Post # 1
You ladies are clever, thought I’d ask you for help.
My Future Mother-In-Law frequently gets seizures induced by heavy/musky colognes and perfumes, even scented candles and air fresheners will sometimes set her off.
She just asked me to put something in our invitations asking guests not to wear colognes or perfumes the day of the wedding to try to avoid having to call the ambulance or her having to go lay down in the hotel room for the evening and miss her son’s reception…
The ceremony it outside, so hopefully with the breeze people’s scents will be worn down a bit, but inside the ballroom will be the problem.
I was thinking maybe a small card that says something about a "special request for our quests" to not wear perfumes and things to the wedding… but how do I word it without calling too much attention to her. I don’t want her to be self conscious about it that day either because I said something like Mother of the Groom gets seizures, but I want to word it strongly enough to make it memorable. How would you suggest going about putting something like that with your invitations?
Obviously, many people will probably forget about it by the day of or out of force of habit put it on. I’ve been guilty of forgetting on a few occasions when leaving to visit them and I’ve been with him for almost 4.5 years. I want to try to help with it as much as I can but I am really stuck on how to do this appropriately. Is it worth putting in the invite at all?
How would you handle this? Tiny Card insert with invitation suite? How to word it?
Post # 3
Definitely go with a little card and, if you’re doing a website, then put the note there as well. For wording, it’s going to be tricky. How about something along the lines of:
Special Request for our Guests
Many perfumes, colognes and other scented products can trigger seizures in a close family member. To ensure all our guests can enjoy the day, we respectfully ask that everyone please leave any personal scents at home. Thank you!
"Close family member" can probably be replaced with other language – an honored guest?
Post # 4
If you’re doing Out of Town bags, it would also be worth including the same note in those, or slipping notes under the guests’ hotel room doors. That should help the "force of habit" thing the weekend of the wedding.
Post # 5
Instead of "seizure" you could just call it a "very dangerous reaction".
Post # 6
Are you sending anything to the guests who rsvp "yes" – a packet about the weekend, hotel information, invitation to other weekend events?
if you are, I would include the no scent request on a small card in that information instead of the wedding invitation to minimize the number of people who see the request (will be less embaressing for your FMIL).
I would use the wording missm suggested. It’s very polite and I’m sure your guests will understand!
If you aren’t sending out anything after the invites, then definitely include it in your invitation suite. and btw, you are an awesome understanding FDIL!
Post # 7
Alcohol (the rubbing kind, not the drinking kind ) does a great job of neutralizing a heavy-handed perfume/cologne application. If you’re really worried that people will forget and spritz out-of-habit, you could include alcohol wipes (available at pretty much any drug store) in the bathroom amenities basket with a note. Hand sanitizer does the same thing.
Post # 8
Ok so here is what I came up with… I think this adresses the situation without being super demanding and scary.
A business card size insert that matches the invitation suite (in color/design/fonts) of course. 🙂 Because that’s the only way we brides know how… LOL.
Perfumes and colognes have been known to
cause severe allergic reactions in a member of our family.
We respectfully request that you avoid applying
these items the day of the wedding.
Thank you for your understanding,
FH & I
What do you think?
Post # 9
I would use missm’s wording with some slight modifications by changing "family member" to "honored guest." People will really have no idea who it is, which will probably deter any speculation.
I would leave in "seizures." I know lots of people who say they are allergic to perfume or cigarette smoke, but none has ever had a reaction like your FMIL’s, nary any reaction at all beyond some coughing. This has led me to greet the "allergic to perfume" line with some skepticism. So if I were a guest, I would take your request more seriously if I knew it would result in a specific reaction like a seizure than in an unspecified reaction that really might just be a cover story for a picky bride who hates the smell of cologne.
Maybe during the indoor event put a few tactful friends/family members who know about your FMIL’s condition already on scent patrol. Have them gently ask any offending guests to remove their perfume with the alcohol wipes in the bathroom. A sign in the bathroom would also be effective.
Post # 10
I would leave in "seizures," too, or change it to "life threatening allergic reactions." I know plenty of people who complain about scents or headaches from them, but that doesn’t always deter me from wearing perfume (usually because I forget). Knowing it would cause a life threatening reaction would probably get my attention a little more.
Post # 11
I think missm’s note with MissBanana’s "very serious reaction" is great. That way it will be slight less obvious it’s the MOG if she’s self-conscious.
You might also want to alert your bridal party and coordinator (if you have one). That way if they encounter a guest with strong perfume/cologne they could possibly ask them to avoid the MOG. I don’t think anyone would be insulted knowing that they could induce a seizure!
Post # 12
If you’re stressing over wording, you may want to ask Future Mother-In-Law how much she cares about people knowing it’s her. After all, it was her idea for you to include the note to begin with, so she may not care that much if people are aware of her condition. She can probably give you more guidance on how ‘neutral’ the wording should be.
Post # 13
I just walked by a co-worker with some strong perfume on and it made me wonder, how does she normally deal with scents on a day-to-day basis? Obviously she can’t avoid these smells everywhere. I think all the suggestions are great and you should do everything to prevent any strong smells, but is there something she could do as well? This seems very serious and I’m guessing she has spoken to her doctor and hopefully a specialist. Is there anything they have suggested?
Just trying to think of everything as it would be terrible if she had to miss any part of your fun day!
Post # 14
Funny you bring this up. One my way to class the other day I noticed a sign on the entrance. It said "This building is a voluntary fragrance free area."
Could you put in a small blurb saying "Kindly keep the wedding fragrance fee." ???
I don’t think everyone has to know exactly why nor is it necessarily any of their business.
Post # 15
Speaking as someone who is epileptic, I would definitely use the word "seizures". Include the URL of the Epilepsy Foundation if possible – get people informed!
I think that if you word it as an allergy, guests might not take it seriously.