(Closed) Meltdown in 3…2…1

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Downtown 202

First of all, BREATHE! And if you can, take a sick day from one (or both) of your jobs — anything to get a few hours of downtime to just relax and do something fun for yourself. If you can, have your “sick day” coincide with when your BFF and sister come into town so you can hang out with them, if they can help you relax.

You’re SO CLOSE to being done with the wedding, and it’s totally normal to be freaking out right now. I won’t tell you not to be stressed because planning a wedding IS stressful. But it WILL all come together and it will be lovely. And when it’s over, you’ll be married and won’t have to plan anymore!

ETA: When I say, “If you can, take a sick day,” I mean “if you can financially afford to.” Not, “if your boss will let you.” You’re a week out from the wedding, take the day off whether they want you to or not.

Post # 4
1736 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you have lots of stress that’s completely unrelated to your wedding…so that combined with the normal stress that comes with the project we call “wedding planning” is no small feat. It sounds like you need to take a time out for yourself. Does your work offer EAP services – could you find out and see about finding a local therapist? Honestly, my best friend is my psychologist. I feel like everyone should have one on speed dial. It’s a person that I can just vent and bitch to…and I’m paying them (or rather, my insurance is) so they have to listen!

Take some time out for yourself. When you get home, set aside an hour that is wedding-free, drama-free personal time for you to reflect, digest and relax. Make some tea, throw in a favorite movie, pick up a book and just take a time out. It sounds like you might just need a “planning hiatus.” Don’t feel bad about the feelings you are having…it’s perfectly normal! But don’t ignore them either…that will just snowball and you’ll be in for an epic meltdown!

Finally – don’t discount your wedding day. I know it seems overwhelming right now and all the things that you are dealing with today aren’t allowing you to focus on the reasons why you wanted the wedding in the first place. You have to allow yourself time to reflect on the happy and positive outcomes! You and your Fiance deserve to have this big day…don’t tell yourself anything different! 🙂

Post # 5
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

take some sick days.  You’ve been doing the work of 4 people – let them pick up the slack while you’re gone.

Post # 6
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

what field do you work in where your boss is able to get away with not hiring new people, and allowing your coworker to clearly underperform? Can you tell your boss that you are taking x days off around the wedding, if they need coverage that they’ll need to count on your coworker for it? WHy does he keep approving her vacations and not saying anything about working short hours?? I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 7
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Take a day off to just relax, and get some time to yourself. no wedding stuff, no work things, throw all your worries out the window for one day. Go get a massage, get your hair done, a mani & pedi, go shopping. Whatever you need to do to destress, go do it now. 

Post # 8
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs. Hyena:  This.

Breathe. Every once in a while, give yourself one minute – I mean literally 60 seconds – to close your eyes and do nothing but breathe in and out. It’s okay for 60 seconds to pass without you being busy doing or fixing something and nothing will fall apart. 

Then, start handing things over to other people to do. At this point before my wedding, I had to announce to everyone in my life that all suggestions would be accepted as implicitly volunteering to do whatever was being suggested. 

Tell your sister and bff when they arrive that you are totally overwhelmed and desperately need their help. They’ll pitch in to start taking stress away from you. I promse you they want to help. They do not expect to be entertained by you during their visit. They’re coming to help.

And for work, announce that you will work at your best pace to do what you can, but work that doesn’t get done is not your responsibility. As long as you’re killing yourself to get the work of 4 other people done, they have no incentive to hire/pay people to do it instead of you. Girl who keeps leaving? Don’t do anything that’s hers to do. Let it go undone. As far as she’s concerned, why would she do her work if you’re going to do it for her? If it doesn’t get done, someone will notice.

You’re probably way too stressed right now to really communicate with your Fiance, so try to calmly give him small, specific things to do. Tell him: If you could do this one thing today, it would really help me be less stressed. He’s probably feeling overwhelmed right now, too, and isn’t sure how to deal with that. 

Good luck – hope this all gets better.

Post # 9
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

delegate! make two lists ‘must do myself’ ‘other people can help’ if you’re like me, the 2nd list won’t be very long, but even if there are 5 things to do, ask others to take it on.

if you don’t feel that they can do big things, give little jobs. ‘call and confirm hall/flower delivery/officiant’ kind of thing.

have a serious sit down with your Fiance. Tell him you need more help. period. if he’s crazy busy too, then maybe he can only do 3 things for you this week, but try and give him a few things.

then, have a serious sit down with your boss. tell him that your level of stress at work is totally unhealthy and affecting your life outside of work. tell him that in order for you to feel comfortable with this as your workplace, you need to see that there is effort being made to replace the four who left. ask for timelines; when will they be advertising the position? at what point would they like the new hire to start? make it clear to them that ‘the situation in the office now is not something that you’re interested in long term – what steps are being made to rectify these issues?’

if it’s possible, hire people to do some things for you! buy a groupon for a few hours of housecleaning, and then that’s off your list! hire a kid down the street to walk your dog/mow your lawn/ rake your leaves this weekend. use that time to do more urgent things.

i find that writing it all down on paper leaves my head less stressed, because i know where to find my ‘to do’ list and i’m not wracking my brain at 2 am.

Post # 10
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@serendipity9.8:  Oh my.  First of all, although it won’t really help, (((HUGS))).

I have not been in your exact situation, but I’ve certainly been extremely stressed, especially the week before my wedding, and, I agree, it’s not fun at all. I wish I/we could help you in some way, but, unfortunately, all we can do is listen to your heart, care about you, sympathize with you, and try to offer you some words of comfort or advice. 

As someone who tried to do WAY too much before my own wedding (my house was on the market and had to be perfect and show-ready at all times; I planned nearly every detail of my wedding myself, since my then-FI lived in another state and my mom lived five hours away; and I had a demanding job and only took off two days before my wedding) and who, for whatever reason thought it would be a good idea to have a semi-destination wedding, requiring me to make a three-hour round trip to my venue from my town on the day before the wedding for the rehearsal and on the day of my wedding, while having all kinds of salon appointments in MY TOWN on both of those days, and whose car suddenly would not start on the day before my wedding, requiring me to call both AAA and a rental-car company just so that I could make it to my own rehearsal in the other city, I definitely can sympathize with you in a case where time is closing in, and you feel as if you cannot possibly do all that you need to do.

The only words of advice I can offer you are, to the best of your ability, try to get some rest when you can. I ended up getting very little sleep for the three or four days before my wedding (maybe three hours the day of my wedding, as I was up until the wee hours finishing packing for my honeymoon), and I started to get sick on my wedding day and was sick (sore throat, swollen glands, runny nose, aches), during the first part of my honeymoon. To the extent that you can get some sleep, even if you have to give up something that you otherwise wanted to do, please try to do it. You don’t want to be sick on your wedding day or on your honeymoon.

Also, to the extent that you can try to force yourself to slow down enough to enjoy the special moments that will happen during the next week, please try to do that. Because I ended up being hours late for my salon appointments and had to deal with getting a rental car, etc., and I barely made it to my rehearsal, I was in a pretty stressed-out state about everything by the time I arrived at my venue, and I didn’t really get to enjoy my rehearsal or interacting with wonderful people whom I rarely see and who traveled from other states to be part of our bridal party. 

Also, the restaurant for our rehearsal dinner completely changed what they had planned to do for us, and I nearly had a meltdown at my rehearsal dinner, which ended up not being held in the front of the restaurant as previously arranged but instead ended up taking place in a long line of banquette seating in front of the kitchen and along the area leading to the restrooms. It was SO not what I had envisioned, and I was so upset and stressed out about that that I almost missed interacting with my friends and family at the dinner. (As an aside, I should note that I am so grateful to and thankful for two wonderful, precious, Godly women in my life who spoke words of wisdom to me at that moment so that I was able to embrace what was, and try go with the flow, despite my disappointment.)

Finally, because of all sorts of things, some of which I’ve already mentioned, including the long distance between my salon and my venue — and, because of very heavy, holiday weekend traffic — I was more than an hour late to my venue on the day of the wedding, and we didn’t have the opportunity to take many of our pictures prior to our ceremony as we had planned.  As a result, Darling Husband and I ended up missing our entire cocktail hour and a large part of our own reception having pics taken, most of which did not even turn out well. We never even ended up having the opportunity to greet or say goodbye to the majority of our guests. 

I was utterly devastated that the big events for which I had spent a lifetime waiting and for which I had spent 11 months planning and preparing turned out to be so extremely stressful and rushed, and, as a result, disappointing.  I don’t want to see that happen to any other brides, and that’s one of the reasons I joined WB after my wedding — to help others avoid what happened to me.

So, despite the extremely stressful, time-pressured situation in which you find yourself, I encourage you to do whatever you can to try to savor and enjoy the special moments that await you next week. You don’t want to miss them, and you don’t want to be sick during them.

Again, HUGS!!   

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