(Closed) Meltdowns about pending engagement

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you have a Waiting Engagement Meltdown?

    Yes, I freaked out!

    No, didn't let it bother me

    Sorta, I came close but hid it well

  • Post # 3
    359 posts
    Helper bee

    He doesn’t think other women do it because other women do it in private…and then vent to the Bees!

    Post # 4
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Ok wait, is May 12, 2012 your actual date?  And he’s already purchased the ring, he just hasn’t given it to you yet?  If both of those things are true, you may need to back off a bit.  He can’t make the jeweler get the ring ready any faster than he is, you know?  If the two of you have chosen a date and the ring has been purchased, a proposal is sure to follow, so it’s not a matter of “if” it’s a matter of “when.”  Continual pressure under those circumstances is not going to result in anything good.

    I agree that laughing at you is a total jerk move, though.  That’s the absolute WORST thing a man can do when his woman is upset.  They really need to teach that in “man school.”

    Post # 5
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    He should take a look at the Bee to see that waiting is more common than he thinks! I don’t know how old you are but the reason I think waiting is harder for women is because they have their biological clock to keep in mind of.  I’m 27 and although I don’t want to have kids right now I knew that we had to get this show on the road with my Fiance if we wanted to have some someday.  Otherwise I would have to start over, and dating and falling in love takes years, which need to be taken account of.  Guys just don’t get that.  Another thing that might affect a guy’s timing is whether he has guy friends or brother who are already married.  If he’s the first one out of the bunch I think he might not feel as much pressure to get engaged.

    I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with your BF.  It was really mean that he laughed at your face.  🙁  As great as the Bee is, it’s really sad reading all the wedding posts when you’re not actually engaged.  Maybe you should take that time off from wedding related stuff to get your mind off it.

    Post # 6
    8734 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I had a meltdown the less than 1 week before my Fiance proposed.


    He had agreed to a time line where he would propose by the end of August 2010. Well the last weekend in August came and went with no proposal. So Sunday night, despite trying really hard not to, I completely broke down.

    Ugly tears, the whole deal. He said he was sorry, but he just couldn’t get everything together and time and to trust him. The following Friday (labor day weekend) he proposed after a wonderful dinner out.

    Turned out that during my melt down the ring was SITTING IN THE CLOSET in our bedroom.

    My Fiance is NOT a planner at all either. But he did a fantastic job planning a proposal. I agree with others, stop talking about ANYTHING wedding related. Try to go back to how you were before you got wedding fever. Remind your bf why he wants to marry you and who it was he fell in love with (not this new overly emotional marriage-obsessed person).


    Good luck!

    Post # 7
    1576 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I agree with previous posts… laughing is not a good thing for him to do when you’re upset.  It only make things worse.  I don’t know what rock he’s been hiding under, because there’s tons of women out there that are waiting and very upset about it.  Just because he isn’t privy to what goes on behind other people’s closed doors, doesn’t mean that he should make assumptions about it.

    I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, sweetie.  I know it must be hard to come on here because there’s SO many engagements happening left and right.  It gets hard for me sometimes too.  Hang in there.

    Post # 8
    3306 posts
    Sugar bee

    I had a meltdown about a week ago which resulted in me finding out there is a ring under the tree but not an e-ring. The meltdown actually ended up helping us out, since I knew there wasn’t a e-ring coming soon, I was able to put it out of my mind and we had a GREAT Christmas Day together with our families.

    Sometimes a meltdown is needed in my option as the build up of emotions is just too much and need to be released. If they are released to your SO, then hopefully it will encourage engagement talks and help him get on the same page as some men are really affected when they see their SO hurt. I would be concerned if you had continual meltdowns as those would not be healthy. Think of a meltdown like a volcano- once it erupts, it tends not to show up again until some time has passed.

    Post # 9
    302 posts
    Helper bee

    Oh girl, I TOTALLY feel your pain! I used to love watching all the wedding shows and I shocked myself when I had to change the channel!  I have trouble getting on here at times, too! I think my BF thought i was the only one to have meltdowns, too. I think it is totally fair of me to have had mine–It was 4 1/2 years before I had my first one. I could have done it at 2 years, 2 1/2, 3, etc, but I DIDNT!! He is lucky I was patient as long as I was! I dont think I did anything wrong by letting him know how I feel.

    We have gone ring shopping and there have been a few times when we have had discussions and he tried to say that we maybe shouldn’t have done it together, that he should have just gone out and gotten one. Well yes, maybe he should have, bc THEN WE WOULDNT BE IN THE SITUATION WE ARE IN!!! (I.e. me getting so pissed about waiting). Usually this is brought on by the fact that I don’t think I will be surprised and that some of the fun might be ruined by me knowing so much ab our impending proposal. I do feel this way, but at this point I just want to be engaged to the love of my life and I don’t care if I am surprised or not, although it does make me sad that I missed out on what most girls get (the surprise factor).

    So to answer your question, YES! I have felt like this, you are definitely NOT alone!!!

    Post # 11
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Yes, I had several meltdowns. Only after the fact did I realize I should have been a teeeny tiny bit more patient b/c my constant freak outs only upset both me and him.

    Post # 12
    4801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I just had one recently…I wrote a post called “I did the ugly cry last night :(” LOL.  It’s really hard.  It’s great that he has the ring, mine does too, but I think that kind of ups the waiting anxiety in some weird way.  I thought it would be the opposite but for me it’s kind of worse! 

    Post # 13
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    I had such a bad meltdown that he stormed out of the apartment, went down to the basement, came back up with the ring and proposed…Yikes!

    Post # 14
    4801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @trailmix:  Haha that’s awesome!  I kinda wish that would happen to me!

    Post # 15
    14 posts
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I had a meltdown (tears and all) about 2 days before he proposed.  Turns out he had the ring for a few days already and had it all planned, which explains why he was so calm and collected when I was upset (at the time, it just made me really mad!).  Oh the things us girls go through! 

    Post # 16
    620 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I completely freaked out, more than once… You are not alone!!!

    I freaked out a week before he proposed – but he had been planning to propose on our 5 year anniversary!

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