(Closed) Meddling mothers!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it’s nice that she is putting in her 2cents. I can’t get my mom to even ask or care about how my wedding planning is going. So that is just my opinion, that it is nice that she wants to help out even if you have to pass on her ideas. 😉

Post # 4
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My mom did the same thing at first.  There was a huge blow-out that resulted in her not speaking to me for two weeks (which has NEVER happened in my life!).  I stepped back and realized that she was feeling left out and this was her way of having some input – by being crazy.  Everyone here kept saying “give her a job!”  I didn’t think that would work but it totally did!  I put her in charge of Save-The-Date Cards and invites.  Not only did she love doing it, but she did an amazing job and we ended up chosing colors and theme based on the dang invites!  She now refers to herself as “the stationary b*@ch” and things have gone swimmingly.

I know how bad things feel right now, but seriously, give her a job.  You don’t want to ostracize her at this really important time in your life.

Post # 5
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lames: This totally worked for us too with FMIL! I thought it sounded silly and that giving her a job wouldn’t be enough to occupy her, but it worked great. We asked her to help us find musicians for the ceremony and she got really into it.

We also included her and Future Father-In-Law in some vendor meetings and they were able to get more of the big picture. When they saw we had things under control, they backed off with some of their feedback. It seemed counterintuitive to me to include them more when they were meddling so much (my instinct was to try to get them to back off), but it really did work. In our case, their need to constantly put in their two cents was really just their way of saying they wanted to be involved and included in the process.

Post # 6
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I feel your pain! My mother is driving me up a wall!  I give her an assignment and she doesn’t do it, she starts doing something else instead.  I tell her I don’t like or want to do something and it’s a 20 minute “why not” conversation/argument.  We just had yet another argument after not speaking for 4 days….

Maybe giving her something to do (that’s going to take a long time, LOL) will work. 

I’m jealous that you live 4 hours from your mom…mine lives like 10 minutes away!!! UGH!

Post # 7
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I like the PP’s suggestion to give her a job on the theory that she just wants to be more involved. Could it also be that she is somewhat insecure and feels that she will be judged by your guests/FI’s family for the decisions you make?  If so, maybe ask her what aspect she is most concerned about and give her that. If she thinks the food is most important, for example, allowing her to lead in that area should calm her down.

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