- 3 months ago
Now that my new SO and I are official (as of last week, dating for about a month and a half now), when he talks about his 3 1/2 year old daughter, it’s gone from “if you meet her” to “when you meet her”. Of course, I assume that because we’re in a relationship, I will meet his daughter eventually (and if things continue to go well).
I’ve told him each time he mentions it that I will absolutely be thrilled to meet her at some point. There are two things that are musts to me, though, Bees, and I want to make sure I’m not being unreasonable, as I haven’t discussed the second with him.
1) It’s very important that his ex-wife be fully on board with their daughter spending time around me. They co-parent extremely well, and I don’t want to be the person to add friction to that situation. From what I can sense, he will be respectful of her wishes, and he’s not going to push. If I see that start to happen, though, I’m planning on saying something. I don’t want to act as though I don’t want to meet his daughter, but I can’t allow myself to become an issue.
2) He damn well better be sure that he’s serious about me before he puts his daughter or myself in that position. I can see it from his perspective– of course he wants to see how I interact with his daughter. It’s important. On the other hand, I don’t want any potential breakup to involve three sets of feelings rather than just two. So, while it may always be a possibility that things don’t work out, I’d like for both of us to be more sure than not that we’re headed toward a very long term relationship.
As to my first point, he is aware that I’m willing to wait until his ex is comfortable and that my goal is to avoid stepping on toes. I think he appreciates that I’m willing to be patient. On the second point, though, I think it’s kind of awkward to bring that up until we’re at a point where the meeting is more of a reality. No way to stress someone out more than to be like, “So, you’re serious about this, right? And like, how serious, because this meeting the kid thing is serious.” I’d like to think he’s perceptive enough to realize that this is a big deal, but… ?