, “Dear Mother-In-Law, I know you snoop. Consider this a warning. I’ll know if you read this letter. If you do not decide this is your last snoop, I will make absolutely certain that your son and I stay in a hotel for every visit thereafter, no exceptions. This extends to your future grandchildren, as well. I take my privacy very seriously. You should, too.”
If you want to be really condescending, sign it with “xoxo.” Honestly. Her snooping is unacceptable and your husband sweeping it under the carpet is frustrating at best. This woman doesn’t get a pass on this behavior, were it me.
Post # 49
I think it’s a great idea – it was exactly what I was thinking before I even got to that part in your post! LOL
Let us know how it goes!
Post # 50
- Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017
omg are we related hehee … My future mil used to snoop it stopped when I asked her not to, I just said it made me feel uncomfortable. I have to say it only came to a head when I signed my then boyfriends card lots of love Mrs Bear, as his nickname is bear but she thought we had got married on the cue t and it was my surname. I did say to her that will teach you …… I would be tempted to put the scan in, but make sure your husband knows so when she brings it up you will be laughing together at the joke xx good luck
Post # 51
Again I would like to resate that Darling Husband has tried to talk to his mom about it many many times. Both before we were together and while we have been together. He has tried bringing it up gently and he has tried being very severe. Everytime she swears she has done nothing wrong and that he is falsely accusing her. She knows this behavior is innapropriate but refuses to own up. Why would we try the same method over and over again? It’s ok if some people think a prank is not ok, but why suggest something I have clearly stated I have tried many many times. We would stay in a hotel but it would break his dad’s heart and we can’t afford it.
Post # 52
Sounds like your Mother-In-Law may have boundary issues that should have been addressed with therapy, as your husband needed therapy to deal with her. Therefore she does not seem fully rational and even firm letters and conversations will likely not change her mind. I vote for locking everything.
Post # 53
Several posters mentioned getting a lock for your luggage……can’t afford that either?
Post # 54
Snark much? We kept all our bags in the car once but she still managed to go through my purse. The one year I managed to find my luggage lock and use it (I always pack last minute and forget a min of 8 essential items bc I’m an idiot) she still went through my cosmetics bag in the bathroom. It wasn’t so bad bc it was just my face wash and acne cream and stuff. I’m just not good at keeping all of my things locked up and away at all times.
I would be better at keeping everything locked up if I cared more i guess. It used to bug me but now I find it about as annoying as her interogating me about my diet or talking over me. If I really felt I needed the privacy and couldnt stand her going through anything I would figure out a way to stay someplace else.
Post # 55
She sounds INSANE. You should hide mousetraps in there instead.
Ok, don’t actually do that. I would insist on the hotel though. Who cares if it hurts her feelings- why are her feelings more important than you’re desire to not have her go through your stuff? Your husband is really dropping the ball on this one.
Post # 56
Oh her feelings are mostly w/e to my husband but he ADORES his dad, and Father-In-Law would be crushed if we didn’t stay with them. We once tried addressing the boundry thing with Father-In-Law but he just denies it too. He absolutely adores her and refuses to believe she is anything but perfect. It’s pretty cute when it isnt totally enabling.
Post # 57
Yeh, it’s a mean prank. And immature. Register in hotel and don’t stoop to her level. A prank like that could have serious, long term consequences.
Post # 58
Pranking her isn’t going to change her behavior. It’s just going to make you look like a jerk.
Post # 59
Father-In-Law would be crushed? OH WELL. Too bad so sad. Then maybe he shouldn’t enable her behaviour. Actions have consequences.
Seriously though, this isn’t going to stop unless you (and your husband) deal with it. Letting them deny it and brush it off is not dealing with it. Playing pranks is not dealing with it.
I would honestly be tempted to get a small camera to record her. Then when she denies it, play the footage. I mean it’s “only” snooping now, but are you guys planning to have kids? Think about the boundaries she’s going to steamroll over then, if you don’t deal with this now.
Post # 60
You keep making excuses for why you have to stay in her home, but really the best and only reasonable mature answer is, don’t stay in her home. That is the answer. You said in your OP that you asked if you could and your husband said no. The fact that you wanted to tells me you can afford it. The fact that he said no just means that he doesn’t have to stay there if he doesn’t want to. The fact that your Father-In-Law would be crushed, that’s not your problem to fix. It is very wrong for her to snoop and make inappropriate comments, so I sympathize with you there. It sounds like she has a compulsion like another PP mentioned. Regardless, if your Father-In-Law adores her and believes she’s perfect, how do you think he’s going to react to your childish cruel prank? Do you really think he’ll find it hilarious, or is it likely that he’d be even more crushed by you hurting and humiliating his beloved wife, than he would be by you just saying “we’re grown-ups, we’re staying in a hotel.”