Memorial table—–everyone included

posted 8 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

Maybe you could have a small table with a candle and a sign in rememberance of those that are no longer with you. I’m doing something similar to that and the sign will say we know you would be here today if heaven werent’ so far away.

Post # 3
Member
1858 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We had a table with our grandparents who’ve passed. We only included those we personally wanted to include. The table was near the entrance, off to the side, and out of the way. There was no sign, just the photos and the candles. People understood what it meant. No need to draw extra attention.

Post # 4
Member
6344 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Honestly, I always think memorials for dead loved ones at weddings are weird and I cringe when I see them. Its like “Hey everyone! Here’s a table of dead people for you to look at so you can be bummed out! Cake to follow!”

So personally, I didn’t do anything to honor people who had died even though there was a lot of pressure to honor my mother who is dead. Who really wants to be reminded on a day that should be happy that their parent is dead and will never see any big life events ever again? Hard pass for me personally. 

Post # 5
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I plan on having a table of family wedding/group photos partly as a memorial to lost grandparents but focused on honoring the love that both of our families are now bringing together.  It provides a way to include my grandmother, who will not be in attendance due to Alzheimer’s.  We’ll probably have the pictures with the guest book to fit the “photos of love” idea. 

Post # 6
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

luckyseville :  FI wanted to do this, but there are several people we would include. I feel like a memorial table is a little too sad to have at a wedding. Our compromise is that we dedicate a song at the reception to our lost loved ones. 

Since FI was incredibly close iwth his grandparents who have all passed, I am going to have cuff links made for him that have pictures of his grandparents on them.

Post # 7
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I am doing this. My mom passed away when I was a teenager and I brace myself at every family wedding for them to mention her name when going through a verbal list of those who have passed, and I’d much prefer a picture of her looking happy that I can look at. My fiance and I sent a message to the parents explaining our plan. They told us who they’d like included, and we’ll have about 10 photos total. My mom, our deceased grandparents, three aunts and uncles, and a cousin who died young. 

I guess if we opened it up and included absolutely everyone in our family who’s passed away, great grandparents, second aunts and uncles, yes that would be an awful lot. I guess I’m confused as to who you’re being asked to include that you wouldn’t already. It’s a sad table to start with, so I don’t really see how much sadder it becomes being 12 pictures instead of 5. 

ETA – A table I can walk away from, or avoid if I know I’m going to get super emotional. When there’s a song or a reference to my mom there’s kind of no where to hide. 

Post # 8
Member
4706 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We had a plain candle. We didn’t draw attention to it. We didn’t mark it or anything. We raised a glass to those who couldn’t be here during the speeches and quickly moved on. We didn’t want it to turn into a second funeral and get everyone bawling. 

Post # 10
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

 

We did a collage frame and a memory candle.

 

Post # 11
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

FI’s dad passed away last October, so we’ve decided on having a chair at the ceremony with his dad’s ball cap sitting in it. I’m not really against memorial tables, but if we included all of our relatives that have passed, the table would get way out of hand. If we tried to limit who was represented at the table, however, we’d risk offending people. We decided to do a subtle thing that’s just for us really. 

Post # 12
Member
8190 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we mentioned both our fathers in the ceremony.

in our wedding program, we mentioned our fathers again and grandparents.

 

we did not get into aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  it would have been too much.

Post # 13
Hostess
5043 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Virmond Park

luckyseville :  I did not have a table. In our wedding programs we put “on this joyous day, we remember those loved ones who could not be with us, we feel their presence in our hearts”. My grandmother passed 3 months before we got married. I couldn’t bear to see a picture of her. I would have sobbed my eyes out.

I actually didn’t hire a florist for this reason. She kept asking about flowers for grandparents and the memorial table. I tried being polite and declining about it but she couldn’t take a hint. I was finally like “all our grandparents are dead. My grandmother died 2 weeks ago, so if you could drop it, that’d be great”. The meeting ended shortly there after.

Post # 14
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

luckyseville :  I had thought about doing a memorial table, but I decided to light a candle at the ceremony, and have a blurg about what it means

“Candle lit in honor of those who cannot be with us today.

Names”

Post # 15
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

I would limit the whole thing to the simple, heartfelt toast: “Absent friends.” Otherwise the list gets longer and longer (or the display bigger and bigger), and the wedding gets sadder and sadder and more maudlin.

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