(Closed) Meeting with our sponsor couple for a compatibility test…

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have never heard of this!  I’m not Catholic though…I just opened your post because it sounded interesting 🙂  So what do you use the test results for?  To work through stuff?  They wouldn’t tell you not to get married would they…I hope not!

Post # 4
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

The FOCCUS test isn’t really a compatibility test, it’s really just a test to determine if you’ve talked about certain important issues. For example, there might be a question like “We have decided on how we will manage our finances after marriage” with options of “Agree, Disagree, Don’t know”. If you disagree or don’t know, it’s probably a good thing to talk about before the wedding.

Also, it’s 176 questions but you won’t fill out all of them. Some questions are for people who were previously married, some are for people who live together, and some are for interfaith marriages. I guess you could qualify for all sections, but most people don’t.

Even if you have to take all 176 questions, the test shouldn’t take any more than an hour. All questions are “Agree/Disagree/Don’t know”.

Post # 5
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It didn’t take us more than an hour to do this.

Post # 6
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We took the FOCCUS test yesterday and it took me all of 15 minutes, Fiance took about 20. Our deacon who was there giving it to us said technically you could fail but it is highly unlikely. I guess if you do fail that should be a huge red flag anyway!

Don’t stress out and let us know how it goes!

Post # 7
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@CatholicBee: great synopsis.

our FOCCUS only took about 30-45 mins. there’s absolutely nothing to be nervous about! it’s almost like taking a personality quiz. we sat in the same room when we took it and were kind of chuckling at some of the questions because we’d already talked about most of the issues. i was actually kind of looking forward to taking it! we chit chatted about it on the car ride back to my house and we enjoyed it and already started discussing some of the things we’d answered “not sure” on.

Post # 8
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Is this only for catholics? I keep trying to find pre-marital counceling for us but I am Christian he is Jewish and I need something that can help us walk through both.

Post # 9
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree, our FOCCUS “quiz” only took each of us about 30 minutes at the most. It really is like a personality test and to see what you’ve talked about in your relationship. It also seems to restate a lot of very similar questions throughout to keep you on your toes. :o)

Don’t be nervous, you’ll be fine!

@kfricke89: We’re Catholic and it’s a part of our marriage classes, also we are going to an 8 hour marriage seminar this Saturday that is required by our state Archdiocese. Have you spoken to your pastor, or maybe someone affiliated with his faith about what to do? Who is officiating your wedding?

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@kfricke89:I would ask the pastor or rabbi at each of your places of worship if they know any couples in a similar relationship. Though it wouldn’t be formal counseling it would probably be really helpful to learn what challenges they had merging their faiths, dealing with family, raising children etc…

Post # 11
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Is the FOCCUS mandatory? We already did pre cana, and we had our one on one (or one on two?) with the deacon, where he went through the baptism certificates and asked us whether we want kids, how long we’ve known each other, etc. Nobody ever mentioned anything about FOCCUS.

Post # 12
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ya, the FOCCUS is pretty much mandatory to the best of my knowledge. 

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

The FOCCUS test is not required to get married.  I think it’s very strongly recommended that the parish uses it, but they do not have to (particularly when the marriage prep is for people who have been together for a very long time).

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