(Closed) Meeting with priest

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
3785 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think your reasons for waiting are valid. It sounds like he’s totally fine with it too, but was just giving you “food for thought”. Don’t let it discourage you! If you stick with your original plan you will be fine. I think wanting to have your families there to celebrate with you is a perfectly legitimate reason to wait a bit! It will all work out… Promise!

Post # 4
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s his responsibility to make you aware of those things and he does have a point. Ultimately it’s your decision he just wants you to consider to religious aspects and the actual meaning of marriage. Our pastor wouldn’t even marry us if we lived together. 

Post # 5
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

I’m not Catholic and know nothing about Catholic doctrine on this point, but in the bible, there is plenty of precedent for spiritual marriage.  That is, being married in your hearts without the pomp and circumstance.

It seems to me that though you haven’t had the wedding, you have been living as married for a long time.  I don’t think there’s anything sinful in that.  You can formalize that commitment through the church, but if the commitment is already made between the two of you, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 6
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you have begun to feel convicted about sleeping together and living together outside of marriage now that you’ve had a chance to discuss your situation with your priest, would you and your Fiance be willing to consider making some very dramatic and inconvenient changes in your circumstances to accommodate your concerns?

If getting married now is completely out of the question for you and your Fiance, would you be willing to stop being sexually active with each other and have your Fiance agree to sleep at his parents’ home (if they live in the area) or that of another close friend or family member from now until after you’re married? Obviously, because of your son, your Fiance would need to continue to spend a great many waking hours at your home so that he would be very present in the raising your child.  However, if an option such as this were available, it may provide a viable solution to bridge the gap between now and your planned wedding date.

Post # 8
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This really depends on the priest

Our one here told us “well, living together isnt ideal but at least youre getting married and i can see in your situation its a bit complicated.Confess before the wedding and dont sin afterwards’ which i was a bit surprised by

Our Destination Wedding priest questioned why it had taken so long (2.5 years together) to get  married and told us we were terrible for living together. My husband came out of confession looking like hed been hit by a train!!

Sounds like your one was quite kind, evem though he pointed out it would be better in terms of the church to do it sooner. 

And of course you are good enough to get married church =) its great that yiu are getting married!

Ignore typos please my giant fingers dont like my tablets touch screen

Post # 9
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m actually worried for my own future meetings with the priest due to my somewhat similar situation. My Fiance and I have been together for a little over 5.5 years and we live together. It is just the two of us (no child), but obviously living together and not living the pure life, I am in a similar situation. Our wedding is also in August of 2014.

My parents (my mom mainly, dad supports her – as he should) are very traditional catholics. So when I told my mom we were going to move in together she was very upset and sad. She basically said that we should elope and get married before moving in together. She didn’t understand why we would wait until 2014. So my own mother pretty much said the same thing that your priest said! It hurt me a lot, especially coming from my mom. 

I’m finishing up grad school in May and starting a full time job in September. So right now my Fiance is the only one working full-time so it isn’t as easy to save tons of money for a large wedding (which we will pay for most of). So for us, it came down to finances to push the wedding to August 2014. We want to be able to save as much money as possible. And living together just makes sense for our relationship. I am a firm believer that you should live together before marriage. I will say one thing; I always wanted to share myself with one man and one man only! We may not have waited until marriage, but I waited until I knew he was the man for me. Each of us has only shared this with each other, which is still very special for us! (Unfortunately, the Catholic faith doesn’t care about that.)

With all that being said, I am a bit scared for what our priest will say when he hears about us. It makes me nervous! The Fiance and I even had a conversation trying to figure out what we will say; to tell the truth or to lie? We decided we would tell the truth because there is no point in hiding anything. 

Sorry I don’t have advice or anything. I just wanted to share my similar story! 

Post # 10
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with this! I can imagine after having a son together and living together, it would be difficult to reconcile your desire to marry in the Church. I think chastity is difficult for anyone, especially if you’ve been intimate, but I do think chastity is for everyone. There is a difference between abstinence, not having sex, and chastity, the presence of love, virtue, and desiring the greatest good for your future-husband and self. Abstinence says NO, while chastity says yes…. to love.

If you’ve been away from the Church for a while, it might be good to ask yourself why you want to get married in the Church. Your priest is right. It’s about the sacrament, not about the sentiment or a party. You might also want to use the opportunity to study the Church’s teachings on sexuality, especially Theology of the Body. Chastity is much more about not having sex, there’s understanding the whole purpose of sex, with its inseparable components of union and procreation, grounded in love and sacrifice. If you’re getting married, but planning on staying on the pill, etc. it puts you right back into sin (I’m just assuming). Obviously, having knowledge is required for it to be a mortal sin. It might be a good time to learn about Natural Family Planning. 

You could take the easy way out, justify that you’re already “spiritually married” or that no one follows the Church’s teachings so it’s not a big deal, but having the joy and peace of living God’s plan for your life and being able to live the Christian life, with God’s grace, as a model for your families and son, would be an incredible blessing. Can’t say enough good things about the sacrament of confession and the Eucharist! We are all sinners and need grace. You could tihnk about it as a temporary “Josephite marriage,” the kind of marriage Mary and Joseph shared. 

“Sexuality, sacrifice, and love”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOK0q4XX1YM

Beautiful words on Catholic marriage! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2fcNFHDzAE 


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