Meeting him in person – tips, and how to avoid giving personal info too early?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee

People are trying to get to know you, but you can just answer vaguely. “Where do you work?” “A tech company”. And decline to give out your last name that’s fine. 

Meet in public places (coffee shops, etc.)

Post # 3
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Just tell them if you don’t want to share certain information. Good way to filter the douchebags. I didn’t even have a picture of my face on my profile and only sent one after I’d chatted to people a few times. 

I agree about meeting in public places. I also always let a friend know I was going out with somebody and told them I’d check in with them when I got home.

Some of my dates: cinema and bar afterwards, visit to a local museum and dinner, tour around town for a guy that was new – all public places, minimal booze. I like to stay sober until I get to know people.

I like to do dates that aren’t only about sitting around talking. That can get awkward. The museum date could have been great, we were there trying to impress each other with our rusty Latin skills which got us talking about school and university and trips to historical sites. Unfortunately the guy was seriously whiny. Cinema wasn’t bad either because it gave us something to talk about but I felt a bit like a teenager again. Exploring the town would have been great with a guy who had an ounce of interest in history and architecture.

Also: I never dressed up for those dates. Sure, I wore nice jeans but only very little make up, no cleavage etc. 

The date that got me my fiancé was him cooking steak for me – we had met online but I actually also knew him through mutual friends, so felt it was safe. I wore boyfriend jeans and a Game of Thrones shirt. He still loves that shirt lol.

Post # 4
Member
5126 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

People are just trying to get to know you. Last name and where you work are pretty standard get-to-know-you type things. Honestly, from the other side of things, I’d be pretty put off if a guy refused to give me any information about himself, like he was trying to hide something. That said, you’re free to be as vague and mysterious as you want. I will second the recommendations to always meet in a public place and let at least one person close to you know where you’re going and who you’re going to be with. Take your own car anywhere you go. For first dates, I think it is also good to start with something that could be short or long, like meeting up for coffee or drinks. If you don’t like them or don’t feel safe with them, you can make it short. If you do like them, you can grab dinner or do something else after. 

Post # 6
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I would tell them exactly what you’re telling us if you don’t want to give much information. It makes sense to me.

Date: So what’s your full name?

You: I prefer not to broadcast my last name due to work circumstances. Do you have any pets? [or some other topic changing questions]

Post # 7
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I agree with PPs about the public setting place, as well as the idea to pick a date/place that could be shortened or lengthened easily. Grabbing ice cream, cup of coffee, etc. can all be extended with a movie/dinner/walking around town, or if you’re uncomfortable and not having fun you can just leave after finishing.

Also agree with stephanie091512, if the date asks for your full name or where you work you can simply say “I work for a public services company doing x, and due to business reasons I don’t really disclose my full name right away.” I think most people will get the hint and not be super suspicious of that fact either.

Post # 8
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If someone asked my last name i’d go with the old standard “I’d tell you but then i’d have to kill you.”

As for where you work jus be general, they don’t need to know the exact place.

Post # 9
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I feel that in the very beginning a good guy will be ok with you not giving too many specifics. I met my husband online and he was understanding that women typically have to be more cautious in the dating world. I was clear in the beginning to not take it personal that I wasn’t giving out too much info. I had 2 daughters to protect aside from myself. I wanted to feel comfortable around him (in my mind I was thinking until I know you aren’t going to kill me). It was date 3 that I gave more specifics.

I wanted to say good for you on taking a break from dating. I think being ok and enjoying being single is something every woman should experience. I purposely did that for a year before started online dating and met my husband. I needed it and I am a better wife because of it.

Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

tiff89 :  That’s awesome! I took a break after 2 reeeeeally crappy relationships and one mediocre one. I didn’t trust myself to pick a good one. I was super picky online and pretty much scrutinized profiles for red flags. lol I also ran my, now husband, through friends and family for approval. They gave him a thumbs up and I sometimes wonder if they like him more than me now.

Post # 13
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wow, I’d be pretty weirded out if a guy I met online asked for my last name or exact place of business on a first date. How has this happened to you multiple times?? lol Anyway, I’d speak in generalities re. my job field (e.g., I work for a healthcare company) because I do think it is a legitimate question for to get to know each other better, but I would say that I don’t feel comfortable giving out my last name on a first date.

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