Meeting someone after 30

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 16
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

I ended a 10 year relationship when I was 27. It was really hard because there was a lot of good in that relationship, but we never really progressed beyong “boyfriend and girlfriend” and into a real adult partnership. I loved him a lot and he was my best friend, but I knew he was not the person I wanted to raise a family with. A lot of the anxiety I had about ending it was all of the time I had already put into the relationship and how old I was. 

I had short relationships here and there for the next few years, mostly with guys I met online. 

When I was 29 I met a man at an audition for a community theatre project (I do quite a bit of theatre outside of work). We had to read opposite each other and he was very confident and it was really attractive. We both ended up getting cast, but rehearsals didn’t start for months. By the time we started up, I was seeing someone I had met on bumble. 

I was 30 by then and he was 27. We chatted a lot while at rehearsal and would go out for drinks with the cast. We found out we had a lot in common beyond theatre. It became pretty clear (not just to me, mutual friends would comment on it) that he had a crush on me. Things weren’t really working out with the bumble guy. After that relationship fizzled, we had our closing night party and I just went for it and kissed him. We’ve been together ever since. 

I’m really glad I didn’t meet him 10 years ago. Even if I had been single, I wouldn’t have looked twice at him. He is really shy and into traditional nerdy stuff and with him being 3 years younger than me I wouldn’t have been interested. Now that I am older though, a lot of his really wonderful qualities are things that really matter to me. He knows what he wants as far as marriage and children, he has a successful career and is very giving of his time to his family, friends and charities. He doesn’t get awkward or start an argument if I want to talk about our future. 

I think a lot of women worry that if they are still single in their 30s they will get stuck having to settle for less than desirable guys. I completely disagree. I think as we get older a lot of the hidden gems that we ignored in high school and university start to appear. They are out there. 

 

Post # 17
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

That was significantly longer than I intended on it being

Post # 18
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

I spent my entire 20’s being with the wrong guy. We started dating as teenagers, at 25 we got married. What a mistake. Looking back, if we waited, things would probably would have been different. I was alone for a long time, sitting at home feeling sorry for myself as back then my friends all seemed happily married and were starting families. I knew online dating just wasn’t for me. A good friend of mine (a guy) was a serial online dater and he pretty much just used it for hookups or so it seemed. I didn’t want to be used. (He’s now dating our co-worker).

I ended up by chance meeting a newish neighbor of mine. (Not gonna lie, I thought he was hot) He did something very kind for my family and I wanted to thank him so I gave him a small thank you gift. He ended up leaving his business card on my car w/ his number saying if I ever needed something, feel free to call. Well, one night I decided to text him a thank you and the rest is history! (I was 32 when we met, now 40). He’s the best husband a girl could ask for. 

I have always seemed to find guys when I wasn’t looking. It was when I was looking, I had no luck finding a good guy. 

Post # 19
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

Met him after I turned 30 on POF. Online definitely helps weed out the garbage!

Post # 20
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

XH and I separated when I was 28, and I met my current SO shortly after. It was completely by chance and neither of us were looking for a relationship (we met through mutual friends). I did the Tinder/Bumble thing for a while but never made it past one or two dates with anyone. I found online dating to be exhausting, with very little reward for the effort put in.

Post # 21
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I met my fiancé online when we were both 30 and then soon turned 31. We’re 32 now and our wedding is next month 

Post # 22
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I met my husband online when we were both 28 and we got married at 30, but honestly I feel extremely lucky to have found him and fallen in love so quickly. It’s a crapshoot in a lot of ways and I was starting to think I might never find someone I wanted to spend my life with – and I was starting to be okay with that. I think that attitude actually helped me when I was doing lots of online dating. My best tip is to figure out exactly who you are and get comfortable with it, and let the guys you date see that person up front. Saves time and energy, and you want someone who wants you for who you really are.

If you don’t want to do online dating, I would join meetup groups or get a somewhat social hobby. Or a dog. Anything that gets you out there.

Post # 23
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

mrsptobe2017 :  Yes to all of this. 

OP, this sounds really cliché but you need to get to a place where you are happy being single. It took me a long time to get there, maybe 2 years? By the time I met SO and we had our first date I was so happy with my single life I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give it up. He and I were “just dating” for a LONG time before I was ready to declare myself in a relationship. Not because I thought something better would come along, but because I was really happy with my life as it was

Post # 24
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

No firsthand experience but I noticed your username and just have to say if I had to go on a manhunt (lol) a ski resort would be my first stop. Go treat yourself to the sickest sexiest outfit/gear you can find, get a season pass and hit that singles line every weekend – and of course the apres-ski bars, hot tubs etc. That’s also what my dad tells my aunt for dating advice haha. I’m introverted and not good at chatting up strangers so I sympathize with that, but I think it’s easier in a vacation type setting where everyone’s kinda loosened up and there to have fun. Plus like, worst case scenario you still have a nice ski weekend haha.

Post # 25
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I hate this sentiment that if you’re not married by 30 its hopeless and life is over. I met my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) after getting out of a 7 year relationship. I was early 40s! OVER FORTY! LOL. Most of my friends are on their 2<sup>nd</sup> relationships and met their significant others after 40, as their first marriages are all ending now (the 40s seems to be the time for it unfortunately). I feel like online dating gives you limitless possibilities, and I have never even used it.  I did the same as what you’re saying, worked on me, got involved in hobbies and I chose not to date for a year (I wanted to be over my ex). I did get asked out, I think maybe because I am super outgoing and friendly so maybe you’re right about since you’re reserved they read that as not interested? I happened to meet my boyfriend at the gym and he even said he liked how friendly I was. So I think just participating in life, through work events, I work in a very small office but I attend seminars and networking events, and my hobbies are more male dominated I think so I met men that way too, just get involved and be open, be open to all opportunities, I feel like you need to put out a vibe that you’re available and interested.

Also, Don’t set ridiculous standards I have seen women on here and my friends “in real life” saying they’re still single but they have this long list of what they ‘need’ for a man to have to consider them. My sister is like this, she has this list of all these things like over 6′ tall, can’t be “blue collar”, has to have a college education…  You have to be a little flexible, nothing is perfect. My perfect guy has 2 youngish children. I had just gotten out of a relationship where I helped raise my ex’s 2 kids for 7 years, I swore I wouldn’t do it again, but here I am, in love with him and his 2 children and happier than I have ever been. Be open, look for opportunities, be flexible. Don’t just not go out with a guy because “he’s not over 6’ ” or something, be open, give people a chance  

Post # 28
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Fiance and I met when we were in our late 20s through mutual friends. We hit it off in a flirty way, but were both dating other people, and I stopped hanging out with that crew, so nothing happened. Two years later, at age 31, after we were both out of our old relationships, we remet through the Bumble app. We matched and instantly picked up right where we had left off years ago. We’ll be married this summer.

several of my girlfriends have had great luck with tinder and hinge as well. 

30 is definitely not too old to find someone! 

Post # 29
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I spent my 20s making bad decisions, and was practically single for about 8 years. I say practically because there were 3 men in that interim that I dated, but none of those relationships lasted longer than 6 months. I stopped worrying about men, I focused on my career, and traveled with my sister to places I’d always wanted to see (memories that will never be tainted by some dude I wasted my time on).

Then, at 32, I met my fiance on a train leaving Grand Central station in NYC. I’ve learned with him that there is no such thing as perfect, just what’s perfect for me. We compliment each other’s strengths and weaknesses, we’re there when it counts, and best of all, he’s turned out to be a great dad to our son. We’ve been together 5, living together for 3 years, and it took him until this year to propose. I’m now 37.

I always thought I should have a timeline for when all these things should happen, but that’s nonsense. We’re doing it all backwards, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Your best friend is worth waiting for, don’t settle for less than someone who makes you happy, and never doubt that you are worth it! My advice is to stay open to the possibilities, and don’t be afraid to try new things while making the most of your life.

Post # 30
Member
448 posts
Helper bee

I got lucky also. I met my fiancé on tinder. We were both looking for serious relationships/marriage and he’s exactly who I prayed for. I met him at age 33. I spent my 20s dating abusive guys who gave me amazing children, but lots of mental stress and heartache. Life is so much better with the right guy! 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors