(Closed) Men and their priorities

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

i was with my fi for 8 years before he proposed, and never really felt like i was waiting.

I think you need to chill out a bit maybe, chances are you’ll get married, it’s just guys are on a way different time scale than girls!

I’ve seen so many posts where people are freaking out about how he doen’t feel ready, they’ve been going out for like a whole year and there’s no ring yet etc

Post # 4
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh sweetie, no worries. He’ll pop the question eventually. I mean you know you’re a priority to him, after all he stayed here for you (already such a BIG commitment) and now you two are living together. At least you know marriage is on his mind because he’s touched upon the topic of a ring already. Big hugs!!

Post # 5
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@foxi: Perhaps just be a little kinder and don’t snark on people for feeling the way they do. You may not have felt that way (and that’s fine) but everyone’s feelings are valid and you came across as putting a few of the waiting ladies down. We know not everyone feels the same, that’s why we’re on the Waiting board.

@maeby: I can definitely understand the purchasing thing. My boy is saving at the mo but then was discussing getting his car repainted LOL. He’s rethought that though Laughing

Post # 6
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@foxi: Uh, really? :-/ pretty much ditto on Scribbles, but also, why are you comparing OP to girls who haven’t been in very long relationships? She’s been with her guy for at least four years, if my math is right… Of course she’s waiting for a proposal.

 

Anyway, welcome Maeby!! I love it when girls come out of lurkdom! ๐Ÿ˜€ Feel free to vent/ask advice/hang out here whenever cause we all can relate! Ooh hey, wanna be on our waiting list btw? ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

i wasn’t snarking, is there something wrong with chilling out and relaxing about it a bit. Maybe talk to him a bit about it see what he thinks? maybe he’s not quite ready yet? might think he’s too young etc (about 23/24?).

Have you gone looking at rings (even not with him) e rings can be a heap more affordable than you might think. If you’re worried about what he can afford you could get something more affordable now and upgrade later (so he can buy some of his electronic junk but also afford a ring/saving for one).

 

and I wasn’t comparing, just commenting in general (i didn’t mean the original poster).

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

THIS—>We know not everyone feels the same, that’s why we’re on the Waiting board.

OP- I agree with some of the PPs. Of course you’ll get the proposal. If a man stays just for you…yeah, it’ll come soon.LOL Don’t worry, stick around here and that’ll help tons!

Welcome!

Post # 9
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Aw welcom to WB!

I know when FH was “saving” for my ring I was going nuts every time he spent $40-50 on golf every weekend or wanted to go clothes shopping I would get SOO mad! That could have been money for my ring!

But we talked about it and found a pirce that worked for both of us (mostly him I’ll always want bigger) And after 6 months of shopping we found the perfect ring.

The waiting is hard but worth it when you finially get it.

I wish I had known about WB when I was “waiting” Im sure FH wishes it too because I could have complained to everyone here and not to him!

Post # 10
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

. . . But I swear to God, if he buys another expensive electronic thing when he claims to be saving up for a ring, I’m gonna club him with something very hard and probably blunt.

I honestly laughed out loud at that. I feel your pain girl. There are a lot of times I want to club my Boyfriend or Best Friend too!! It sounds like the two of you really love one another and no matter what anyone says you are totally allowed to feel the way you do. Everyone worries about it and gets stressed about it. Talk Talk Talk!! That’s my motto. I try to definately talk with the boyfriend about where I think we are a gauge if he’s on the same wave length. It will come for you for sure!

 

Post # 11
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, the waiting board is a safe space for those of us who aren’t lucky enough to ‘not feel like we’re waiting.’ Obviously we know it’s better to chill out and relax, but the waiting board let’s us vent…….let’s keep it that way.

Ohhh, men buying gadgets. Luckily my SO doesn’t do that….although he did buy a $500 tv a few years ago and I was pretty shocked he did. That was his last big purchase electronically. However, he spends a ton of money every month on protein powder and various weight lifting supplements. The man is huge and thinks he should still be bigger. Gah. Meanwhile I’m thinking, if you could direct that towards my ring already, that’d be great, not getting any younger. XOXO.

Have you had any timeline discussions or do you know if he’s thinking about it? Not to scare you, but if you don’t say anything you never know. He might be thinking 5 years from now is the perfect time! Men…

Post # 12
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh my God, tell me about it. My boyfriend wants to buy a new car and finance it. I said that I preferred to save up and buy it with cash. He said there’s nothing wrong with financing if you get a good rate. I said “Then why the heck am I waiting for you to save up for a ring?!” to which he said “You can finance those?!”

Puh-leeze. ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 13
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Welcome to Weddingbee, glad that you came out of lurking!

I know exactly how you feel I have been with my SO for 5 1/2 years. A few months ago my SO purchased a new x-box, because his broke and he couldn’t live without his precious x-box. Then he was going to purchase a very expensive computer chair but I managed to talk him out of it. I told him that he can get a great chair at Staples for 1/3 of the price that he was going to spend.

Also, don’t let others make you feel bad about waiting. In “When Harry Met Sally” there is a great quote that when ever people say that I should just calm down and relax I tell them “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

 

Post # 14
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel–my guy had his list of priorities a little over a year ago.  He graduated from college then wanted 1. his nice new cell phone 2. his nice new fast car 3. to pay off college 4. to buy a house 5. to get married.  Meanwhile I still have the same old cell phone from 3 years ago as I am trying to save!! I love being on the bottom of his priority list….

but i also understand that he is a newly graduated young man.  He will never get this time back in his life.  If there is ever a time for him to have a hot, fast car, this is it.  I’d rather it be now than when he is 50 and having a mid-life crisis!! (Even though a hot car at 50 might not be a bad thing…).  He has said that he wants to be able to tell his kids about the cool car he once had.  So I guess it’s ok. But we have talked about all of it and i think now he knows how important starting our lives together is to me, and I think he has re-prioritized some of his “toys” (and he DOES put me first, despite it sounding like his toys are more important! lol)

Let your man have a little fun, but at the same time make sure he knows how you feel.  We don’t want to totally cut them off, but I also feel like at some point they need a reality check and to get their life in order.

Best of luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

@Mrs.LetsGoPens: PS-My Boyfriend or Best Friend just bought the new special edition Xbox. At least he sold his old one…. boys and their toys…

Post # 15
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@yellowlinedpage:

He has said that he wants to be able to tell his kids about the cool car he once had.

Oh man this cracked me up!  My 72 year old step-dad still regales me with stories about the hot rod he had in the fifties! I think all of my friends and boyfriends have also heard the story about a dozen times each. 

And @foxi, look up my posts, k?  Check out the thread I wrote about posters just like you.  You are exactly who that post was directed at. 

To the OP: I feel you girl.  I got my ring not too long ago but I vividly remember biting my tounge every time my Fiance talked about buying a new gadget while he was saving for my ring.  I think my head almost hit the ceiling when he started talking about a new car.  It’s rough, but you’ll get there. 

Post # 16
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

If his waiting truly is about money then maybe you can offer to cover some of the other things that he is spending his money on.  We all laugh about men “needing their toys” and how their priorities are way out of wack.. but honestly, them wanted a car is just as valid (and more functional) as us wanting a big diamond ring.  He is saving up to by you a present… so maybe you could buy him some of the things he wants as presents, so he can save more.  Or, tell him that you don’t need a ring and you just want to be married.  I just don’t think it’s fair for us to dictate how they spend their hard earned money… just a thought.

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