(Closed) meeting my FMIL for the first time, feeling antsy :(

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I would not worry about her trying to ruin your relationship now – that’s just going to make you crazy and unhappy. You say she’s always been a good mom and a good person, so she doesn’t sound like the kind of person who would do something like that. Since she doesn’t have a history of doing things like that, I don’t think you should expect it. She’s going to be part of your family now, so it’s not good that you’re already worrying about this…

If you can’t get over it, you might talk to your Fiance about it – he might be able to set your mind at ease and convince you not only that his mother isn’t out to get you, but also that he wouldn’t allow that to happen. If you have access to counseling or therapy, it might be useful to talk to someone about ways to put those irrational fears out of your head.

Honestly, if she tries to ruin your relationship, there are only two outcomes: either your relationship is strong and she fails, or it’s not as strong as you think it is, and she succeeds. Either way, there’s not much you can do about it before she even gets here. 

My advice is to try to focus on the things you like about her and enjoy your time together. Don’t look for warning signs or expect the worst of her. Instead, enjoy getting to know your Future Mother-In-Law and your kids’ future grandmother. Your future opportunities to spend time with her may be few and far between, so take advantage of this visit to start building your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

@linssi:  I don’t think it’s weird that you’re getting more nervous as the visit gets closer – that’s totally normal. Maybe your Fiance can give you some insight into what Future Mother-In-Law likes to do, so you can be prepared for the kinds of things you’ll do together and talk about. If you guys are already planning the wedding, that will give you a topic to bond over πŸ™‚

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