(Closed) Meeting online regrets

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I met my husband online. One of my best girlfriends met her husband online. I actually met said best girlfriend through weddingbee. And I just met a bunch of new girlfriends through Tumblr. They’re great gals whom I never would have met any other way.

So no, I think the stigma of meeting people online is definitely fading, if not almost completely gone.

That being said, I think your father would be more upset that you lied to him than if you had just told him the truth to begin with. It can be so hard to meet people these days- would he prefer you met your SO in a bar? At work? I think there’s stigmas attached to those things too.

At the end of the day, does your dad like your SO? If so, then why would it matter how you met?

I think it’s probably doing more harm than good to your relationship to keep lying about how you met… you can say all day long that you’re not ashamed of him, and I don’t think that you are, I just think you need to have an attitude change, because you’re making your SO think you’re ashamed. Sure, you met him online, but who cares? Obviously, you do. But would you have met him any other way? Probably not. And aren’t you thankful that you have him in your life? Time to focus on the positive (ie, the great guy in your life).

And when people ask me how I met Darling Husband, I say, “Through match.com, actually,” and not ONE person has ever thought negatively about that. In fact, it gives my single friends more of a reason to try it out, because they see how great it can work out.

 

Post # 4
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Its different now then it was 10 years ago, I think meeting online is like modern day matchmaker!  You may not be ashamed of your Boyfriend or Best Friend, but you are ashamed of how you met, you should be honest and proud, its not a big deal unless you got it from an odd or nasty site on line!

Post # 5
Member
5177 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I met my husband on e-Harmony. No regrets at all and we like to tell people we are an “e-Harmony couple”. If it was not for e-Harmony we likely would not have crossed paths and we feel so incredibly fortunate we did meet. For some reason people are often incredibly surprised as many still do have a negative view of online “meeting” and we are just awesome (ha ha). No one has ever said anything negative about it though.

 

I agree with Miss Root…hiding it and being ashamed of it is probably doing more harm than good. Besides, being honest would remove the stigma and possibly have people reconsidering their biases,

Post # 6
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

I have zero regrets about meeting my guy online. I wasn’t the first person he met online and pursued a relastionship with, and he wasn’t my first, either.

Honestly, thinking of everyone I know in a relationship or who has gotten married in the last few years, almost all of them met online. Even those I always think of as just having been together forever, many of them initially met online.

I think you should embrace it, and I can sympathize with your guy in this situation. It’s basically re-writing your story. It’s not just that you have to remember to lie to everyone you’re talking to, but you also now force him into lying about it to anyone you might have lied to.

I’ll be honest, I actually think your lie is far weirder than the real thing. Who goes to the mall and starts chatting up strangers looking for a date? I realize there are circumstances where that can happen, but it just sounds off. Meeting online usually involves communication that usually establishes if you have something in common.

With your dad, I realize this may be a sensitive issue. Now that you’ve lied to him, it’s going to be a much bigger issue if you ever do come clean. Before, your relationship was the chance to show him that not every one online is a scammer. Now, you’ve just shown that this relationship that transitioned from online to real life is once again rooted in a lie. Now, it’s not a big lie. He should get over it if you come clean and explain why you were afraid to trust him with that knowledge. However, it isn’t inappropriate for him to keep his concerns since he’s probably going to see it as this guy from online turned his baby girl into someone who feels like she has to lie to her friends and family about her real relationships.

Post # 6
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

we met on match.com in Feb ’09.  Dated for like a month…. and it was WEIRD….like he didn’t even kiss me for the first 3 weeks or so…. he was going away on a trip for a week and wanted to see me first…. I told him “it’s only a week… I’m sure you’ll be ok”…. Aaaannnd at that point…. it pretty much ended.  We both started dating other people. Life went on

A year and few months later…. my subscription to match was up and I saw his profile pop back up….. I emailed him just to say hi, and maybe have a buddy to hang out with through the summer (we’re both off).  The rest….. is history πŸ™‚ We’ve been together ever since- and never been happier….

Funny how people pop into your life and God makes sure the timing is right!

Post # 9
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Lacelibs:  I get wanting a cute “how we met” story. But doesn’t your story about how you met have some cute details?  For me, I always tell people about how I was late because I couldn’t find the restaurant, and how Darling Husband had to watch me walk back and forth like an idiot for five minutes. And then about how I saw him, and my heart stopped. How I knew after talking to him for three hours that he was The One. I also have saved every single match.com email that he sent to me, and we often bring up this totally dorky email that he sent me while he was on a trip to Mexico, right before we met. He sent it to me because he didn’t to “lose momentum” with me while he was gone. It’s seriously the dorkiest email ever, but it’s cute because of the meaning behind it.

My point is, I bet there are cute details, like the story about him kissing you for the first time, that are so sweet. Those are all part of your “story”.

I think with your dad, I can see how he would have had his concerns with the age gap. Telling him you met online obviously only would have fueled his concerns. I don’t have any advice for what you should do now that you’ve obviously been together for a long time. Maybe just sweep it under the rug, and if he ever finds out you could just be like, “Oh daddy, you were already so worried about the age difference that I didn’t want to make you worry any more about me.” I’m the baby of my family, and I used to pull that kind of stuff all the time. πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

No regret. I always told my mom about every online date. Mostly out of safety. πŸ™‚ If I disappeared I wanted at least one person to know where I was last. But after I met Fiance I immediately called home. There’s no stigma. There’s some old school misunderstanding. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t agree with you about someone and so long as you act weird about it they’ll think there is something wrong, there is still a stigma. Own it. If your dad still doesn’t like it- that’s his business. But you aren’t doing yourself or your Boyfriend or Best Friend any favors by hiding the information. Makes it seem like you’re ashamed even if you’re not.

Post # 11
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

I agree with Miss Root that just because your relationship started online means you don’t have a cute story.

People close to us love the story of how I met my guy because we met through blog comments. He actually started his own site just to get my attention since I thought his observations and insights were very impressive. Even when it comes to the real world where we met for the first time in person, people think it’s great that we met at the aquarium in early afternoon and then ended up shutting down the bar that night. In fact, the bar staff didn’t want to interrupt us from our date, so they actually closed down the entire place and didn’t burst our bubble until they actually had to leave themselves.

Just because you found him online doesn’t make your story any less sweet. While I agree that you’ve been telling the lies about how you met for so long at this point that you probably don’t need to randomly bring it up, I would suggest that you start being honest about it when it does come up. If my better half randomly started telling people a different story about our relatiosnhip, I’d be very hurt.

Post # 12
Member
5177 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@Miss Root:  Totally agree with having a cute story even if you met online. There are lots of great and cute memories from our first date. I would not change it even if I could! E-Harmony allowed us to meet but the rest of the story was all up to us! Even our online guided communication has very cute stories to it!

Post # 13
Member
4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am happy that I am with a great man and am in an amazing place.  That being said I don’t always feel comfortable sharing my how I meet story.  I feel as if it is ‘normal’ to meet you spouse at a bar or party or at work.  And when I tell people that we met on an online dating site I feel as if I failed at meeting someone in ‘real life’.  BUT in the end I am with a great, amazing man that I never would have met in real life.  

Post # 14
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not at all.  If it weren’t for Facebook, we probably would’ve never met through our mutual friend.

Post # 15
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I met my boyfriend on World of Warcraft, while neither of us have played for over two years it allowed us to meet on common ground where we both had mutual interests. Oddly enough, a friend we both had that played told each of us we would be perfect for one another but unfortunately neither of us were at the right time in our lives to take on a relationship with one another. Thankfully one year later, after we both quit the game, that same mutual friend kept pushing us to come visit him and so we ended up talking about it and then realized how comfortable we were with eachother and fell in love the first time we met. I adore him more then anything, and honestly.. I am SO thankful I wasted the time I did playing the game. : )

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