(Closed) memorial during wedding

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe you could have a photo of his Dad on a chair for the ceremony or in the reception room.

You could have his dad’s picture printed onto fabric and sewen on the inside of his suitjacket so his Dad is by his side all day.

Post # 3
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The photo charm on his boutonniere is a great idea. My mom passed away 3 years ago and I had a charm on my bouquet.

I also had a memory bouquet made to place in what would have been her seat at the ceremony along with a framed picture.

For the reception we had a small table with framed photos of all our loved ones who had passed with a sign that said “we know you would be here if heaven wasn’t so far away”

Im not sure about including any words during the ceremony but thats just me and everyone feels differently. The ceremony is about you 2 and your love.

Maybe something could be said at the reception, maybe have the dj say something and play his favorite song. something subtle. after all his father wouldn’t want everyone to be sad and be mourning him during what should be the happiest day for you 2. He wants you to celebrate your new life together!

Post # 4
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

geesfern86 :  My FI’s father passed away what will be 13 months before our wedding. His dad was a wonderful character and would totally be annoyed with any tradtional “memorial” methods. We’re lighting a candle at the front of the church and will have a note in the program dedicating it to him. 

More importantly, we’re dedicating the first “dance dance” of the night to him by playing his favorite song and asking everyone to dance with us in his honor. He would love to know he’s starting the party and he’s the center of attention. So we’re doing what we feel like he would want.

Post # 5
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I think a boutonniere charm is a lovely, subtle, way to remember him. I’ve also seen people attach really pretty heart-shaped patches to the backs of their ties with a few special words stitched or written on.

Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think leaving an empty chair is kinda morbid. I think it’s best to not cross into the 2nd funeral zone by making it very subtle, something you two and people close to him will understand, but won’t make the mood somber. We’re mentioning my late grandpa in the programs but that will be it. My dad still gets upset about his death years later, so we don’t want to bring the mood down but still mention him in a small way. The photo charm is a great idea

Post # 7
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

geesfern86 :  if your Fiance still is so emotional about it (and I certainly don’t blame him), do you think he would want a public display of his father’s memory on what is supposed to be a happy day? I don’t think I’d surprise him with something like this. 

Post # 8
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

Empty chair made me really sad, but it might be best if he wants something but a photo would be upsetting? Idk. I will not do empty chair, not because it’s “morbid” or whatever but because it just made me cry so much during my sister’s wedding. Almost everyone is crying in all of the ceremony photos and I’m crying in pretty much every single one (not the photographers fault at all, he was awesome). It seemed like a good idea because we were very, very close with our mother but it was just way too sad. My mom had been gone for about 8 years at the time.

At my wedding I will wear her earrings and ring, and wear a small locket with her photo in it on my bouquet. 

Perhapas you could have cufflinks made with his photo, or initials, or have your first dance be to song he liked. I think a lot of people get stuck in a few options, but there is a lot out there. Did he have a favorite food or dessert that you can serve at the wedding? A favorite drink? 

Post # 9
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

DH’s Mom passed away when he was 21. At his brothers wedding they had a picture of her on the head table. At our wedding we used greeting cards she designed for a greeting card company for our thank you’s. At both weddings DH’s Godmother (his Moms best friend) gave a speech talking about how every Mother dreams of being at their childs wedding, and how proud DH/BIL’s Mom would have been of them.

Post # 10
Member
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

carolinabelle :  100%!

OP I know you are trying to be thoughtful but please don’t spring something like this on your fiancé on his wedding day. 

I’m sure his father is in his thoughts, if he wants some special acknowledgment of his father on your wedding day I’m sure he will raise it, and I think you should leave it to him to raise it. If you ask “Do you want to do anything to commemorate your father?” he could feel that that is what he should do and that he would be lacking in feeling not to, even if it is something that will nag at him and upset him on the day. Bear in mind that something public (empty chair with photograph)  may lead to lots of people throughout the day pressing his shoulder and saying this like how proud his dad would been, how he is looking down on him, how sorry they are that he isn’t present etc.  If it is still as raw as you say, your new husband could spend much of the day fighting tears and not tears of joy. 

Post # 11
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Both me and my husband’s mom have passed and i asked him if he would want something he could wear with her picture. Not anything public just something he could wear privately and he was really not into the idea. On the opposite end my sister made a pendant of my mom on her wedding day for my bouquet and I loved it. As PP have said don’t spring this on him, I highly suggest asking him what he is comfortable with.  We had our officiant do a moment of silence for our moms. She framed it in a “take a moment to feel their love on this day” which made it really special and not sad at all.

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