Post # 1
For the past 5 years, Fiance, with the skills of a diplomat, has avoided his ex-wife (and mother of his 6 year old) and I from having to engage in any sort of contact. As 6 year olds have virtually no filter and her daughter and I are close, I’m sure she knows plenty about me. I also have a one-of-a-kind first name and a facebook so I’m pretty easy to spot. 😉
Saturday is their daughter’s dance recital and I am so excited! However, one thought keeps looming in my head- the ex will be there.
I know it’s silly, but I’m nervous. I think Fiance has been scared for this day to come because he knows that I’m friendly and have class, but won’t hesitate to tactfully put someone in their place if they serve me with attitude. In the 3 years that Fiance and I have lived together and I’ve been close with thier daughter, the ex has never asked to meet me, so I can’t think think she is interested in us becoming bio-mom and step-mom BFF’s.
Anyone been through this? Advice? Suggestions?
Post # 3
Wow, I’m amazed you’ve gone so long without meeting her! This is going to be the beginning of a lifelong relationship so I hope everything works out alright!
Post # 4
@rubybride718: How would you feel about calling her and organising to meet up the day before or something for a coffee? Get the awkward moment out of the way before her daughter’s special day. When you do meet her I’d suggest a bit of bigging-up what a great daughter she has and how proud she must be etc…
Post # 5
Hope for the best! My ex’s new wife and I get a long fine. We will never be BFF’s but there is no bad feelings at all.
Post # 6
@rubybride718: I haven’t been through it yet but I’m sure it will happen sooner or later. I hope everything goes smoothly for you, good luck!
Post # 7
I told Fiance when we moved in that if his ex wanted to meet me, I’d definitely be open to doing lunch with her. However, his ex never wanted to meet me so there went that idea.
Although they are civil for their daughter and she does a very good job keeping him involved in her life, their relationship can be very volitile. They dated for 7 years, married for one, and 3 months after she had their daughter, she said she wanted a divorce, so the divorce was very messy. I think he has wanted to keep me out of their drama for as long as possible especially since he is not particularly fond of her as a person.
Post # 8
I cannot believe you have gone this long without meeting her. It would be ideal for you two to meet in person before hand and get the awkwardness out of the way but if she’s not open to it then just be as nice as possible. Its just as hard on her as it is on you maybe even harder.
I’m the ex and I’m the new wife to be. I think meeting my ex’s new girlfriend was pretty hard, I knew this was someone who was going to be aroung my kids, probably knew some pretty intitmate details about me etc.
Meeting the ex was fine, we said hi shook hands and that was it for me, at least for an introduction. I do have to see her almost everyday due to the kids but it’s a civil relationship. I am the same as you I carry myself with class but have no problem putting someone in their place. After two years I’ve never had a confrontation with her.
Post # 9
It seems a bit odd to me that the mother would not want to meet you before now given you spend so much time around her daughter. Good luck though – hope it goes well!
Post # 10
Well here’s the update:
When we walked up to her and my future step daughter (FSD?) she wouldn’t even look at me. She chatted with Fiance for a bit while and I was saying congrats to FSD and then Fiance and I kept moving along to use the restroom.
When we went past them again, FSD came right up to me and jumped in my arms as the ex turned in the other direction, again not making any eye contact. As soon as I knew I could she could see me in her peripheral vision I reached out my hand and said “Hi, I’m ______, I’ve heard so many nice things about you from FSD” I was greeted fakely and she made some small talk about how FSD says nice things about me, too. Then Fiance and I went back to our seats.
I mean I’m not expecting to be BFF’s with this woman but come on, don’t ignore me like I’m not there. We BOTH want what’s best for your daughter. I’m not trying to take your daughter and not for nothing, but you’re the one who ended the marriage, so I never took your man either.