(Closed) Memorial for Deceased Parents During Ceremony

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re right to want to limit things.  A bride whose father died a couple years before her wedding had a long drawn out slide show before the ceremony that heavily featured pictures of her father.  We’re related and most of the relatives never said a word to the bride, but it came off as having a second funeral where she happened to get married.  Remembering a loved one is important but the day is about the two of you being in love.

Perhaps have a vase of flowers in memory for each on the altar somewhere.  Maybe have a wedding picture of them at the reception.  If there’s a favorite song his dad had that was appropriate, maybe play it at the reception as the song to kick off everyone dancing to celebrate as you remember.

Post # 4
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I can understand where you are coming from but as someone who lost a parent, I definitely see where your Fi is coming from. I think honoring his parents during the ceremony is a wonderful idea and not morbid. perhaps lighting candles in their memory during the ceremony, carrying or having some of his mom’s favorite flowers, putting your bouquet on their graves (if you don’t mind parting with it) or a reading in their honor, etc…would mean a lot to Fi. Best of luck…

Post # 6
46 posts
  • Wedding: January 2013

I saw a great thing on Pinterest where there were seats in the front row that had pictures of loved ones in a frame on them that said Reserved in Memory of so and so. Maybe you can do that and a candle lighting and that would be enough and nice/not morbid.

Post # 7
28 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

As someone who has lost a mother, I feel so sympathetic for both of you!

I understand your FI’s wish to honor the two people the raised him and perhaps, on top of the candle, you could have him carry something that belonged to his parents in his pocket.  Similarly to how brides sometimes carry a photo charm in their bouquets, perhaps he can wear a watch or carry a hankerchief or something that belonged to his parents.  Or even, just having something special that reminds him of them in his pocket – something just for him to know about.

The key to remember is that he is going through a lot of pain and while your wedding is a symbol of love, it is also a symbol of his loss.  Try to be sympathetic and work on some compromises.

There are ways of honoring them without it feeling overly sad – think of readings that could be read in their honor or briefly mentioned that it was their favorite verse or poem.  Or perhaps you could reserve a seat or two in the front with their photo.

If he really wants the table idea, then perhaps that could be where you light a candle or two so that you both can feel the light and warmth of their presence and blessing at your wedding.

It all comes down to balance.  Try to focus his attention on honoring in a positive, uplifting way rather than a “let’s focus on those who aren’t here” kind of way. 

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